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'General Hospital' fan recap: The weeping what?

Season 54 | Episodes 55–59 | Aired Jun 20–24, 2016

Ava Jerome has an art gallery. Yes, General Hospital viewers know this, but it bears repeating as it has been forever since the gallery was relevant to anything besides gunrunning. Yet this week, we learn that not only is Ava still actively involved in the arts she’s also actively involved in accidentally buying high-priced forgeries. The whole Huxley situation boils down to Ava having a figurine, the Weeping Naiad, that Huxley claims was long ago stolen from his family. Ava hands it over, but Huxley smashes it into pieces, calling it a fake.

Huxley loses his fake niceties, slicing Nikolas’s hand with his sword-cane and tying his guests together while he rushes off to search Ava’s hotel room for the real Weeping Naiad (which isn’t there, since Ava didn’t know she bought a forgery). Nikolas and Ava work together to untie themselves, pausing for a moment of newfound chemistry. They overpower Huxley’s helper and make a run for it, ending up in the greenhouse on Lynch Manor property. Despite the lack of food in their bellies, and perhaps because the bottle was marked “Drink Me,” they choose to take a few swigs from a handy bottle of booze.

Meanwhile, Jason and Sam are hot on their trails, putting all the pieces together faster than anything in their recent history suggests them capable of doing. Overhearing Huxley in Ava’s hotel room, they hightail it to Lynch Manor where they, along with Huxley, discovery Ava and Nikolas’ escape. Being that Huxley is only interested in Ava, and Sam and Jason need Nikolas to clear Jason’s name, the three agree to search for them together and take only the one that suits their needs.

What’s funny is that this is Jason and Sam’s big “summer on the run” story, but nobody in Port Charles, especially the police department, really seems to be looking for them. For now, all of the PCPD’s attention is focused on the arrest of Alexis for Carlos’ murder. Another funny thing is that not a single person actually believes she killed him. Well, maybe Mayor Lomax, who tries (and fails) to use Alexis’ bail hearing to exact revenge for the breastfeeding lawsuit. Isn’t it time for a new mayoral election yet?

Alexis, of course, invokes her right to counsel, which of course means Jordan gives her grief about it making her look bad. But no matter what anyone thinks about Alexis, nobody looks worse than Julian right now. Julian has somehow gone from romantic lead to murderer to sniveling idiot in just a few months. Julian wants Alexis to stand trial and get acquitted, while Alexis (and Sonny, who keeps managing to insert himself into their marriage) suggests that her husband confess. Julian returns home, where he is haunted by a hallucination of Carlos, who suggests that his boss is a weak man for not “taking care” of Alexis. Julian insists he loves his wife, but Ghost Carlos tells him that Alexis only loved him conditionally — only as the man she wanted him to be. Yes, because wanting the man you married NOT to be a murderer is such a lofty relationship goal. Alexis, out on bail, returns home, where Julian is tormented by the Carlos vision standing behind her.

Finn finally confesses his condition to someone, and that someone is Hayden. Finn tells Hayden that he is dying of an unnamed illness and that his injections have kept his symptoms in check, but their effectiveness is waning. Hayden helps Finn out by getting his injection journal from his locker, but runs afoul of Elizabeth, who catches her searching in the hospital locker room. Elizabeth searches the hospital schedules to see if Hayden’s “having an appointment” cover story is valid, but there’s really no follow-up beyond that. Despite his suspension, Finn is still checking his patient files, with Felix’s help. Tracy demands Finn continue to treat her, so he pays her a house call. Tracy has a clean bill of health and a full head of hair (goodbye head scarves!), but little Teddy is now suffering from a mysterious malady and Finn rushes him to the hospital.

Sabrina is at the hospital as well, checking in with her best buddy Felix and wondering what the future holds for herself, the widow Rivera, and Michael Quartermaine. She needn’t worry much, as Michael tells his parents that he is determined to reignite his relationship with Sabrina. Somehow, in all of this, Carly has decided that Sabrina is just looking at Michael as a baby-daddy candidate and isn’t worthy of her son. Now, it’s understandable that a mama bear like Carly would have issues with Sabrina’s original paternity fib, but Carly has also made plenty of questionable decisions in her life, so maybe she should step off the moral high horse?

Kiki and Dillon plan their first date, but it’s interrupted. First by Kiki’s cold, and after a germy kissing session, Dillon heads out to get her some medicine and soup. Next, Morgan, fresh out of the psychiatric hospital, makes a beeline to see his ex-girlfriend. And despite the fact that Dillon offers a fresh start with no familial sexual history, Kiki is torn. Dillon, being the perfect and sensitive guy, allows her the time she needs. Morgan admits that Ava suggested the break-up, but that he thought it for the best as well. Kiki makes a date with Morgan while viewers shake their head.

And in the “we saw this coming” category, Elizabeth and Franco spend time together bonding over a toaster. Okay, it was a housewarming gift, but it was definitely the longest scene about toast ever. Elizabeth is sympathetic to Franco over his perplexing feelings about Nina. And while Elizabeth seems to be supportive of Franco and his new leaf and his relationship with Nina, Franco seems more focused on Elizabeth. And, over a slice of toast, the two share a kiss. Well, Franco kisses Elizabeth, but then backpedals and says she kissed him to make Jason jealous. At which point Elizabeth asks the world to stop talking to her about Jason, declaring that he chose Sam and she is over it. And while she and Franco agree to forget the kiss, it’s clearly still on their minds.

And there is currently nobody more confused than Nina when it comes to matters of the heart. Nina entertains a passionate fantasy about Franco. When she comes back to reality, she brushes it off as she and Maxie have an extensive conversation about sex toys and Nina’s lack of experience with them. An arriving Dillon is quick to identify the vendor gift as the Kingdom Come, which is definitely an impressive name for the toy. Nina finally admits that her desired baby is never going to happen, wondering if she should reconcile (beyond the proposed booty call) with Franco. But with Franco’s attention turned to Elizabeth, is it too late for Nina and Franco?

Finally, Anna has moved into the world of online dating, although her first suitor stands her up and she ends up chatting with Paul at the Metro Court bar. Paul mocks her for choosing someone without a profile photo, despite the man’s claim to be a doctor. The next day, her online suitor sends flowers, but once again Paul is on hand to chime in with his opinions. Paul may claim to be a good man, but he’s going to need to find a way to prove it before any viewers deem him worthy of his apparent crush on Anna.

General Hospital airs weekdays on ABC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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