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‘Hawaii Five-0’ fan recap: When a stranger hacks

Season 6 | Episodes 22 | “I’ike Ke Ao” | Aired Apr 29, 2016

Our favorite hacker is back, we get a Kamekona/Max subplot — which NEVER HAPPENS — and a creepy case of the week. Things could be worse. Let’s recap.

Kamekona’s latest business venture is a booze cruise around the island, and he recruits Max (the ship medic) and Flippa (first mate/DJ/bartender) — to accompany him on the inaugural trip.

But hours later, the ship is just drifting. There’s no wind, the battery for the radio is dead, and there’s no cell service. Kamekona grabs the flare to call for help, but Flippa accidentally shoots it into the sail, setting the boat on fire. Now they’re really stuck.

The guys wash up on an uninhabited island, and Max goes all Survivor, building a fire and collecting some bugs so they can survive until they’re rescued. The guys spend their evening singing around the fire and telling each other their regrets.

They turn in for the night, but they soon wake up to fireworks … and a tourist couple. I guess that island wasn’t so uninhabited after all.

CBS

Meanwhile, Five-0 is busy dealing with a hacktivist vigilante. A babysitter, Addison Wells (Cassi Thompson, Switched at Birth), is kidnapped from her client’s home after the whole house is hacked. (The call was coming from inside the house!) The kidnapper was clearly after her specifically; he must have been watching her for a while.

One of Addison’s friends tells Five-0 about a guy Addison had been emailing with online. The prospective relationship didn’t work out. The team realizes Addison was catfished, but it will take too long to break the encryption on the emails. Good thing Kono knows a guy …

Toast (Martin Starr, Silicon Valley) is back! Since we saw him last in season 4, Toast has invented the hottest new mobile game, Poopy Penguin, and is a millionaire who can fly to L.A. just to get breakfast.

He’s in the midst of putting some smooth moves on the model seated next to him on the plane when McDanno inform him that his trip has been postponed.

Image Credit: CBS

Toast begrudgingly helps out his old pals, Jersey and McGruff. He traces the emails to a man named Howard Mintz. Mintz admits to emailing Addison, but that’s it. He doesn’t match the description of the kidnapper, and when Toast checks his computer, Mintz was messaging another catfished girl during the abduction. He’s not their guy.

But Toast’s computer skills uncover another lead. Addison’s computer had some nasty spyware installed on it five months ago. And Toast knows just who sells that sort of stuff. After some persuasion, they get the name of their guy: Jacob Holm (Scott Michael Campbell).

At Holm’s house, Five-0 finds nothing more than a serious computer hub. Holm had been fired from his law-firm job after leaking hundreds of confidential files. He served some time but always believed he did the right thing. Now, he’s put spyware on over a thousand machines, and he’s looking for other people with dark secrets that he can expose.

[Author’s note: This MO is far too similar to the “Sqweegel” episode of CSI that ruined my damn life. I don’t appreciate Hawaii Five-0 reminding me of this traumatic event.]

Five-0 uncovers Holm’s previous victim, Jason Putnam. Putnam posted a confession about his embezzling online, and he hasn’t been seen or heard from since. Five-0 tracks him down using the live camera feeds on Holm’s computer. Holm forced him to confess, watch the fallout — and then he left him with a gun in a locked room until he killed himself.

Now, Holm is recreating this with Addison. He posts a livestream from Addison’s profile, but Toast struggles to trace it before they lose the signal. Addison confesses (under duress) that she hit and killed someone with her car five years ago. She told the police the man stepped out into traffic, but really, she was texting.

Once he cuts the feed, Holm leaves Addison with a gun, but Addison is not rolling over that quickly. When Holm comes back to check on her, she pistol whips him and turns the gun on him, but it won’t fire.

A chase through the creepy warehouse ensues, and I cannot stress how much Addison is not messing around. She runs Holm through with a POLE. He’s about to return the favor when Five-0 arrives and saves the day. (Addison is probably still going to jail, though, right?)

Image Credit: CBS

With the case solved, Toast treats the team to chicken and waffles in L.A. Toast and Steve — who is newly addicted to Poopy Penguin — ride first class, while a lucky Danny gets to use Jerry as a pillow back in coach. Like I said, things could be worse.

Quotes of the Week
“I don’t do time zones. I do, however, very much enjoy a good breakfast.” –Toast

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” –Toast
“I do hate the game.” –Danny, who has been burned by his children’s in-app purchases before

“I can’t believe this. We’re sending Scooby and Shaggy in to work this lead.” –Danny isn’t thrilled with Toast and Jerry’s active role in the investigation.

“I project outward confidence as a way of coping with stress. Inside, I’m terrified.” –Max being #relatable

Hawaii Five-0 airs Fridays at 9/8C on CBS.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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