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'Undateable' fan recap: The art of intimacy

Season 3 | Episode 10 | “A New Year’s Resolution Walks Into a Bar” | Aired Jan 8, 2016

Since the leads of Undateable are actually dating now, the natural path for the sitcom is to explore storylines that involve a lack of intimacy. Musical guest Charlie Puth sits at a piano looking young and innocent, plunking out his big hit, “Let’s Marvin Gaye and Get It On,” as the ever-appropriate soundtrack for an entire episode about romance. Ten bucks says Justin and Candace use this track for musical karaoke. I can hear it now: Justin sings the part of Meghan Trainor.

With the New Year kicked off, everyone sits around the bar making resolutions. If only we all could jump-start 2016 like Shelly, who has lost a ton of weight! (Way to go, Ron Funches!) When Charlotte waltzes in wearing tight leather pants, Candace makes a vow to be sexier. Danny offers to be her trainer, claiming that he oozes sex appeal in everything he does, including acts in the bedroom. He proudly asks Charlotte to rate him (on a scale between Danny and Justin), and she gives him a 6. A somber Danny retreats to his special place (the movie theater) to spoil a major plot point of the new Star Wars film.

Back at home, Danny can’t understand why Charlotte thinks he’s so bad in bed. Chris D’Elia’s physical comedy once again steals the show as he writhes and thrusts on the couch, claiming his hips have a mind of their own, which drives women wild. Justin points out that maybe Charlotte wants to smash genitals AND hearts. Intimacy is the key to a higher ranking. Then Justin demonstrates on Danny how to be intimate using only his words. The exchange between Brent Morin and D’Elia was perfect. I have no idea how they didn’t laugh through the entire bit.

Danny admits that he doesn’t know how to be intimate. Justin suggests that he start with a simple couch cuddle. Pretend to be a koala hugging a tree. Cut to Danny cuddling Charlotte like a two-year-old riding piggyback with a death grip that chokes the life out of the other person. Danny explains that he’s trying to cuddle and Charlotte smiles, turning into her own version of a koala. This does not sit well with Danny. He rants about how women are always trying to change their boyfriends.

On the flip side, Candace is trying to change for Justin. After receiving duck-face lessons and recommendations of sending nudie pictures, Leslie convinces Candace that all she needs is to be confident. A surprise kiss should do the trick. Once again, an example is demonstrated, this time between Leslie and Charlotte (with Burski in the shot between their faces). The girls break and dissolve into a fit of giggles before their lips lock. Leslie says she needs more wine to make that jump. Enter Shelly with two bottles.

Later, everyone in the bar blames each other for doling out bad romance advice. Danny throws a beer in Justin’s face. Candace throws one in Charlotte’s face. Things escalate, and a drink fight ensues. I feel sorry for the janitor. They are going to need a major cleanup before the West Coast live show!

Danny calms down and pulls Charlotte close to him. He knows that her favorite scene in The Notebook is when Ryan Gosling and “that big forehead girl” kiss. He turns to ask Brett to make it rain. The good bartender smiles, grabs his soda gun, and sprays Sprite over the couple, who affectionately begin making out in the lemon-lime mist.

For two people who are so undateable, it was very sweet. And probably sticky.

Love Notes
I asked you not to wear my leather pants. You’ll stretch out the hips.
Charlotte: And the crotch.

Charlotte: Our sex life is good. Everyone loves the danger of doing it on your roommate’s floor when he sleeps inches away.
Justin: I thought that was a dream!

Undateable airs live on Fridays at 8/7C on NBC.