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'General Hospital' fan recap: Halloween happenings

Season 53 | Episodes 147–151 | Aired Oct 26–30, 2015

The problem with Halloween is that eating a bite-size Snickers bar never really satisfies the craving for chocolate. And on the same note, the bite-size cliffhangers on General Hospital this week have definitely left us all hungry for more. For all the tedious pacing that has been brewing all year, it appears that multiple truths are really and truly going to be revealed.

Thanks to Dianne Miller, Spinelli is quickly able to avoid hacking charges for breaking into the hospital’s computer system. Luckily, since Jakeson has calmed down, Spinelli is able to ask him for the very basic favor of Jakeson obtaining his own medical records. Jakeson meets Elizabeth at the hospital for lunch, where the two make time to answer some basic viewer questions as they fill out their marriage license, such as how Michael procured a social security number for Jakeson. Elizabeth also gifts Jakeson with a placard for their home: “Mr. and Mrs. Jake Doe.” You’d think a guy who picked a first name would have at least created a new last name. Might we suggest Quartergan or Morgtermaine? It’s fascinating to watch Elizabeth delude herself into believing that marrying an already-married man will solve all of her self-created problems. Meanwhile, Jakeson takes a moment to have his medical records emailed to Spinelli.

Spinelli is hard at work on his program when Hurricane Maxie shows up to give him grief for not letting her know that he was in town. And just like when Maxie turned on the gas to cause Robin’s presumed death, this time she manages to knock Spinelli’s coffee all over his laptop. But all is not lost, as a hairdryer manages to dry the computer out enough to reboot. Naturally, just as the facial reconstruction program is coming to fruition, Spinelli gets a call from an injured Ellie and has to rush back home. Spinelli tries calling Sam and Jakeson, but they are out with Carly and Michael for a karaoke bachelor party. For some inexplicable reason, Spinelli heads to GH, finds Carly (presumably there to see Sonny), and leaves his computer with her to give to Sam. Just as Spinelli leaves town, but before Carly looks at the computer, Jake Doe’s face appears and morphs into the Jason Morgan we all remember. Will Carly look at the photo before the wedding?

Or will Elizabeth crack and break her silence? Running into Ric at GH didn’t seem to make her realize that her current actions are on the same level as his Hayden scheme. However, the letter from Gram, complete with a family heirloom, sure seems to rattle her confidence in her behavior. Then again, Elizabeth also asked Jakeson if she would adopt Cameron and little Jake (his own son!) after the wedding.

The other bite-size morsel came courtesy of the seemingly sparsely attended movie fundraiser/Halloween party at the Haunted Star. Dillon waffles about keeping his not-so-secret knowledge about Valerie and Dante’s tryst to himself. At the same time, Andy’s (the film student) footage of Dillon and Valerie discussing the situation is finally made known. Lulu and Dillon make peace, just in time for her to notice and inquire about the filmed conversation. Dillon shuts the video down and hides it away. Dante, having discussed his actions with his cheating-expert father, is ready to come clean to Lulu after the festivities.

Dillon spies Dante helping Valerie zip up her costume and discussing relationships, and clearly assumes the affair is ongoing. Dillon readies his “sizzle reel” of the movie for the party, and to Valerie’s immediate horror, the conversation between her and Dillon begin to play on the screen, as everyone (including Lulu) looks on. Yup, this is sure to put a crimp in Lulu’s plans to begin in vitro fertilization the next day.

Elsewhere in town, Ava begs Kiki to testify on her behalf in the upcoming Avery custody trial. It goes as well as one would expect when one’s mother has faked her own death and slept with her daughter’s boyfriend. Tracy, visiting Ava’s gallery, speaks the truth when she opines that Avery would’ve been best served if she’d stayed in Michael’s custody. Between an alleged mob boss shot by an unknown assailant, and Ava, with nobody in her corner, what will the judge decide is in the best interest of the child? Sonny begrudging the legal system that didn’t put Ava in prison for murdering Connie (but let him go free as a “hero”) is hypocrisy at its finest. And Paul’s surprise kiss to Ava begs the question of what legal chicanery he might put forth on her behalf.

Sabrina and Michael share her pregnancy news with Carly and Sonny, to very different parental reactions. Carly is adamant that they not rush off and marry just because of the baby, while Sonny immediately expects a new daughter-in-law. In a genuine laugh-out-loud moment, Carly points out that Sonny didn’t marry every woman he got pregnant. In case you were wondering, the list includes Olivia (didn’t marry), Lily (married), Carly (married), Alexis (didn’t marry), Sam (didn’t marry), Claudia (married), and Ava (didn’t marry). But it’s all a moot point, as Sabrina turns down Michael’s proposal, because she doesn’t think their relationship is ready for marriage. Of course, the fact that she confides in Felix that the baby could very well be Carlo’s probably had a hand in her decision as well. The reappearance of Monica, learning that Tracy knew about the pregnancy first, makes everything else involved worth it.

Finally, Anna makes it known to Paul that she doesn’t believe the body in the morgue belongs to Carlos. Anna keeps calling Sloane’s cell phone, leaving messages that she knows he is still in town (she pinged his phone) and that she doesn’t trust Sloane. She urges Sloane to meet her at the pier, but instead, Paul shows up.

Paul plays his hand, letting her know that he believes Sloane’s story of her killing Carlos and that he planted the wallet on the corpse. Anna doesn’t question how the wallet was on the corpse as it was pulled from the water, and Paul makes it known that he’s doing all of this to protect Anna. Anna is still processing all of this when she sees the presumed-dead Carlos walking in the shadows. She goes after him, but he is nowhere to be seen. Is Carlos alive, or is Anna imagining him?

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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