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'Tales from the Crypt' nostalgia recap: The ultimate pet peeve

Season 1 | Episode 6 | “Collection Completed” | Aired June 28, 1989

Tales from the Crypt rounds out season 1 with an off little story about a recently retired man, his kooky wife, and a bunch of domestic critters. In a fun, furry connection, this episode is directed by Mary Lambert of Pet Sematary fame. And even the Crypt Keeper’s intro gets on board with a little pet-loving with his dead-dog companion—okay, maybe not.

It’s one miserable rainy night for a retirement party, but that’s just what Anita (Audra Lindley, Three’s Company) is planning for her husband, Jonas (M. Emmet Walsh, Blade Runner). Thinking Jonas is home, she opens the door only to find a lost orange tabby cat—aptly named Mew Mew.

While busy with her new feline friend, Jonas comes home: soaked from the rain, grumpy and bitter about his forced retirement. Anita is fairly oblivious and easy-going. She says he should be proud of his career, but now is his time. Still gruff, Jonas goes to sit down at the table only to be poked by a cat toy. He tells Anita she doesn’t need any more pets because now she has him for company. From here on out, Mew Mew and Jonas are sworn enemies.

Jonas goes to bed angry, and Anita is disappointed. After all, it was a surprise party and all the pets (dogs, cats, birds, etc.) were waiting behind the kitchen door, dressed in festive attire.

The next morning, after a brief bout of confusion thinking he was going to be late for work, Jonas gets out of bed for his first official day of retirement. He and Anita share an awkward bathroom encounter where the two of them just aren’t in sync—bumping heads, mixed-up bathing schedules. It ends when Jonas is mortified into telling Anita that he needs to, ahem, do his business.

It’s breakfast time, and Anita is getting her pets, aka her friends, their food ready. She sizzles up a nice steak. But for whom? Jonas sits down ready to eat just as Anita passes by with the steak—it’s for one of the dogs. Jonas gets a bowl and mini box of cereal. Understandably, he gets angry, but Anita reminds Jonas that they’ve been her company. Still huffing and puffing, Jonas yells at a singing bird outside their kitchen window.

Down in the basement, Jonas cleans his gold retirement hammer and messes about with some tools. His neighbor, Roy (Martin Garner, Twilight Zone: The Movie), enters and gives him a model plane—something to work on during his retirement.

But Jonas has real work to do—pruning the bushes! Ah, housework. While trimming those shrubs, a portly bulldog shows up in the yard, but Jonas scares him away. After chatting more with Roy, it’s apparent that Anita’s eccentric animal affection isn’t just known in their household. Instead, it’s what the neighborhood associates her with—something very new to Jonas. Frustrated, he trims the bushes right down to the twigs.

Jonas sits down to a real lunch: a tuna fish sandwich and chips. Although this brand of tuna is less StarKist and more Fancy Feast. Again, Jonas gets mad, and at the most inopportune time, that little bulldog pushes his way through the doggy door into their kitchen. Side note: Some crew member clearly pushes that dog through the door. And to make matters worse, Anita’s named the dog—you guessed it—Jonas! You know, because the pudgy pooch reminded her of her husband.

That evening while watching TV, Jonas has a coughing fit and, of course, Anita thinks it sounds like a hairball. She goes to get him some aspirin while Jonas is forced to flip through television channels only pertaining to animals (Lassie included). When Anita reappears with his meds stuffed into some food, Jonas loses it. He’s not one of her pets!

Roy visits with Jonas again in the basement—and again brings another model vehicle. Roy tells his neighbor to slow down a bit, let life pass you by for a moment, but Jonas disagrees. He says the minute you slow down, that’s when you begin to die.

Jonas divulges Anita’s wacky pet/husband treatment. Roy rationally tells Jonas to talk to Anita about it.

We see Anita profusely apologizing to something at the kitchen table. As expected, it turns out to be Mew Mew, her newest cat. Jonas witnesses the interaction and heads outside to continue botching the bushes.

At this time, Anita brings Jonas some lemonade—that’s a nice gesture. She leaves it on the table and goes back inside. But cats be cats, and Mew Mew jumps up to knock over the drink. By this point, Jonas is finished with his wife’s domesticated friends, and he goes after the cat with the hedge clippers. He misses his mark and falls straight into the fish pond.

Adding salt to the already blistering wound, when Jonas goes to shower the pond scum off, he’s met with the fish at his feet in the bathtub.

It’s time for Jonas to find a hobby—and it’s not model airplanes.

Time has passed, and Anita talks with Roy about her husband’s newfound hobby. Unaware of what he’s actually doing with his spare time, she says Jonas has been very happy the past few weeks. But then she asks if Roy’s seen the other Jonas. You know, the canine Jonas.

Later while looking for Skippy (another pet), Anita finds doggy Jonas! But it’s not all good news. His eyes aren’t quite right—and then they light up! Jonas has been stuffed! It turns out husband Jonas’s new hobby is taxidermy!

Anita confronts Jonas, and he tells her he’s doing this for her—a common interest in the golden years. Of course, the man’s just bitter and he’s killed all of her animals! Well, almost all of them.

Anita panics and begins looking for Mew Mew. She scours the house before heading down to the basement. And it’s a sad, sad sight. So many stuffed animals—dogs, birds, snakes, squirrels. All of her friends, all dead.

At this moment, Jonas reveals an alive (Yes!) Mew Mew. He says it’s the final piece for his collection, but Anita goes into full Mama Bear mode. She snatches Jonas’s golden retirement hammer.

Later, Anita is all smiles making lunch for Jonas—a tuna fish sandwich. Roy walks in and Anita expresses how the couple is so much happier since Jonas finally slowed down. She moves out of the frame to reveal a crudely stuffed Jonas, complete with bulging eyes and black, threaded stitches.

Crypt Keeper Final Thought: “I guess Jonas learned that a hobby can be very self-fulfilling, as long as you’re not too stuffy about it!”

Fun Fact: In addition to Pet Sematary (and its sequel), Mary Lambert directed several music videos, including Madonna’s “Like a Prayer,” “Material Girl,” and “La Isla Bonita.” She also directed the Tiffany/Debbie Gibson creature feature, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid!

Notable Quote: “I’m not an animal, I’m a human being!” –Jonas

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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Article Content --> <div id="article-body" class="article content body clearfix" data-tracking-zone="body"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <span aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></span> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Syndication Attribution --> <!-- Generic Page Content --> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile " data-tracking-zone="bottom-recirc" > <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component" data-tracking-zone=outbrain-bottom> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="people" > </div> </div> <div id="ad-728x90_FT_td_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper desktop-ad tablet-ad " data-dimensions="728x90" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div id="ad-300x250_FT_m_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper mobile-ad " data-dimensions="300x250" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxupdatecorrelator="true" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div class="component 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