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'Undateable' fan recap: The art of intimacy

Season 3 | Episode 10 | “A New Year’s Resolution Walks Into a Bar” | Aired Jan 8, 2016

Since the leads of Undateable are actually dating now, the natural path for the sitcom is to explore storylines that involve a lack of intimacy. Musical guest Charlie Puth sits at a piano looking young and innocent, plunking out his big hit, “Let’s Marvin Gaye and Get It On,” as the ever-appropriate soundtrack for an entire episode about romance. Ten bucks says Justin and Candace use this track for musical karaoke. I can hear it now: Justin sings the part of Meghan Trainor.

With the New Year kicked off, everyone sits around the bar making resolutions. If only we all could jump-start 2016 like Shelly, who has lost a ton of weight! (Way to go, Ron Funches!) When Charlotte waltzes in wearing tight leather pants, Candace makes a vow to be sexier. Danny offers to be her trainer, claiming that he oozes sex appeal in everything he does, including acts in the bedroom. He proudly asks Charlotte to rate him (on a scale between Danny and Justin), and she gives him a 6. A somber Danny retreats to his special place (the movie theater) to spoil a major plot point of the new Star Wars film.

Back at home, Danny can’t understand why Charlotte thinks he’s so bad in bed. Chris D’Elia’s physical comedy once again steals the show as he writhes and thrusts on the couch, claiming his hips have a mind of their own, which drives women wild. Justin points out that maybe Charlotte wants to smash genitals AND hearts. Intimacy is the key to a higher ranking. Then Justin demonstrates on Danny how to be intimate using only his words. The exchange between Brent Morin and D’Elia was perfect. I have no idea how they didn’t laugh through the entire bit.

Danny admits that he doesn’t know how to be intimate. Justin suggests that he start with a simple couch cuddle. Pretend to be a koala hugging a tree. Cut to Danny cuddling Charlotte like a two-year-old riding piggyback with a death grip that chokes the life out of the other person. Danny explains that he’s trying to cuddle and Charlotte smiles, turning into her own version of a koala. This does not sit well with Danny. He rants about how women are always trying to change their boyfriends.

On the flip side, Candace is trying to change for Justin. After receiving duck-face lessons and recommendations of sending nudie pictures, Leslie convinces Candace that all she needs is to be confident. A surprise kiss should do the trick. Once again, an example is demonstrated, this time between Leslie and Charlotte (with Burski in the shot between their faces). The girls break and dissolve into a fit of giggles before their lips lock. Leslie says she needs more wine to make that jump. Enter Shelly with two bottles.

Later, everyone in the bar blames each other for doling out bad romance advice. Danny throws a beer in Justin’s face. Candace throws one in Charlotte’s face. Things escalate, and a drink fight ensues. I feel sorry for the janitor. They are going to need a major cleanup before the West Coast live show!

Danny calms down and pulls Charlotte close to him. He knows that her favorite scene in The Notebook is when Ryan Gosling and “that big forehead girl” kiss. He turns to ask Brett to make it rain. The good bartender smiles, grabs his soda gun, and sprays Sprite over the couple, who affectionately begin making out in the lemon-lime mist.

For two people who are so undateable, it was very sweet. And probably sticky.

Love Notes
I asked you not to wear my leather pants. You’ll stretch out the hips.
Charlotte: And the crotch.

Charlotte: Our sex life is good. Everyone loves the danger of doing it on your roommate’s floor when he sleeps inches away.
Justin: I thought that was a dream!

Undateable airs live on Fridays at 8/7C on NBC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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