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Missed opportunities for a Hallmark Christmas movie

Hi, my name is Sam and I am a TV Christmas movie addict. This isn’t a secret, but gosh, it feels good to say out loud. My affinity for these movies—especially those of the Hallmark variety—has often led me to put myself in the role of a Hallmark protagonist. I mean, I do have a lot in common with the average Hallmark heroine. For example …

I work in book publishing, which is one of the dream jobs in romantic comedies, and fits in well with the “job in media” trope Hallmark utilizes frequently.

I come from a wacky family in Ohio, but now live in New York City. I always fly home for the holidays, tempting delayed flights (a classic trope) and being sat next to handsome strangers (always in Hallmark movies, less so in my actual life). These travels have prompted my #Sam4Hallmark2k15 hashtag, in which I live-tweet my travels on the off-chance I experience my own meet-cute.

I sing a lot, and I own a lot of scarves and a bright red peacoat. I am also eternally single, and therefore familiar with pressure from Mom to date, like every Hallmark protagonist.

And finally, as Merry Matrimony put it, I am a Christmas Queen. I love Christmas. It’s my favorite time of year. I yearn for snow—this year is physically painful—and I listen to Christmas music year-round (which is easy, because I have 14 hours of it on my iTunes).

This year, I had decorated three Christmas trees before December 1st. I have a special box of Christmas ornaments under my bed, and I send out more than 50 Christmas cards every year. This year, I made many of those cards by hand out of construction paper and a glue stick like it was craft time in first grade.

And finally, I have watched every Hallmark Christmas movie that has aired this year, and have written a dozen or so posts about Hallmark Christmas movies. (There will be a quiz. Hope you’ve read them!)

So, I hope I’ve proven my case. Me = Hallmark protagonist.

So with this comparison in mind, I decided to tempt fate. I would head into Manhattan two weeks before Christmas and hit all of the major Christmas-y tourist spots. I would create my own Hallmark movie! But, since this is real life and not a movie filmed in Canada last summer, things didn’t go as planned. So here are the missed opportunities for my very own Hallmark Christmas movie.Christmas in NYC

EXPECTATION
I would leave my big, beautiful one-bedroom apartment that gets lots of natural sunlight and be right in the throes of midtown Manhattan. I’d be bundled in my cutest scarf and peacoat.

REALITY
My roommate and I left our tiny-ish Brooklyn apartment and took a 45-minute, crowded subway ride to reach midtown Manhattan. It was 62 degrees.

EXPECTATION
We would head to the famous Serendipity 3 and be immediately seated. Maybe I’ll forget my scarf

REALITY
We prepared to arrive at Serendipity 45 minutes early to ensure we got a table, only to find out that the café is not open on Sundays.

EXPECTATION
We then headed to Toys “R” Us in Times Square. Would I find a handsome single dad, trying to juggle a young daughter and a mountain of toys? The boxes tumble from his arms, and I rush to help him pick them up. Our eyes meet …

REALITY
My roommate and I were the only adults on the ferris wheel not accompanying a child. People looked as us a little funny.

EXPECTATION
The checkout lines would only be long enough for me to check someone out, if you know what I mean. Long enough to have a funny but brief conversation with the bewildered man standing in front of me. “Will my niece like this toy?!”

REALITY
I AM GOING TO DIE IN THIS LINE. WHY AM I SHOPPING IN TIMES SQUARE 12 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS?!

EXPECTATION
Isn’t New York City beautiful this time of year? I love all the people who are taking pictures of the sights and carrying giant shopping bags. Look at the happy families. “Can I take a photo of you all in front of this Christmas attraction? Merry Christmas!”

REALITY
MOOOOOOOOVVVEEEE. Why is everyone walking so slooooowwww?! Why did I buy this giant toy for my cousin? I have to carry this bag with me ALL DAY. “Hey, watch it with the selfie stick!!” I nearly lost my roommate in those crowds. I nearly lost MY LIFE.

EXPECTATION
Oh wow, look at these beautiful holiday decorations. The giant lights and ornaments! The tree on top of Radio City! I want to get a picture.

REALITY: Oh wow, look at these beautiful holiday decorations. The giant lights and ornaments! The tree on top of Radio City! I want to get a picture. I’ll just wait for 10 minutes until I can fight my way through the crowds and get close enough. I managed to get a picture without any randos in it! Success!

Christmas in NYC

EXPECTATION
Isn’t the tree in Rockefeller Center beautiful? I should take a photo of it. But wait, a handsome stranger offers to take a photo of me in front of the tree. So sweet. Take a selfie in front of the tree together? This is crazy, we just met! But it feels right, you know? Maybe we’ll head down to ice skate afterwards. We can drink hot chocolate, too. He’ll have to hold my hand as we skate around the rink. I’m such a klutz!

REALITY
Look at all of those happy couples taking photos in front of the tree. Then look a little to the left. There’s me. Alone. Taking a selfie. But the tree really is beautiful.

The author at the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center

EXPECTATION
I’ll stroll in front of Macy’s flagship 34th Street store to see their famous window displays. This year it’s Peanuts themed. So cute! I’ll take a quick photo of each window and be on my way.

REALITY
I swear to you, I could not get one photo of those windows that didn’t have a child or the edge of someone else’s phone in it.

EXPECTATION
Wouldn’t it be silly if I went and waited in the line to see Santa! I’ll ask him for a boyfriend! Hahaha silly Christmas wishes! It’ll never come true …

REALITY
Not even for journalistic integrity or for a good laugh was I going to go into Macy’s in Herald Square and wait in line to see Santa two weeks before Christmas. It’s not worth it. I’m sorry.

So, as you can see, had my day been scripted by a Hallmark team, it would have gone very differently. There would have been less jostling, more photographic opportunities, and sparks flying up and down midtown. I may not be in my own Hallmark movie (yet), but I did find my true love in NYC at Christmastime: a delicious snowman cookie.

Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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class="author-text"> <a class="bold author-name" href="/author/elisabeth-vincentelli/">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a> <div class="timestamp published-date padding-12-left"> April 14, 2000 AT 04:00 AM EDT </div> </div> </div> <!-- Article Content --> <div id="article-body" class="article content body clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile " data-tracking-zone="bottom-recirc" > <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component" data-tracking-zone=outbrain-bottom> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <div id="ad-728x90_FT_td_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper desktop-ad tablet-ad " data-dimensions="728x90" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div id="ad-300x250_FT_m_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper mobile-ad " data-dimensions="300x250" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxupdatecorrelator="true" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" 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