Season 2 | Episode 8 | “The Queen of Comedy” | Aired Jul 20, 2016
As we approach the final days of sold-out cruise number seven, New Kids on the Block fans scream wildly as Donnie, Danny, Jon, Joey, and Jordan take the stage in brightly colored Polo shirts and trucker hats to answer a few questions. If Melissa had been handed the microphone, I’m quite confident she would have asked, “Has anyone seen my friends?”
Melissa is the one celebrating her 40th birthday. Again. Her friends ditch her every five seconds to plan the ultimate surprise party and hand out invitations. Sadly, the unavoidable sneakiness ticks off the birthday girl.
The day brightens when Danny shows up at her door to take a picture in her makeshift photo booth. Although Jordan is her favorite, Melissa is still stoked to hug it out with any New Kid who may come knocking. She laments that the moment would have been that much sweeter had she been able to share it with her friends. She whips up a few tears, stalks the hallways, locates her girls, and quickly reminds them that this is HER weekend. They smile and apologize instead of making a voodoo-doll version of Melissa. That’s a true squad.
Meanwhile, Libbie is celebrating her own squad goals. She’s the YouTube sensation whose comedy act inspired an entire slew of Block Heads to start a GoFundMe account so “Aunt Claudette” (also known as “The Neck Brace”) could sail on this year’s cruise. She even managed to secure a performance on one of the final nights. Libbie’s goal? To make sure Joey, who has shunned her in the past, finally succumbs to the power of her comedic ways. Game on.
Libbie hits the decks to test out material. She toys with the idea of being herself onstage instead of her alter ego. She spies the Beta Block Heads, who are basically a sorority. We’ll call them Gamma Alpha New Kids. Ten are squished into one booth. They all drink champagne. Libbie bounces a few jokes off of them, and they land like lead balloons. If the Gammas don’t embrace her, surely Joey never will.
She tosses out a few lines from her Aunt Claudette bit, and the ladies actually smile. Some even laugh. Libbie informs the women that Aunt Claudette is fearless. All agree that she should blackball her true self and opt to be The Neck Brace for the performance. Gamma Alpha New Kid 4-ever.
Over in the VIP section of the boat, Jon’s BFF Angela suggests he introduce The Neck Brace before her show. He agrees, and when he pops up beside Libbie before she goes on stage, the pressure is enough to make her want to hurl. Jon gives a lovely introduction and sits down next to a mysterious empty chair. I wonder who that seat belongs to?
Joey walks in wearing sunglasses like a boss. He sits down and enjoys an entire set of Aunt Claudette carrying on mostly about topics that involve her nether regions. Joey doesn’t mind the pubic area–inspired jokes. In fact, he has so much respect for Libbie, that he takes the stage, apologizes for “not getting her,” and signs her bejeweled neck brace.
All seems right with the world, don’t you think?
New Facts about New Kids
- Jon’s first concert was Kool and the Gang.
- Joey’s first concert was Cyndi Lauper.
- Danny’s first concert was the Beastie Boys.
- Danny autographs every cabin door that features his picture.
Rock This Boat airs Wednesday nights at 8/7C on Pop.