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Lorelai Gilmore and Sarah Braverman: A tale of two TV BFFs

Like countless others who imagined themselves living among the quirky characters in Stars Hollow, Connecticut, back in the day, I’m more than slightly freaking out over the Gilmore Girls revival. I’ve been devouring every article and nugget of information relating to all things Gilmore: who’s coming back (Dean and Jess? Oy with the poodles already), who’s not (GIVE ME SOOKIE OR GIVE ME DEATH), things we know are happening (Rory isn’t married, which really isn’t all that shocking), and things we hope will happen (Lorelai + Luke = TLA).

I’ve taken online quizzes to 1) prove to myself I’m a Gilmore Girls genius, and 2) rub that fact in everyone’s face on social media. I’ve been rewatching the entire series on Netflix and have become, once again, convinced that Lorelai Gilmore and I could be BFFs. After all, we share many of the same qualities.

Lorelai Gilmore

But no sooner have I ensconced myself back in Gilmore mode than I remember someone else. Someone who only a short time ago, I said goodbye to. Someone who, after three lonely years, filled the Lorelai Gilmore–shaped hole in my heart: Sarah Braverman.

Sarah Braverman

While it was almost unbelievable to imagine that another could replace Lorelai Gilmore in my world, Sarah Braverman was a worthy substitute. Was it their uncanny resemblance to each other? Maybe, at first. I mean, sure, it was easy to warm up to Sarah when she was a dead ringer for the friend I had been missing terribly for three years. But once I got to know her, I realized that while she possessed many of the same qualities as my old pal—quick wit, fierce maternal devotion, killer dance moves—it was the new, different things she brought to the friendship that made it exciting for the (almost) five years we were besties. You know, make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold kind of a thing.

Losing Sarah Braverman hit me hard. Sure, losing her whole family—which I may or may not have pretended to be a part of—was devastating, but losing another TV BFF took a long time to get over. For the past year, I’ve been a ship without a port, sailing around aimlessly in the gigantic sea of television, hoping to find a new person to latch onto. Tragic, isn’t it?

Sarah Braverman crying

You can imagine, then, how exciting the news of my old pal Lorelai Gilmore’s return was—and continues to be on a daily basis, as I wait anxiously for the show to air. What might be surprising is that the excitement is counterweighted with guilt: guilt that I’m cheating on Sarah Braverman so soon after her fresh, painful exit from my life.

Luke Danes

Is it possible to cheat on a TV BFF? Because that’s what I feel like I’m doing with my euphoria over Lorelai’s return, and to be honest, it’s confusing. I’d by lying if I said there haven’t been a few times in the past month while I’m rewatching Gilmore Girls when I have a momentary brain lapse and forget which friend I’m looking at. (Naturally, I then apologize to my screen.) I’ve considered rewatching Parenthood simultaneously to help even things out, but if I do that, I’m afraid my head would explode.

Oy, with the poodles already

So what’s the solution (other than checking myself into TV—or real life—rehabilitation)? How can I ensure that my attention and devotion to both Lorelai Gilmore and Sarah Braverman is equal? I’m not sure. But this I do know: I should stop worrying about it, because as long as I’ve got a working screen, I’ll never be lonely again.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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