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The Goldbergs

'The Goldbergs' season finale fan recap: A baby blanket, a time capsule, and a graduate

Season 3 | Finale | “Have a Summer” | Aired May 18, 2016

Moving on is hard, and no one knows this more than The Goldbergs. It’s the last week of school in 1980-something, and possibility is staring future graduates in the face. These graduates are a gaggle of gangly eighth-grade students who are on the precipice of adulthood. All that stands between Adam and a combination to a new locker in the high school is the upperclassmen’s Hell Week. Adam will have to survive Barry and the JPT in order to really be considered a freshman.

What do you do when a band of brothers threaten to drag your wimpy body through the halls to a fate that consists of a humiliating shower in the girls’ locker room … without flip-flops? You hide behind Mama, of course. Beverly refuses to let her older son hunt her younger schmoopie for sport. Barry forces his mom to take a good look at her baby. Adam is all grown up, whether she likes it or not. He will be hazed.

Beverly takes to the broom closet to mourn by sniffing old baby blankets. Murray finds her there and tries to empathize in his own, gruff way. She can’t hide in the closet forever. Besides, who is going to cook dinner? Beverly reluctantly hands over the blanket and asks Murray to get rid of it. The pheromones are too strong.

At school, JPT member Jeff doesn’t let the pending last days of school keep him from finding new ways to pine over Erica. When she signs his yearbook, “Have a summer,” Jeff is determined to crack the code. Surely this is a cryptic declaration of love, right? The JPT delicately break it to Jeff that he is the quirky friend that the girl never ends up with in the movies. Using Pretty in Pink as a classic example, they force Jeff to consider that he may be the “Duckie” in this situation, rather than the super-cool James Spader character. Jeff’s spirit isn’t deterred. He will win the girl.

Meanwhile, Adam and company settle on a plan to go down together and take the shower like men. But when the bell rings, upperclassmen appear as if from nowhere. It’s the greatest ambush the eighth-grade has ever seen. Friends are picked off one by one. Barry targets Adam — and that’s when the nerd rage takes over. Adam body slams Barry in the middle of the hall in front of the entire school. Hulk Hogan would have been so proud. In that moment, Adam goes from geek to chic.

While Barry and Adam both puzzle through what just happened, Erica prepares to add her New Kids on the Block plate to the school’s time capsule. Jeff tries to bond with Erica over her totally rad contribution, but she shrugs him off. The time-capsule girl, permed hair barely flowing in the breeze thanks to massive amounts of Aqua Net, flirts with Jeff. She thinks he is a dead ringer for Donnie Osmond. Is that a spark I detect?

Erica arrives home to find Beverly in a state of panic. She can’t find Adam’s old baby blanket.

Erica: “Are you talking about that gross, blue rag that smells like chicken pox and night sweat?”

Beverly learns that her daughter used Adam’s blanket to wrap her sacred NKOTB plate before sticking it in the time capsule to be buried forever in a grave of dirt and worms. Beverly insists that they go and dig it up immediately. At the burial location, Jeff steps in to help his woman and her mother. He spies a shiny metal object in the ground and strikes at it with his shovel. Instead of being the hero who rescues a gross blanket, Jeff breaks the school’s main water line. All three individuals are sent to the principal’s office. The time-capsule girl is there, and she’s livid! The only thing in the capsule that survived the flood was a mix tape for Jeff’s future bride, Erica.

Poor Duckie. Erica rips him a new one and begs him to stop the madness. She does not want to date him. She will never be the future Mrs. Schwartz, and he needs to move on!

Murray takes Beverly home. She clutches Adam’s funky blanket, promising that she can make it new again by stirring it around in Adam’s hamper. Like a stew. Then she hears how ludicrous that sounds. If she’s not Mama, who is she?

Speaking of an identity crisis, Barry is drowning in embarrassment over the body slam. The JPT no longer support him and everyone at school thinks he’s afraid of Adam. Newsflash: They’re right. Lainey reminds Barry that Adam is a nerdy little dude who dives for cover when someone pops a balloon. Surely Barry can lure him into a public place and haze him properly.

Adam finally understands what Barry is going through and uses this rejection to his advantage. He reminds Barry of all the crappy things that happened to him this year. He didn’t want to be a bigger nerd during Hell Week. Barry softens and lets Adam in on a little secret: Only the cool kids are hazed. He didn’t want Adam to be a geek in high school, so he made it his quest to make sure he and his friends got hit the hardest.

Adam wisely confesses to Barry that the only reason he was ever able to lay hands on his brother was because of the summer solstice. Everyone knows that there’s less gravity on that day. It’s science. You can’t question it. Barry buys the ridiculous lie and works on a plan to restore the balance of power.

Barry chooses to conduct the most epic of all Hell Weeks in the history of the high school. He turns on the sprinklers during eighth-grade graduation practice and “showers” the entire class at one time. Classic Tasty.

When Barry and Lainey return home, they find Erica listening to Jeff’s tape. She’s eager to make fun of his lyrics with her friend, but Lainey is done. She demands that Erica get over it and just admit that she likes Jeff Schwartz. In a flashback, Erica witnesses all the sweet things Jeff has done over the years. She’s in love! Balls!

Unfortunately, Jeff has moved on to time-capsule girl. With every end of an era, there is a new beginning. Barry is leader of the JPT again with Lainey at his side. Erica is experiencing heartbreak for the first time. Adam is a man with a diploma. And Beverly is going to get her teaching certificate so she can enjoy all three of her schmoopies in high school next year.

With The Goldbergs renewed for Season 4, this should be fun! What would you like to see happen? Which ’80s references haven’t been featured yet that would make for a great episode?

TV Families | EW.com

TV Families -- We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ''The Brady Bunch'' to ''The Flintstones''

By Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 at 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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