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Hallmark for the Holidays: 'Christmas Incorporated'

Another weekend, another batch of Hallmark original Christmas movies. (You can check out the full schedule here.) The movie we’re recapping this week revolves around the lingering threat of unemployment at the holidays—but it’s cheerier than it sounds!

Christmas Incorporated
Starring Shenae Grimes-Beech, Steve Lund

CHRISTMAS CHEAT SHEET

Riley Vance (Shenae Grimes-Beech, 90210) is the realest Hallmark heroine I’ve ever seen, because she is just trying to make it in NYC with $89 in her bank account.

She goes to interview as William Young’s (Steve Lund, Bitten) assistant—the head of Young Incorporated—but every potential hire is in and out in five minutes. Finally they call for “Riley V.,” and the first thing senior advisor Amanda Sage asks Riley is why she fixed the tree topper in the waiting room.

Riley is just killing the interview game, and she spins that crooked star into a lesson about staying organized and attention to detail. Amanda is impressed, and says if William agrees, Riley has the job.

Unfortunately, Riley notices that the resume on Amanda’s desk is for a different Riley V. She’s been hired based on someone else’s resume. But before she can correct Amanda, they head into a board meeting to meet the boss.

William is trying to convince the board to delay closing one of their factories; he’s been getting a lot of flack since taking over the family business, and putting people out of work right before Christmas is not really the message he wants to send.

So Riley jumps in with a solution: Go to Dover and check out the factory first-hand. At first, William is all like, “Who are you?” But Amanda explains, and William hires Riley on the spot. Her first job is to fly to Dover and prepare for William’s arrival.

Amanda says she’ll get Riley’s paperwork sorted through HR while she’s away, and Riley neglects to correct her name. This is definitely going to come back to bite her, but Riley wants to save the factory first.

Shenae Grimes-Beech stars in

When she arrives in Dover, Piper—her driver and tour guide—tells Riley how the town thrives on the toy factory and Christmas spirit. (Classic Hallmark town.)

The town pulls out all the stops for William’s arrival. Mayor Keegan literally kicks an old couple out of their home so William doesn’t have to stay at the hotel. And he arranges for a red carpet and a band outside to greet William when he arrives.

Unfortunately, William is delayed when he’s pulled over and can’t find his wallet. Instead of a welcoming committee, William gets bailed out of jail. When he finally gets to the house, he demands Riley take all of the Christmas decorations down. He doesn’t celebrate Christmas.

William’s problems continue the next day, when the local troublemaking reporter, Rebecca, puts his arrest on the front page of the paper. Then it gets picked up by the New York tabloids.

But William has a job to do, so he and Riley head to the factory to meet the workers. The woman in charge explains that costs are up and sales are down. They haven’t been able to break in to any online markets, and they just don’t have the resources to create a new line of toys.

So Riley suggests rebranding an old toy as the Christmas Wish Bear. They can market to kids and adults and get the whole town involved in spreading the word. They’d need a Christmas miracle to keep the factory open, but Riley is willing to try.

William is less confident in Riley’s plan, and things are only made harder by Rebecca, who is just a fountain of witty headlines and creepy stalker photos of William around town. Luckily, Riley is full of ideas. She suggests that William get out there and prove he’s invested in Dover.

Shenae Grimes-Beech and Steve Lund star in

William doesn’t quite get the point of “getting out there,” and instead, he rents out the ice rink and gives Riley private skating lessons. The stalkery reporter uses this for yet another Will-bashing headline, so Riley finally confronts her. She offers Rebecca an all-access pass to William in exchange for some good press. But Rebecca is very anti–entitled rich boy, and William is her ticket out of Dover.

Promotion for the Christmas Wish Bears is probably happening somewhere, but William is spending most of his time flirting with Riley. He cooks an old family recipe for her, and opens up about his childhood and his grandma, the best person he ever knew. He also says Riley reminds him of his grandma, which is a weird compliment to give someone you have a crush on.

When Riley asks why William doesn’t celebrate Christmas, he says that his mom died when he was little, so Grandma always made Christmas special for him. When his grandma died, the magic of Christmas faded too.

But those good Christmas feelings are coming back. Riley signs William up to read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas at the elementary school, and he even agrees to put the Christmas decorations back up. As they decorate together, William says he normally goes on vacation by himself at Christmas. That’s the saddest, so Riley invites him to come home with her for a real family Christmas instead. (This is a totally normal thing to ask your boss of three days.)

But then they get a call that sales of the Christmas Wish Bear have stalled out. The factory manager invites Rebecca to help spread the word, not knowing that she’s the worst. Instead of promoting the bears, Rebecca spills Riley’s secret after seeing the Young Inc. hiring announcement.

William is furious. He told Riley things he’s never told anyone. How can he trust her? So Riley heads back home, and William gets a pep talk from the mayor. He tells William about meeting his wife, and says Will looks at Riley the same way. Amanda gives William a similar pep talk. They’re both right, so William shows up at Riley’s parents’ house and asks her to come back to Dover. They have to finish what they started.

But the factory is already saved because William bought up the remaining inventory. They can formulate a long-term solution after the holidays, but for now, they just have to deliver toys to the children’s hospital.

On their drive, William tells Riley she’s too smart and talented to be his assistant. He wants to set her up with her own consulting firm so she can help other small and struggling businesses stay open. (I smell Hallmark crossover opportunities!)

Their good deeds complete, Riley and William clear the air, and William thanks Riley for giving Christmas back to him. Cue the kiss before the credits.

QUINTESSENTIAL QUOTES

  • “I’d rather be facing a firing squad than this much Christmas cheer.” —William “Scrooge” Young
  • “Are you following me now?” —Rebecca, who is a literal stalker
  • “If I lived in any other town in the world, I’m unemployable. But in this town, I’m the mayor!” —Mayor Keegan, suggesting that perhaps Riley isn’t the only one who lied about their resume
  • “You can’t cut me off from Christmas ornaments.” —Riley

HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE CHECKLIST

How many of the “29 signs that you are watching a Hallmark Christmas movie” does this movie check off?

  • Musical performance
  • Travel trouble
  • Santa-like character
  • Christmas magic (figurative)
  • Rediscovering the joy of Christmas
  • “Christmas hasn’t been the same since ______ died”
  • Workaholic
  • Going home for Christmas
  • Small town
  • Local business that’s being shut down
  • Hidden identity
  • Huge misunderstanding
  • Falling in love in approximately three days
  • Decorating montage
  • Winter activities
  • TOTAL: 15 (updated!)

FINAL THOUGHTS

You have to respect Riley’s ambitions to create a must-have toy approximately one week before Christmas. And did it seem strange that everyone was so scandalized by what could easily have been categorized as an HR mistake? And, like, Riley killed that interview, so it wasn’t that much of a problem.

Finally, I’d like to thank that completely random car-breakdown scene for allowing me to cross one more thing off my checklist.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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class="author-text"> <a class="bold author-name" href="/author/elisabeth-vincentelli/">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a> <div class="timestamp published-date padding-12-left"> April 14, 2000 AT 04:00 AM EDT </div> </div> </div> <!-- Article Content --> <div id="article-body" class="article content body clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile " data-tracking-zone="bottom-recirc" > <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component" data-tracking-zone=outbrain-bottom> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <div id="ad-728x90_FT_td_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper desktop-ad tablet-ad " data-dimensions="728x90" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div id="ad-300x250_FT_m_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper mobile-ad " data-dimensions="300x250" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxupdatecorrelator="true" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" 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