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'General Hospital' fan recap: Murder and memories

Season 54 | Episodes 27–31 | Aired May 9-13, 2016

It seems as though General Hospital must now be asking itself “How do you solve a problem like Julian Jerome?” There was time, mere months ago, when the most duplicitous thing Julian was actively involved in was sabotaging Crimson for tax purposes. But the days of Julian leaving his criminal life style behind are gone, as now he’s added a new murder and the wanton destruction of his marriage to his tally.

While Julian insists to anyone, except Carlos and Hammer, that he has changed, his list of allies is shrinking. Even Sam points out that the more times her father insists that he has left the mob behind, the less she believes him. Sam tells Alexis that she’s acting like a woman desperate for love.

But everything comes to a head when Carlos stabs Dante with a pen, causing his prison van to crash. Nathan calls for help, but Carlos smashes him in the head with a rock for his troubles. Carlos makes his way to the pier, where he runs into Anna. But this time, Anna doesn’t shoot Carlos with four meaningless bullets. This time, the two lock horns in a vicious struggle, with Anna giving almost as good as she gets, until Carlos gets the upper hand and knocks her unconscious. For her troubles, Anna is locked in a freezer. Carlos takes her phone (Why didn’t he take Nathan’s?) and calls Julian for help and money.

Julian goes to leave the house, packing heat, but Alexis intervenes, locking his gun away. Julian grabs the nearest other weapon (Helena’s dagger used to slit Alexis’s mother’s throat) and heads to the pier, lying that he is off to Crimson in the middle of the night. On the pier, he gives Carlos an envelope of money, and as Carlos vows never to return to Port Charles, Julian stabs him multiple times with the dagger, then pushes him into the water.

During all of this, and despite the late hour, Carly and Sonny are having a bitch fest about Alexis and Julian. Between all the talk of how hypocritical and weak they view Alexis as being, Carly somehow surmises that Alexis settled for Julian because she couldn’t have Sonny, the mobster she really wanted. Sure, Carly, whatever you say. Sonny heads to Alexis, where yet another person puts Alexis on blast for standing by her man. While Alexis doesn’t say as much to Sonny, it’s clear her resolve to support Julian is wavering.

Back in the freezer, an unconscious Anna dreams, in living color, of Duke. Ian Buchanan makes a brief return, and Anna cries on imaginary Duke’s shoulder about having failed him, as Julian still hasn’t paid for his crimes. The twosome also have a lengthy conversation about Griffin, where Anna gets to tell Duke all about the son he’ll never know. For his part, Duke’s apparition tells Anna that he should’ve run away with her sooner, and that he’s sorry for leaving her all alone. Anna awakens in the freezer, and tries to use a meat hook (memories of A.J.!) to escape, but succumbs to the cold and falls back unconscious. Luckily for her, Andre figures that she went looking for Carlos and finds her before anything too horrible happens.

Franco decides (somewhere in this timeline of day/night) to pay his mother, Heather, a visit at the sanitarium. He worries that he’s turning back into his evil self, which seems to somewhat delight his mother. Despite her objections over the mere existence of Nina, Heather reluctantly gives her son advice. And her sage motherly words? If things are at their best in the bedroom, use sex to win Nina back. Franco goes for the tried and true “The Naked Man,” but his nude presence in Nina’s office in the middle of the night doesn’t change anything. Julian, firming his alibi, arrives to find naked Franco, and Nina opts to send Franco away. Franco dejectedly leaves, and Nina spies blood on Julian’s shirt. Julian changes his shirt just as a skeptical Alexis arrives.

Franco goes to the hospital, where he runs into a frenzied Obrecht, who is worried about Nathan and his first non-gun related line of duty injury. Franco vents about Nina, and Obrecht has finally reached her breaking point with her bestie. Obrecht points out the selfishness of Franco’s actions, being that he chose outside her injured son’s hospital room to talk about his love life. She warns him that with Monica back in charge, his art therapy days are most likely numbered, and more importantly, he is now all alone, without her as friend. As for Nathan, his head injury amounts to little more than bandages. Maxie and Obrecht suggest a day job, but Nathan, despite two prior gunshot wounds in two years, is adamant that he belongs on the force.

On the pier, Michael stumbles across a wounded Carlos and offers to call for help in exchange for Sabrina and the baby’s whereabouts. Carlos doesn’t offer up that information, nor does he flip on Julian. Michael calls 9-1-1 and then Sonny to meet him at the hospital. Anna and Sonny are both there as Carlos is wheeled in. Anna wants Carlos to turn on Julian, saying it’s his only hope to avoid a life sentence. And at this point, viewers say “WHAT?” In the course of an evening, Carlos has attacked two police officers and caused the death of another (the van driver), so why would any prosecutor offer him a deal in exchange for information about the murder (which he committed) of a mid-level mobster?

But all of that is for naught, as we learn that Carlos is mortally wounded and asking for last rites. The hospital chaplain isn’t available, but it turns out that Griffin can handle the job. Because in addition to being a doctor, Griffin is secretly a Catholic priest! It’s seemingly obvious that Nathan caught Griffin in bed with Claudette, shot Griffin, and Griffin atoned for his sins by becoming a man of the cloth. Anna is shocked at the news but grows angry when Griffin administers sacrament to the dying Carlos when she’d rather be trying for a deathbed confession. But Griffin doesn’t back down, and delivers Carlos’s last rites. Carlos dies before Anna can get any information from him. Anna blasts Griffin for wasting time with his silly religious stuff while they could’ve been getting a confession. Never mind the fact that Carlos seemed unlikely to suddenly tell his secrets, right? Griffin, using, “Judge not, lest ye be judged,” as a mantra, wants to help Anna forgive and let go of her anger. Anna, feeling that Carlos got what he deserved, vows not to rest until Julian is brought to justice.

Elsewhere, Hayden and Nikolas continue their round robin of trying to get the upper hand on one another. Nikolas donates all of Hayden’s clothes to charity. Hayden and Curtis plot to sell Nikolas’s family heirlooms on Ebay for extra cash. Jordan and Sonny both chat with Paul about where Carlos could’ve gotten the fancy pen he used to stab Dante.

Back at the lake house, Julian wipes down the dagger and returns it to the cabinet. When Jordan arrives, he provides his alibi, and Alexis vouches that he was at Crimson at 2:30 a.m. (seriously, nobody slept in Port Charles this week). Jordan offers up that Carlos was attacked before then, so Alexis tells her that Julian’s gun was locked up at the time. Alexis is stunned when Jordan reveals that Carlos was stabbed with what must’ve been a “helluva blade.” As soon as Jordan leaves, Alexis beelines for the cabinet and pulls out the dagger, repeating Jordan’s words about the blade.

Last, but not least, viewers were treated on Monday to what amounts to a very special episode of General Hospital. Back at the crash site, an injured Jason discovered Dante pinned under the van. His head throbbing, he’s treated to a series of visions (Robin, Sonny, Helena, and Sam) as he grapples with saving Dante. One by one the visions, except Helena, implore him to save Dante, calling on Jason’s inherent sensibilities. The Sonny vision helps Jason recall when the pair met and the connection they shared. The Helena vision is more dastardly, telling Jason that the harder he works, the more his head hurts, which will cause his conditioning to kick back in, and he’ll once again forget everyone he loves. Let’s just pretend that makes sense, okay? Jason tells his vision of Sam how much he loves her, detailing the qualities he loves best. During all of this, Sam is at the Quartermaine mansion, talking to Michael about her relationship with Jason. Sam surmises that all she needs to do is trust in her future with Jason.

After freeing Dante and getting him to the hospital, Jason finds Sam at Alexis’s home. How he knew to go there remains a mystery. Sam sees her injured husband and is concerned, but Jason tells Sam that he now remembers everything: the past, his life, and her. He pulls her into a kiss.

It remains to be seen how new and old Jason morph into one being, but it sure would’ve been nice to see the storyline again this week after Tuesday!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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