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Every time 'Teachers' was all of us

Season 1 | Episode 4 | “Hall of Shame” | Aired Feb 3, 2016

Where have the Katydids been all my life, and why hasn’t Teachers been on TV all along? These ladies get it, and they do so in such a raunchy and inappropriate way, it makes me want to buy them a drink and then kiss them on the mouth.

This week’s episode, “Hall of Shame,” offers further proof that these women are indeed every single one of us.

They’re “having a lot of sex, but not in a slutty way.”

Preach, Teachers. I might just make this into a T-shirt and sell it on Etsy. The ladies, especially Snap, have a healthy and modern attitude about sex, and I think they are absolutely right. It’s about time we all had our sexual beast awakened.

We shouldn’t judge Snap for her kinky desires, even if that means knowing what “shrimping” is, or that she likes a foosball player up her butt.

It’s all okay.

They get rejected by guys they are clearly way too hot for.
Ouch! Is there anything more humiliating than thinking you’re the one who’s slumming it, and then having the school janitor break up with you? I don’t think so. I guess it doesn’t really matter if I think I’m out of his league; he can dump me anyway.

It went the only way it could with Snap: collapsing into a sniveling heap on the freshly waxed floor, unable to heft herself up from underneath the emotional load.

We’ve all been blindsided by a guy whom we thought would never break up with us. Maybe yours wasn’t a janitor; maybe he was a manager at a Chick-fil-A or a member of an a cappella group (like some of the other teachers). But no matter what, it’s a real ego punch, and it happens to the best of us.

They fight among themselves.
There’s no use in denying it, ladies. I wish it wasn’t such a cliché that women fight with each other, but anybody who has ever loved a woman like you love a best friend knows that sometimes they get on your nerves. And all bets are off if they tell a secret you don’t want repeated. I’m looking at you, Feldman.

I’ve been so angry at a friend before that I couldn’t even articulate fully formed thoughts. Instead, I just yelled, “So’s your face!’ really loud at her and stormed off.

They get down with the office romance.
Who among us hasn’t had a crush on somebody at work? It’s exciting and new, and is usually the sole motivator for getting up a half hour earlier to give myself a blowout.

Although my crush on the hunky English teacher across the hall probably can’t compare to Snap getting shrimped in the teachers’ lounge, I get it. It’s hot.

They can acknowledge, and even embrace, the walk of shame.
There’s nothing like the cold light of morning to make that “coochie skirt” seem like a scarlet letter. I know I’ve slinked home, heels in hand, needing a Gatorade, just like Snap. But she still looked great, right?

I can’t, however, claim that I’ve turned up to class wearing the same club clothes as the night before—but that’s just because I always keep a change of clothes in my desk.

Thanks for representing, cast of Teachers. You get me. You really get me.

Teachers airs Wednesdays at 10:30 p.m. on TV Land.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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