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‘The Fosters’ fan recap: Movin’ on up

Season 4 | Episode 9 | “New York” | Aired Aug 22, 2016

Guys, this was a rough episode of The Fosters (even though there were cute flashbacks). Half the kids are on drugs, Callie got dragged by Mike, a potential murderer is sitting outside the house, and the word “divorce” was uttered in the first five minutes. But at least Brandon’s starting to make good choices? Let’s recap.

The whole family is packing since they have only a week to get out of the house. But the new buyer is in and out with her contractor and Stef feels forced out. Plus, Lena hasn’t found them a new place to live yet. So Stef puts down a deposit on an apartment in Mike’s building, and Lena is furious they didn’t discuss it first. It always feels like they’re taking two steps back in their relationship.

Then, mid–garage sale, Lena gets a call from her mom. Dana negotiated a payment plan with the IRS and paid off the lien. They don’t have to sell! Unfortunately, they already have.

The only solution is for Stef and Lena to file for divorce. That way, their assets will be frozen, and with the buyer on a tight timeline, she might walk away while things are tied up. Both ladies confirm they don’t actually want to go through with the divorce. As a reminder, Lena and Stef are relationship goals.

Jude is still angry with Callie about the whole pot thing. Callie claims she doesn’t deserve his attitude, and Jude fires back, “What do you deserve Callie, given the only secrets you can keep are your own?” YIKES.

Noah’s still grounded, but he sneaks out so he can see Jude. They’re smoking and fooling around, but Jude tells Noah he’s not ready to go any further. Noah leaves in a huff, and the next day, Jude says he was probably just nervous, and they can go further if Noah wants to. But Noah realizes he was being a jerk, and says he only wants to do what Jude wants to do.

Jude apparently wants to smoke more. But the mood is effectively killed when Moms finds Jude and Noah giggling in the garage in a cloud of smoke. I guess Jude’s no longer the golden child.

Speaking of drugged-up members of the Adams-Foster clan — remember when Mariana promised Emma she’d stop taking Jesus’ ADHD meds? She lied. She finds the refill in the mailbox and snags it for herself.

With the stress of moving, schoolwork, raising money for worlds, and pretending to date Nick, Mariana is a little on edge. And then she finds one of Stef’s old journals when she’s cleaning out the garage. Inside, Stef wrote about how Lena didn’t want to adopt the twins. YIKES.

Thus begins the pills and the anger. When Moms find out what Mariana read, Lena goes to explain. Lena tells her daughter that Mariana bonded with her instantly, and it made Lena a little uncomfortable. Her own mom wasn’t very affectionate, and it took her time to get used to it. But soon, the bonding was mutual. She assures Mariana that they were brought together for a reason, and she is so proud to be her mother.

Image credit: Freeform

Image credit: Freeform

She’s also proud of Brandon, who is in New York for his Juilliard audition. There, he meets Ari, a dance student, and she promises to show him Times Square — and then the real New York, without the scary costume people.

They spend the whole night seeing the city, and as they watch the sunrise, Ari kisses Brandon. B tells her his situation with Cortney, and she smacks some sense into him. What’s he going to do if he gets into Juilliard? It takes everything you’ve got to study there; he won’t have time to support his girlfriend and her kid. He’s allowed to be selfish.

Ari warns Brandon that he’ll never nail his audition if part of him feels like he has to fail. She suggests Brandon write Cortney a letter ending things. Then he’ll be free when he goes in for his audition, but he’ll beat the letter back to San Diego so he can talk to Cort in person. So Brandon sends the letter and nails his audition. We’ll see how that discussion with Cortney goes next week.

And finally, poor, terrible-decision-making Callie. A.J. and Callie are hooking up in the empty apartment in Mike’s building when Stef comes by with Mike to check it out. Mike tells Stef that Brandon won’t be coming home while Callie is there. All she’s done is cause him trouble. She toyed with him, she’s toying with A.J., and she’s probably toying with Aaron, too. Stef shuts him down, but not before Callie and AJ — hiding in the closet — hear everything.

Then Callie learns that Kyle is being moved to the adult prison sooner than expected. Additional DNA has been found on the murder weapon, but the JJC can’t do anything with it until it’s been matched to a new suspect — like Doug Harvey, the curb painter. Stef and Mike talk to Harvey, but he claims not to know anything about the murder. But inside, he has a nice, crazy board full of articles about it.

They can’t wait for Harvey’s DNA to go through the proper channels. So Callie BREAKS IN to Harvey’s house and steals his toothbrush. And naturally, Harvey arrives home just in time to see Callie drive off — in the same car Stef was driving. Our episode ends with Harvey sitting outside the Fosters’ house. This will definitely end well.

Image credit: Freeform/screengrab

Image credit: Freeform/screengrab

Fost and Found

  • Those baby Jude flashbacks! Was he really that tiny?
  • Why did Brandon get off at Columbus Circle when there’s a subway station literally outside of Lincoln Center? And I definitely won’t bring up how wrong the Broadway billboards in Times Square are considering The Fosters’ timeline.
  • Mariana is twitching from the meds, and Mama is starting to notice. GET THIS GIRL SOME HELP.
  • I am not sure how much longer A.J. is going to put up with Callie’s drama. She came clean to him about how she met Aaron, but he also announced, “Your boyfriend’s here,” when Aaron dropped by, so.
  • Detective Gray — the cop behind Kyle’s case — shows up at the garage sale and gives Stef a not-very-vague warning about looking into old cases.

The Fosters airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET on Freeform.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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