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'General Hospital' fan recap: Just you and me

Season 54 | Episodes 2–6 | Aired April 4–8, 2016

Sometimes, as a viewer, you stop and wonder who exactly you are supposed to be rooting for in a General Hospital story. When there’s a clear-cut villain (Helena, Faison, Heather, Jerry, etc.), it is easy to do. But when it comes to the latest back-and-forth (and back and forth and back and forth) between Sonny and Julian, it’s not exactly clear where our allegiances are supposed to lie. One thing is certain—if everyone takes a drink every time the name “Carlos Rivera” is uttered, we would all be very intoxicated.

Let’s start with Julian. For some reason, Julian is back dealing with mob stuff. It’s always going to be “stuff,” as it’s always unclear exactly what is at stake beyond control of the “territory.” The immediate concern is how this is going to derail his newlywed status, which is bothersome, to say the least. Alexis came back to Julian after she learned he did put the hit out on Duke, but his stepping away from the business was a fairly large factor in their reconciliation. So now that he’s moving back in as the head of the family, and having clandestine meetings with Hammer, are we supposed to see Julian as a villain? Does anybody want this? Is anybody rooting for a take-down of Julian?

Of course, Sonny and Anna are both firmly determined that their end game is Julian behind bars. Anna is a beloved character, with a rich General Hospital history, but it’s so odd to see her teaming up with Sonny. It’s also strange to hear her so ready to serve time for attempted murder. Was Carlos even shot in the first place? We saw him shot, but if the whole thing was somehow staged, is Anna really culpable of anything? Sloan is dead and Carlos is a hit man, so what exactly is going to put her behind bars besides her own words? Of course, chloroforming and handcuffing the District Attorney is certainly a criminal act, but on the plus side … Paul finally shut up for a few minutes.

Then there is Sonny, who rants about vengeance for Duke and his own shooting. At some point, it has to come out that Carlos didn’t actually shoot Sonny, right? Sonny’s retribution declarations are somewhat flimsy, since Ava is still around (despite having killed Connie) and Sonny walks free (despite having killed A.J.). Sonny wants Julian behind bars, even though nobody (except Blackie Parrish) ever seems to serve anything resembling a full prison sentence in Port Charles. And now we have Carly, who, despite knowing Sonny’s proclivity for violence every time she married him, is fretting about as if Sonny has signed his own death wish. And all we can think is, “Why now?” What is it about Carlos that has her so much more up in arms than any other time Sonny’s business has put him in danger?

The Carlos situation isn’t the only questionable deception happening about town this week. Hayden makes it clear to Nikolas that she has no plans to end their marriage, despite the obvious reasons to do so. Hayden admits to her best bud (and now bodyguard) Curtis that she does love Nikolas, but also loves the lifestyle that mirrors the financial life she was raised with. Hayden plays her hand to Nikolas, knowing that her husband had her shot all those months ago. Elizabeth frets that Nikolas is once again planning to take Hayden out. What none of them counted on is that Jason and Sam are putting together the same pieces, courtesy of a visit to Shawn Butler at Pentonville. At first the pair think perhaps it’s Hayden’s Rachel Berlin past that led to her shooting, but they quickly draw the obvious Nikolas conclusion.

Sam hightails it to Wyndemere to confront Nikolas. It’s funny how easy it is to show up at Nikolas’ door, considering one needs ride a boat to get there. Sam blasts Nikolas and threatens to call the police, which leads to the two scuffling over Sam’s phone. Jason bursts in and beats the snot out of Prince Cassadine, taking a few punches at Curtis as well. Sam manages to stop Jason from actually killing Nikolas, but it’s clear that Jason’s latent goon tendencies are bubbling right under the surface. Hayden tends to her wounded husband, even crawling into bed next to him. Nikolas allows for it, but now sleeps with a knife on his bedside table.

Apparently, administering a good beating is an aphrodisiac for Jason and Sam, as they no sooner get back to Jason’s new apartment than they literally jump each other. Their long-awaited reconnection is scored by their song, “Just You and Me” by Jayson Belt, and it’s all slow, passionate, intercut scenes that surely had #Jasam fans jumping for joy. Let’s face it, their chemistry is really quite undeniable. The next day, the pair talk about it being new but familiar. Oddly enough, Jason told Elizabeth how “familiar” she was the first time they bedded as well. So while his memories are still elusive, apparently his libido is far more cognitive. While Sam is still hesitant to label their new direction, both are clearly beaming the morning after. Even a surprise visit from Carly, begging Jason to intervene with Sonny’s plans, don’t hide Jason and Sam’s post-sex glow. Jason does do Carly the favor, but his connection to Sonny is so minimal at this point that it doesn’t do much good.

Finn is apparently doing much good for Tracy, as he and Griffin rush her to surgery after her latest seizure. Monica worries about possible personality changes from brain surgery, obviously drawing on that time her son went from medical student to mob enforcer. Tracy comes through the surgery fine, but makes it a point to tell Monica how much she loves her. Is Tracy just coming out of anesthesia, or did the worm-removal process leave her an altered, schmoopy softie? Surgery certainly leaves Finn a hot mess, as he is agitated, short with Griffin (who mastered “cowboys and neurosurgeons” with a visiting Emma earlier in the week), and jonesing for his mystery injection.

Maxie and Nathan finally discuss Claudette, with Nathan admitting that Claudette was his green card–seeking wife whom he fell in love with. Nathan says the marriage was annulled after Claudette was unfaithful, but his hurried call to Obrecht reveals that there are more secrets to be revealed.

One secret finally revealed is Julian’s culpability for Crimson’s woes. Nina goes off on him in an epic rage, throwing everything in the office that isn’t nailed down. Citing advertiser fraud, Nina gets Julian to relinquish control of the magazine to her. But her happiness is short-lived, as after a celebratory afternoon romp with Franco, Nina admits that she went through with the Dr. Lee exam over his objections. Nina is sure the news will be good and that they possibly just conceived a child. When the call comes in confirming Nina’s infertility, she goes off on Franco. It’s hard to empathize with Nina here, as Franco is well within his logical rights not to want a child.

Alexis takes her child’s situation into her own hands, paying Parker a visit at Wesleyan. Parker reaffirms that she did nothing to lead Kristina on. Parker gives Alexis a PFLAG-worthy talk about letting Kristina come to terms with who she is on her own timetable, instead of questioning her every step of the way. Kristina is prepared to read Alexis the meddlesome riot act, but instead Alexis apologizes and offers to support her daughter. Though Kristina is a bit of a brat, Alexis doesn’t focus on that; instead, she is just sad that Kristina didn’t feel she could come to her in the first place. With her mother’s love firmly in check, Kristina still isn’t ready to discuss things with Sonny.

Finally, Ava waffles between staking her claim to Avery and fearing for her life. Julian tells Hammer to make sure nobody goes after Ava. But Ava still fears that it’s more than Sonny making threats on her life. A dead and bloody bird in her bed does nothing to assuage those worries. #RIPTweety!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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