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'Couples Therapy' is now a three-ring Janice-circus

Season 6 | Episode 5 | “Joe and Kaylin Return” | Aired Oct 28, 2015

The Couples Therapy producer who came up with the idea to have the cast call each other out on their crap is my new favorite person. Janice Dickinson and her seizure-panic-attack-shenanigans win reality TV this week.

While the rest of the couples are waiting on Joe and Kaylin to come back, they have to find other ways to fill their gossip quota. For one, Janice plants the seed with Adrian that Joe was disrespectful about Carmen and was asking some pretty inappropriate questions about the sexual mechanics of their relationship. Without Joe there to dispel the rumors, Adrian starts a rage spiral that only builds throughout the episode.

Thankfully, he sets aside his anger long enough to participate in group, and the sole purpose of the session is to call other people out on their emotional crap. This was the juiciest bit of television I’ve watched all week.

It’s so rare to see characters on a reality show air their beefs so openly, so when they are tasked to write down the cast member who has the most work to do and then confront that cast member with an explanation, I just sit back, sip my tea, and sigh with happiness.

Carmen went first, and her pick for “needs most improvement” is Ang. Carmen was gentle and compassionate and didn’t really cause that much animosity from Ang and Neil. She did however, manage to squeeze some tears out of Ang, and it seems like Ang’s heart grew four sizes right there on the couch.

Janice, on the other hand, didn’t take Jaclyn’s criticism as gracefully and wound up a sniveling mess on the verge of a full-on breakdown. When Jaclyn begins to call Janice out on her insensitivity and her distracting ways, Janice surprises the group (or maybe they’re more annoyed than surprised) by playing the helpless victim this time. She pleads with Dr. Jenn and Rocky to, “Help me find my serenity. Help me.”

Dr. Jenn is no dummy, and doesn’t immediately back off, so Janice changes tactics. She storms out “for a cigarette” and proceeds to hyperventilate out on the patio, leaving everyone in the session shaking their heads.

Once she’s gone, Rocky has a chance to speak, but he’s too shell-shocked to move his lips. When he finally does muster the nerve, it’s just to confirm what everyone else is thinking: Janice didn’t hear anything they were saying. It’s a three-ring Janice-circus at this point.

Meanwhile, out on the patio, Janice barks at Dr. Mike about putting ice on her wrists, overpowering his soothing tone and calming techniques, but it takes Dr. Jenn’s intervention to finally bring her back from the brink. It’s apparent that Janice is the victim of her own inner-dialogue and self-talk, but it’s also pretty clear that she really likes to be the center of attention.

Even when Kaylin comes back, Janice inserts herself into almost every scene with her. Janice shares her story about her childhood abuse with Kaylin and nominates herself as Kaylin’s advocate, which Kaylin doesn’t seem so crazy about.

As the time gets closer for Joe to come back, Kaylin is talking a lot of smack about him. She doesn’t seem all that interested in reconciling, which seems sort of counterintuitive to the whole “couples therapy” theme.

Now that Joe is back, and Kaylin has decided she deserves better, what will their dynamic be like? Kaylin talks a big game when Joe’s not around, but how much of her story is for real? Joe seems incredulous when Janice questions him about the three incidents of domestic abuse, but Kaylin is convinced.

I hope that Kaylin can find a way to stand up to Joe, and that he can get the help he needs. But at this point, can we really know what they actually need help for?

Couples Therapy airs Wednesdays at 10/9C on VH1.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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