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'General Hospital' fan recap: Giving thanks

Season 53 | Episodes 167–169 | Aired Nov 23–25, 2015

Since many of our General Hospital characters celebrated this week, let’s take a look at what some of our favorite characters have to be grateful for this Thanksgiving season.

Grateful that undead hit men are dumb: Anna Devane

Anna has spent months feeling guilty and breaking down before our eyes after murdering Carlos. Once Anna unburdens her conscience to Dr. Maddox, a stroll on the pier proves fortuitous for Anna as she finds Carlos’ jewelry detailing his love for Sabrina. Add to that, after weeks of lurking, Carlos decides to pop over to Sabrina’s to reveal his not-really-dead status. After arousing the naturally fainting Sabrina, Carlos wants to run off with her and the forthcoming baby. Sabrina declares the baby is Michael’s and takes off to spend Thanksgiving with his families. Carlos, being ever so intelligent, decides to hang around Sabrina’s waiting for her to change her mind. Hmmm … I wonder where the first place Anna will look for Carlos is?

Grateful that she’s not at my house: Olivia Falconeri

Has there ever been a worse house guest than Olivia? Sure, she’s making good on the whole coparenting thing by bringing Leo to Julian and Alexis’ new digs, but rude doesn’t even begin to cover her behavior. It is one thing to bring a side dish to someone else’s house, but Olivia shows up with a carload of food and openly mocks Alexis for catering the meal. While there may always be room for cannoli, apparently manners are optional.

Grateful that nobody performed an autopsy: Helena Cassadine

Just as she’s about to possibly reveal that Elizabeth and Nikolas knew Jake was Jason, Helena stops breathing. Elizabeth performs CPR (on a bed, bad technique), and her doctor arrives to declare that Helena has died, despite the months he thought she had remaining. Having previously seen Helena die after Luke shot her in 2013, we wonder if this death will stick.

Grateful for football: Valerie Spencer

The ink on the separation papers isn’t even dry when Valerie stops by Dante’s apartment to bring him some Thanksgiving fixings. Dante is sulking because Lulu has taken more than a hot minute to forgive him for adultery. Valerie and Dante watch the Patriots vs. Bills football game, and despite the fact that the teams just played this past Monday (Bills lost), Valerie is ecstatic when the Bills win this “only in Port Charles” game. Her elation turns to passion when she plants a kiss on Dante. Dante resists, but only for a second, and the shirts come flying off. Lulu, however, whom Laura convinces to work on her marriage, will be probably not be as grateful.

Grateful for visiting hours: Morgan Corinthos

At the cabin with Kiki, Morgan’s manic episode continues with gunfire and a very uncomfortable kiss with Kiki. Thankfully Max, Carly, and Michael arrive, as there’s an open-ended question of how far Morgan would have taken things with Kiki. Max physically restrains Morgan and they hightail it back to Port Charles, so Morgan get the psychological evaluation he clearly needs. Morgan lists his stressors to Dr. Maddox, and oddly enough (Sonny being shot, Sonny losing custody of Avery, Dante and Lulu’s split, Carly’s car accident), none of them are his own actions. Morgan’s whole family, sans Dante, comes together to celebrate Thanksgiving in his hospital room. Also present is Kiki, who’s very thankful that Carly has opted not to press charges for running her off the road on Halloween.

Grateful for a thriving psychiatric practice: Dr. Andre Maddox

In addition to the aforementioned Anna and Morgan, it looks like Andre will soon be getting young Jake Spencer as a patient. Finally. Despite having been kept away from his family for years, it takes the breaking of a knickknack at the Quartermaines’ for Elizabeth to finally decide to obtain counseling for her son. Now that Andre has a full caseload, let’s hope his time in Port Charles continues to be honorable. The last thing viewers needs is another character who turns out to be a secret psychopath (cough, Paul, cough).

Grateful for talkative children: Sam Morgan

After returning from Greece, Sam admits to Patrick that she feels that even if Jason’s memories returned, she doesn’t feel anything would change between her and Jason. Jason no longer feels like her husband; he feels like a buddy to her. Sam has found her answer in Patrick, not her second choice. She renews her commitment to marrying Patrick (presumably once she divorces Jason). Even with Sam’s declarations of love for Patrick, she can’t help but look gut-punched when she sees him and Elizabeth at the Quartermaine Thanksgiving together. And Sam’s eyes open very wide as she hears Jake tell Danny that his mom (Elizabeth) and grandma (Laura) are keeping a secret …

Grateful for pizza: the Quartermaines

Paul and Dillon have given Cook #2 the night off as they prepare to deep-fry a turkey for the family. Monica, having been a Quartermaine for many years, has the traditional pizza ready on speed dial. Monica laments that Jason (Morgan) has never really partaken of family festivities, just as her undead son arrives at her doorstep. How awesome is it to see Monica finally have a chance at a familial relationship with her long-absent son? And, just as in years past, Thanksgiving disaster strikes as Paul and Dillon manage to blow a fuse, fry the electrical grid, and ruin any chance of turkey at the Quartermaine mansion. As the multigenerational group prepares to eat their pizza, Edward Quartermaine’s tradition is recalled. First they sing (“We Gather Together”), then they eat!

Happy Thanksgiving! A snippet of a classic Quartermaine Thanksgiving is below for you all to enjoy. The beloved song begins at the five-minute mark.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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