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'Shadowhunters' roundtable: Vampires and demons

Season 1 | Episode 7 | “Major Arcana” | Aired Feb 23, 2016

Each week, EW Community Contributors Terri Clark and Zakiya Jamal, both passionate fans of Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series, will discuss the newest episode of Shadowhunters.

SPOILER ALERT: There are minimal spoilers from the books. Read at your own risk. If you have NOT read the books, what are you waiting for? Nothing, and we mean NOTHING, beats them!

Zakiya: Simon had sex!! Simon got laid! WHAT?!?!

Terri: And apparently he was 50 Shades–and-some-Vulcan better than you’d think.

Zakiya: Simon being good in bed is just as shocking as him having sex in the first place.

Zakiya: Yikes! Saying the wrong name in bed is an absolute no-no.

Terri: Yeah, Maureen needs to cut her losses. Simon just keeps “Clarying” her.

Zakiya: “We didn’t do much sleeping.” Oh my God. I’m crying. Malec for the win!

Terri: Too bad Alec was just playing nursemaid. You know when THAT happens with Malec, it won’t be off-screen.

Zakiya: Oh, it better not be. Malec shippers everywhere will raise hell if they don’t show at least a makeout scene.

Zakiya: Only Simon would take notes to figure out if he’s a vampire or not.

Terri: I love him for that! And I feel bad that he’s freaking out so hard. Vampire anxiety attack.

Simon worries he

Zakiya: Dang it! I knew Luke’s partner was dead.

Terri: Luke’s having the bad day of all bad days. At least they can’t pin it on him, seeing as how they had him in custody. But Fisk’s Facebook-page comment was a low blow! Morbidly funny, but low.

Zakiya: The fact that Simon’s mom and sister really think Simon’s on drugs is hilarious. He’s the last person that’d do drugs.

Terri: Whoa! That vamp rage is intense. I’d flip out if my mom started talking about STDs and her own college “experiments,” but I wouldn’t bust my desk in half.

Zakiya: That was such a move on Clary’s part. She didn’t need the rune on her back. She could’ve drawn it herself on her arm.

Terri: Totally! She had miles of bare skin on both arms.

Terri: Loved the whole flirting discussion between Izzy and Alec. How can Alec look like that and be so gawky? All he has to do is smile for God’s sake, and he’ll strike most people numb and dumb. You just know Matthew knows how to work those natural charms.

Zakiya: Totally. He’s the hottest guy on this show, honestly.

Zakiya: That awkward moment when you try to pull the cup out of the card, but your magic trick doesn’t go as planned. Poor Clary.

Terri: Not to mention that Jace is being an annoying, impatient ass in that whole scene.

Zakiya: “I don’t say this often, but I agree with Clary.” Alec makes it sound like they’ve known each other for years or something. When would you have said anything in relation to Clary?

Terri: Honestly, you could say the episode has been riddled with bad dialogue. Then they throw in a couple of giggles. Very uneven.

Terri: Aw, Simon’s voicemail to Clary got me in the feels. She’s being a very bad BFF. Alberto is definitely the MVP for this episode.

Zakiya: Seriously, I felt bad for Simon throughout this entire episode.

Zakiya: Clary really picked the worst time to have a heart to heart with Jace. You’re running from demons Clary. Save it for later!

Terri: Right! She can take the time to say a heartfelt “thank you” to Jace, but not answer calls from a petrified Simon?

Terri: One: Have you noticed how many demons look like super-sized bugs? I’d be tempted to try a big can of Raid. Maybe with a lighter. And two: It seemed totally out of character for Jace to tell Clary to run off on her own. He’s always been glued to her side or sent someone with her. That just wasn’t right!

Zakiya: Yeah, I don’t get why all these demons look like bugs especially when, if I remember correctly, a lot of demons are pretty human-like, especially the Greater Demons. And, yeah, Jace leaving Clary was surprising.

Zakiya: That hot second when Clary thought she stabbed the real Jace was terrifying. I was really concerned for a moment. They got me. I didn’t need that stress tonight. I really didn’t.

Terri: I love how she’s convinced Luke is real because he bought her spray paint for her birthday, but she doesn’t bother to “test” Alec or mention that she freaking stabbed his phony parabatai.

Zakiya: Well I guess in her mind, Luke would’ve known if Alec was a demon so Alec has to be safe.

Zakiya: I really want to know who all these other people in the Institute are supposed to be.

Terri: I think we should be invited on-set to be one of them. I’m pretty sure we could slay that acting job.

Zakiya: Yes! I want to be a background Shadowhunter!

Zakiya: Clary kissed Jace. Clary kissed Jace! The Clace ship has set sail. I’m so hyped even though I know this is going to get awkward real soon. But until then, yay!

Clary and Jace kiss

Terri: Woohoo! She just laid that on him. Way to go, Clary! That whole scene was definitely swoonworthy. Except for Alec’s noticeable pain.

Zakiya: Yeah, that was super unfortunate for Alec. He just needs to go and be with Magnus.

Terri: This episode was a mixed bag for me. I loved the big moments, but damn, some of the dialogue made me cringe. Looking forward to full-on vampire Simon next week.

Zakiya: Overall, I enjoyed it. The show has gotten a lot better than those first few episodes, plus it’s getting easier to put the books out of my mind and see this show as something separate. I’m excited for next week, especially since it seems like they’ll be even more Malec scenes. My fave!

Shadowhunters airs Tuesdays at 9/8C on Freeform (formerly ABC Family).

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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