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'Barely Famous' is eggplant, raincoat, question mark

Season 2 | Episode 3 | “No Scrubs” | Aired Jul 6, 2016

Every single thing I need to know about lifestyle brands, pregnancy scares, and low self-esteem I learned from this week’s Barely Famous. And before you start to think you’re above it all, let me just stop you right there. If Cindy Crawford can personally approve a note handwritten by her assistant in a book she sent to Sara, and then not really remember it, then everyone can stand to take some life lessons.

For starters, Erin is probably one of the most self-aware celebrities on television. Her new romance with Zach Braff is teaching her, in real time, what low self-esteem she has. It’s also teaching her that she will self-sabotage any sort of relationship that even resembles a functioning dynamic. What else can a girl do when her boyfriend is showering her with gifts and attention, and complimenting her horizontal stripes? She obviously has to sleep with the dismissive, slimy valet in the trucker hat who offers her a backhanded compliment. Right? Duh.

But when it turns out that she and the valet, (Ryan? Robby? Rodney?) didn’t use a raincoat on the eggplant, Erin has a pregnancy scare. Everybody calm down. It’s no big deal. Sara has an abortion guy.

Erin pulls herself out of her esteem-spiral long enough to try to convince Zach Braff it’s his baby, but that’s kind of impossible since he had a vasectomy and refuses to raise the child of the man with whom Erin cheated on him. Dick.

Once it’s over between Zach and Erin, Erin has to contend with the valet and his excitement over the news. I mean … he’s ready to give it a go. He calls his mom; he offers to move in with Erin. This dude is legit. His exuberance is enough to bring on Erin’s period, and it’s revealed that she is, in fact, not pregnant.

How can that be? She took a test from Sara’s bathroom and followed the directions and everything. Erin can pee on a stick, for eff’s sake. But just like Sara has an abortion guy, she also has a drawer full of false-positive pregnancy tests that she uses to manipulate and control her husband. Because of course, in 2016, a wife has to use a pregnancy to get what she wants from her husband. Like I said … I’m learning so much.

AND Sara is making new friends. She and said group of friends use the word “squad” far too many times for women of their age, but this could be a good opportunity for Sara to do a little networking. The problem with this whole situation is that in order to make business contacts and have a business brunch, you have to have a business. Since Ali Larder and the rest of the “squad” are all hocking one product or another, Sara feels an extreme amount of pressure to fit in. Although everybody in town has turned down the Tire Queen endorsement, she thinks it will be better than the Fresh Lakes vaginal wipes.

Boy, is she wrong. At least the vag wipes feel refreshing and cool to the squad’s faces and necks. The Tire Queen turns out to be a real bitch who expects Sara not to be four hours late and have her celebrity girl-clique in tow. Sheesh. It’s like she’s never even heard of Sara Foster before.

The takeaways from this week:

The Foster sisters are super gangster in a “very Gone Girl” kind of way.

Zach Braff is definitely NOT a good guy.

Sara’s breast implants stand for “naturality.”

We all need a hashtag.

What did you learn this week?

Barely Famous airs Wednesdays at 10/9C on VH1.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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