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'Jane the Virgin': The top OMG moments of the 'Chapter Twenty-Eight' time warp

Season 2 | Episode 6 | “Chapter Twenty-Eight” | Aired Nov 16, 2015

Just in case you were getting antsy with all the drawn-out drama and angst on Jane The Virgin (JUST KIDDING—this show moves faster than my IQ drops from watching KUWTK), “Chapter Twenty-Eight” hurtled through not one, not two, but four months of turmoil, tension, and triumphs in the span of one hour. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted … and I kind of feel like I need a drink.

In keeping with the “faster than a speeding” theme, I think we’re going to have to just quickly bullet the best moments of the episode this week, so set your drink aside for a minute or two, folks. I’m going to need your full attention. Things might get a little confusing as we enter the Jane The Virgin time warp for “Chapter Twenty-Eight.” Buckle up. Hold on. Here we go.

Jane misses Michael
Sure, my Michael-loving heart is still bruised from last episode’s stupid shocking decision to shut Michael out despite her (very literal) glowing heart, but hearing Xo tell Jane that “It’s gonna take time to get over him” made the hematoma practically burst. Get over him? GET OVER HIM? I mean, I was sort of on board with the whole “putting Mateo first” thing, but no one said anything about getting over Michael, as in forever. BRB, I need to take a moment to myself. Picks up drink.

Jane starts graduate school.
Still fighting a Mommy War with herself, Jane jumps into her role as a full-time student, meets a cute professor (future love-interest alert?), and makes new friends (token gay friend—check!). The only problem—aside from the tremendous guilt she feels leaving Mateo behind, even if it is with an overly capable-in-the-area-of-baby-song-choreography Rafael? Jane experiences failure (in the form of a grade below a “B”) for the first time in her life. Wah wah wahhhh.

Michael is MIA
No, seriously. Michael is basically missing for four months. All we know is that he called Nadine for help finding Sin Rosetro and apparently the whole gun-in-his-face thing was her way of saying, “Sure, okay, I’ll help you.” So they take a road trip to Mexico, enjoy some chips, and that’s the last anyone sees or hears from him for four months. Listen, I forgave a few of the forgotten storylines in this time warp (Alba’s green card progress and Luisa’s absence to name two), but no Michael? At all? Unforgivable.

The $40 million kid
While trying to do some estate planning (a chore any parent knows is torture, no matter how much money you have), Jane discovers that Rafael is much, much hotter richer than she realized when she learns that Mateo’s trust will be over $40 million (I’ll take that torture, pleaseandthankyou). It takes four months of Jane and Rafael disagreeing about how Mateo’s fortunes will be released to him to finally decide that balancing the tyke(oon)’s wealth with charitable donations is the best solution. So Brad and Angelina of them, don’t you think?

Petra times two
Petra is pregnant with twin girls. Just think about that. Two more Petras in the world. Frightening … and so, so fabulous.

Magda blows up
Sort of. Magda gets out on parole (over the four months’ time), and she and Petra devise a scheme to ditch Milos and sell the grenades. Coincidentally, the man they’d held hostage last season is sent to keep watch over them. When Petra and Magda set sail from Miami to sink the grenades, Magda inadvertently keeps hold of a live one and blows a hand and an eye off. Later, she kills the season 1 hostage when he discloses that Milos knows they set him up. Confused? Me too. Let’s just pick up our drinks and laugh and laugh at Magda’s hook, shall we?

Rafael gets game
Rafael becomes quite the hit in Mateo’s mommy-and-me class over the months we time-travel, and one of the single mommies sees what she wants and goes for it (#shesnotstupid). After Rafael makes a move on Jane and gets shut out (Jane tells Rafael she’s not over Michael yet—YES!), the two settle into a comfortable friendship over the months that pass, allowing Rafael to get busy with Miss Independent. WHERE ARE YOU, MICHAEL?

Mateo’s Milestones
Four months is a gigantic leap when you’re a one-month-old, and baby Mateo certainly makes the jump, and I’m not just talking about transitioning from an adorable newborn to an obviously larger—and equally adorable—infant. In the four-month time jump, we see Mateo wean off Jane’s exploding and mastitis-plagued boobs (been there, done that, and man, do I feel for ya, sister) as well as get fitted for a helmet (for a condition I’ll just call “flat head” because I cannot pronounce—or spell—the precise medical term). Bottom line? He adjusts, and he’s fine. Just like we knew he would be.

Don Juan Draper
Rogelio, fresh off his final performance on The Passions of Santos, creates his own telenovela—a rendition of Mad Men, but totally not Mad Men. Surprisingly, it’s a hit (over the four-month time jump) but unfortunately, the writer for Mad Men isn’t a fan and calls for a cease and desist.

Another kind of triangle?
After four months of establishing a new kind of relationship, Rafael and Jane spend a lovely Thanksgiving together with Jane’s family, and Rafael once again makes his move. Telling Jane he’d rather be with her when she’s at her worst (which, I’ll admit, made even my Michael-centric heart melt … just a little), Jane agrees to go on a date with him. Could the new love triangle on this show be anchored by Jane, Rafael, and Mateo? Spoiler alert: Never gonna happen. Not this early in the game, at least. #TeamMichaelForever

Backstabber
Poor Jane. Her new bestie Wesley is scheming with Scott to write a tell-all about Rafael’s family. Of course he is. I knew the new BFF was too good to be true. Maybe the newfound understanding and tolerance between Rafael’s two baby mamas means Petra will step into that role? Nah, while entertaining and even a little sweet, that’s a pairing that’s never gonna happen, no matter how much bonding over breast-feeding issues takes place.

The soundbites were plentiful this episode, especially from our beloved narrator. Here are just a few:

Narrator: Road trip! Hmm, I was pretty sure she was gonna kill him.

Rogelio: Grips, thank you for everything you’ve … gripped. Gaffers, thank you for all your gaffes. Best boy, well, you are the best, obviously.

Narrator: What could be more important than his child’s doctor appointment? Ah! His other child’s doctor’s appointment.

Narrator: For those of you keeping track at home, that’s three children for Rafael, and zero sex. #RafaelTheVirgin

Milos: Sorry to be leaving you, my pregnant princess, but it’s best that I find the buyer from Prague so I don’t kill your mother. She’s driving me insane.

(Family saying what they’re thankful for) Rogelio: Health and hair. Always, health and hair.

Will this be the start of something beautiful for Jane and Rafael? Will Petra and Magda become the next Bonnie and Clyde? And most importantly, will Michael tell us what he’s been up to for four months? I can’t wait for next week … mostly because the episode takes place in nirvana Target.

Jane the Virgin airs Mondays at 9/8C on The CW.

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TV Families

TV Families — We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ”The Brady Bunch” to ”The Flintstones”

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92']; }; // Remember, this is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['header-cm-ad_223x92']['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92']; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds']['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92']; // POS Groups information. </script> </div> <!-- /.header-cm-ad_223x92 --> </span> </div> </header><!-- #masthead --> <div id="people-time-health-banner"><div id="ad-time-health"></div></div> <div id="site__content" class="site__content"> <main role="main"> <article id="post-588800" class="article-single post-588800 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-article category-music creative-work-11730"> <header class="article-header"> <h2 class="article-header__subchannel channel__color--color"><a class="channel__color--color" href="/article/">Article</a></h2><h1 class="article-header__title">000</h1><p class="article-header__byline"><a href="http://ew.com/author/elisabeth-vincentelli/" aria-label="Posts by Elisabeth Vincentelli" class="author url fn" rel="author">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a></p><p class="article-header__timestamp">Posted on <time datetime="2000-04-14T04:00:00+00:00">April 14, 2000 at 4:00am EDT</time></p> <div class="article-header__share"> <div class="sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled"><div class="robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon-text sd-sharing"><div class="sd-content"><ul><li class="share-facebook"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-facebook-588800" class="share-facebook sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=facebook" target="_blank" title="Share"><span>Share</span></a></li><li class="share-twitter"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-twitter-588800" class="share-twitter sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=twitter" target="_blank" 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[]; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds'] = window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds'] || {}; window.time_dfp.push( function() { time_dfp.defineSlot(window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250'])}); if ( 'undefined' === typeof window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250'] || 'undefined' === typeof window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['default'] ) { window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250'] = {}; // Remember, this is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['default'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; }; // Remember, this is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['peopleAdhp_300x250'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds']['peopleAdhp_300x250'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; // POS Groups information. </script> </div> </div> <div class="article-single__content"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type:</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status:</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <div class="article-body__show-full"> <button id="button--show-full" class="channel__color--background-color" type="button">Show Full Article</button> </div> </div> <!-- template: article-footer --> <footer class="article-footer"> <div class="articles-recirculation articles-recirculation--footer articles-recirculation--see-also channel__color--border-color"> <!-- template: article-footer-section-title --> <h2 class="article-footer__section-title channel__color--border-color article-footer__section-title--third-party"> <div class="article-footer__section-title-inner-wrap"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-span"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-more article-footer__section-title-more--" data-mobile-title=""> sponsored stories </span> </span> </div> </h2> <div class="ob-widget-wrapper " 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