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'Vanderpump Rules' fan recap: Lala is nada but drama

Season 4 | Episode 5 | “Cock of the Walk” | Aired Nov 30, 2015

An Out-of-Towner’s Review of SUR
I was in West Hollywood doing some shopping, and my husband and I decided to get some dinner. I asked him where he wanted to get dinner, and that exact time, three guys in a convertible drive by, chanting “Vanderpump RULES!” (or was it Vanderbilt? Maybe there was a game?). So my husband, as I later found out, said “sure,” but I heard it as SUR. So after popping it into the GPS, we arrived at the restaurant, eager and hungry.

The first thing that happened was that the young gentlemen who was DJing, and we know he was James Kennedy because it’s written on his laptop, suddenly stopped DJing and headed outside, apparently to “take care of something.” Is that customary in restaurants now? Also, we could hear their conversation from the inside of SUR. James was screaming at someone named Kristen, accusing her of sleeping with someone in Detroit and how she’ll never get someone as young and good-looking as him. “Darling, you are jokes,” he kept repeating, which I assumed was a quirky British saying. I should have complained then, but we were so hungry we didn’t want to go someplace else.

After about an hour of the bartenders talking about some man who was cutting off his ponytail, we finally got our watered-down drinks after they discussed James making out with someone who calls herself Lala. Then, after overhearing a pseudo-British woman counseling a young woman about drugs, we got served something called goat-cheese balls. Truth be told, we never paid the check because suddenly the staff all disappeared to go to a boxing match, because everyone kept saying, “I can’t wait to see how this will go down!” and, “Kristen is going to get scrappy with Lala!” Young people, I can’t understand this language. Or perhaps we had stumbled into some sort of postmodern dinner theater?

Vanderpump Rules

“Look at this conflict and drama! I created that! Me! Me! I’m so proud!”

Eventually we got tired of waiting and just walked out of the place as the pseudo-British lady was telling a man who’s allergic to shirt buttons that he used to be the “cock of the walk,” but now James is taking his place. I assume they mean James Kennedy, who had now completely abandoned his DJing and put on a Skrillex Pandora channel instead.

We did, however, get recommendations for other places to visit:

The Red Lion Tavern, where you can day-drink with your “girl power” friend, brag how much you didn’t eat, and complain about the boyfriend who dumped you for a woman named Lala.

The Nail Truck, where you can take your girlfriends into a camper and get your feet touched while you’re served liquor. Apparently, the rule of the camper is that if you are married, you get to dominate the conversation and tell your friends you have solved your husband’s addiction problems and he will now try to make you the happiest woman on earth because you want the credit for changing him. At least, that is what was written on the door before you go in.

Overall, three stars. Would do again.

Vanderpump Rules

“Just because I called you slutty doesn’t mean you are a slut!”

A Local Radio Advertisement
Friday! Friday! Friday! Don’t miss the spectacular humiliation of James Kennedy, at some unnamed nightclub. Get your VIP seats right next to James as he hits on Lala while Kristen arrives to embarrass them. You know Kristen as the toxic friend everyone tries to distance themselves from, until they want to use her for their own entertainment!

First, watch Scheana “The She-Wolf” Shay grill James “Laptop DJ” Kennedy about how he was still with Kristen when he started obliterating Lala “The Jammin’ Jumpsuit’s” mind with his smooth moves and cool tracks. And then, just when things get started, BAM! Kristen “The Punisher” Doute comes in and is about to go on triple-octane on James. But Lala invokes the power of GIRL and makes amends. Did not see that coming!

Kristen lays it down for Lala, saying that James was calling Lala a slut and a whore! Boooo! Illegal moves! James is down for the count, out of the ring, and cast aside from his friends. Will James back down? Will he yell and flail his arms? Will he claim that Kristen is jealous that his new ladyfriend is hotter than the guy she f—-d in Detroit? Probably all of that. Plus, Jax “The Nose” Taylor declares victory for his claim to Lala!

Vanderpump Rules

“Jax likey. “

Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9/8C on Bravo.