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'Tales from the Crypt' nostalgia recap: Together forever (and ever)

Season 2 | Episode 4 | “‘Til Death” | Aired April 24, 1990

After a brief hiatus, Tales from the Crypt write-ups are back this week with a hot (humid) story of sex, riches, and a dash of voodoo magic.

But first, take a gander at this picture of the Crypt Keeper himself, John Kassir, and me—taken this past weekend (at the Monster Mania Convention)!

John Kassir - Monster Mania

See, I’ve been busy! And now, back to our tale …

Directed by creature-effects guru Chris Walas (Gremlins, The Fly) “‘Til Death” stars D.W. Moffett (Switched at Birth) as Logan, a young businessman out to find his wealth in the muggy Caribbean swamps. Of course, in the process, he finds something else.

We open on a traditional (stereotypical) voodoo ceremony. There’s dancing by the fire, snakes, and vengeful notions as a witchy woman, Psyche (Janet Hubert, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air), tosses a photograph of Logan into the flames.

Elsewhere, Logan basks in his Anglo-American setup: white suits, alcohol, and a fancy house. He toasts business stuff with his doctor friend Freddy (Aubrey Morris, A Clockwork Orange, The Wicker Man ’73). Logan spots a lovely lady across the way. Meet Margaret Richardson (Pamela Gien, The Last Supper), a haughty woman of wealth and serious attitude. And she complains about everything.

Tales from the Crypt - Til Death

A work emergency intervenes, and Logan is quickly pulled from the party. It seems Logan’s land—where he’s to make his big bucks—is quicksand. Right on the spot, one of Logan’s reluctant laborers is swallowed whole. If Logan is to make anything off of this deadly real estate, he’s going to need more money.

Back at the party, Logan’s mood has soured, until he remembers dear Margaret—and her millions. He attempts to flirt, only to be struck down by the stuck-up society Brit.

Tales from the Crypt - Til Death

It’s time for plan B. Logan heads to see Psyche—you know, the scorned woman from the voodoo fire circle. He wants Psyche’s assistance in wooing Margaret—via a bit of sorcery. See, Psyche and Logan used to be a thing, but because he runs in a different social circle, he dropped poor Psyche. In other words, Logan dumped a known occultist.

But Psyche grants Logan’s request and concocts a love potion. “If you give her one drop, she’ll be your wife. But if you give her two, she’ll be yours for life.” Words to remember.

Logan meets with Margaret and shows her his plans for developing the land. She’s unimpressed—time for the potion. Logan serves up a drink to Margaret, containing one single drop of the magic brew.

Margaret immediately feels an effect and Logan kisses her, but it’s a little too soon. She slaps him and leaves.

Later that night, Margaret appears to Logan while he sleeps. Yep, the potion is working hard, and the lovemaking begins.

Elsewhere, Psyche performs another dirty trick to “help” Logan’s romantic affair. Wait for it …

The next morning, Margaret—or Maggie, as she now wants to be called—disses one of Logan’s longtime servants. His retort: another drop of love potion. And then the whole darn bottle. They toast, “to our undying love.”

As Maggie sips her infused champagne, the mixture’s effects are quick—and bad news. As she convulses, Logan calls for Freddy (remember, he’s a doctor). Before Maggie takes her final breath, she says, “I’ll always love you, forever and ever!”

After dear Maggie’s burial, Logan rushes to see the good witch—and he’s angry. He almost kills her, but ultimately decides she’s not worth the prison time he’d get. Psyche replies, “Where you’re going is far worse.”

A distraught (for all the wrong reasons) Logan gets loaded and chats up Maggie’s grave. But—surprise, surprise—Maggie rises from the earth! Deciding her death was a mere mistake, Logan is thrilled to have Maggie (and her bank account) back among the living. And, aside from breaking a nail, Maggie is overjoyed to have Logan back. Time to hit the sheets again!

Back in Psyche’s den, she whiles away her time and constructs a duo of voodoo dolls.

Tales from the Crypt - Til Death

In the meantime, Maggie becomes the little homemaker and cooks dinner for her man. Logan gets home and immediately smells not the food, but a very dead Maggie.

Later, Logan is delighted to tell his pal Freddy that he made a mistake in Maggie’s death. Freddy laughs and says that’s impossible—he embalmed Maggie!

A rotting Maggie enters and proceeds to decapitate Freddy—and break another nail. Poor girl.

Tales from the Crypt - Til Death

Logan finally recounts what Psyche told him about the potion and the “forever” stuff. Maggie is dead, but Logan still tries to kill her a few times. He shoots her, but she comes back, only slightly perturbed.

Logan takes off into the swampland and Maggie follows. His land gets the best of him, and he’s pulled into the quicksand. Just in time, his almost dearly departed girl rescues him. But Logan sets Maggie on fire and pushes her into the deadly sand!

After feeling that he accomplished something, Logan heads back home and pours himself a stiff one. Speaking of stiff, rigor mortis–ridden Maggie crashes through the window. No flesh, all bones, she’s back!

Tales from the Crypt - Til Death

Logan’s down to his final recourse. He rifles through dead Freddy’s medicine bag, finds a bottle of poison, and downs it all. If he can’t take Maggie’s life, he might as well take his own.

Well, at least that was the plan. There’s no easy way for Logan. Psyche readily resurrects him. Almost giddy, Psyche pronounces, “Now, there’s someone who’s just dying to see you!”

With Freddy’s severed head, Maggie is back with Logan, and the two lovebirds are reunited … for life! With what can only be described as a hearty tongue, Maggie leans in for one hell of an everlasting kiss.

Tales from the Crypt - Til Death

Crypt Keeper Final Thought

“Girls like that are pretty hard to dig up. Anyway, looks like poor old Logan has got himself a zombie. I think I’ll have one too!” (sips drink)

Fun Facts

While director Chris Walas is definitely known more for his creature effects, he also directed The Fly II. He also won an Academy Award for Best Makeup in The Fly (with Stephan Dupuis).

But horror isn’t his only gig. Walas has worked on Star Wars: Episode IV—Return of the Jedi, Arachnophobia (the horror-comedy), and a little movie called Airplane!.

Notable Quotes

“You said she was a tad high-strung. She’s a bitch on wheels!” —Logan (after meeting Margaret)

“If that’s the crème de la crème of island society, give me skimmed milk.” —Margaret

“To Margaret, may she rest in peace. I thought I’d never get over her death. In fact, I thought she’d never get over it either.” —Logan

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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