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Rock This Boat

'Rock This Boat' fan recap: Make way for Aunt Claudette

Season 2 | Episode 8 | “The Queen of Comedy” | Aired Jul 20, 2016

As we approach the final days of sold-out cruise number seven, New Kids on the Block fans scream wildly as Donnie, Danny, Jon, Joey, and Jordan take the stage in brightly colored Polo shirts and trucker hats to answer a few questions. If Melissa had been handed the microphone, I’m quite confident she would have asked, “Has anyone seen my friends?”

Melissa is the one celebrating her 40th birthday. Again. Her friends ditch her every five seconds to plan the ultimate surprise party and hand out invitations. Sadly, the unavoidable sneakiness ticks off the birthday girl.
The day brightens when Danny shows up at her door to take a picture in her makeshift photo booth. Although Jordan is her favorite, Melissa is still stoked to hug it out with any New Kid who may come knocking. She laments that the moment would have been that much sweeter had she been able to share it with her friends. She whips up a few tears, stalks the hallways, locates her girls, and quickly reminds them that this is HER weekend. They smile and apologize instead of making a voodoo-doll version of Melissa. That’s a true squad.

Meanwhile, Libbie is celebrating her own squad goals. She’s the YouTube sensation whose comedy act inspired an entire slew of Block Heads to start a GoFundMe account so “Aunt Claudette” (also known as “The Neck Brace”) could sail on this year’s cruise. She even managed to secure a performance on one of the final nights. Libbie’s goal? To make sure Joey, who has shunned her in the past, finally succumbs to the power of her comedic ways. Game on.

Libbie hits the decks to test out material. She toys with the idea of being herself onstage instead of her alter ego. She spies the Beta Block Heads, who are basically a sorority. We’ll call them Gamma Alpha New Kids. Ten are squished into one booth. They all drink champagne. Libbie bounces a few jokes off of them, and they land like lead balloons. If the Gammas don’t embrace her, surely Joey never will.

She tosses out a few lines from her Aunt Claudette bit, and the ladies actually smile. Some even laugh. Libbie informs the women that Aunt Claudette is fearless. All agree that she should blackball her true self and opt to be The Neck Brace for the performance. Gamma Alpha New Kid 4-ever.

Over in the VIP section of the boat, Jon’s BFF Angela suggests he introduce The Neck Brace before her show. He agrees, and when he pops up beside Libbie before she goes on stage, the pressure is enough to make her want to hurl. Jon gives a lovely introduction and sits down next to a mysterious empty chair. I wonder who that seat belongs to?

Joey walks in wearing sunglasses like a boss. He sits down and enjoys an entire set of Aunt Claudette carrying on mostly about topics that involve her nether regions. Joey doesn’t mind the pubic area–inspired jokes. In fact, he has so much respect for Libbie, that he takes the stage, apologizes for “not getting her,” and signs her bejeweled neck brace.

All seems right with the world, don’t you think?

New Facts about New Kids

  1. Jon’s first concert was Kool and the Gang.
  2. Joey’s first concert was Cyndi Lauper.
  3. Danny’s first concert was the Beastie Boys.
  4. Danny autographs every cabin door that features his picture.

Rock This Boat airs Wednesday nights at 8/7C on Pop.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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