After a hiatus that everyone can agree was entirely too long, Adele has cackled her way back to the surface and quenched the tearjerking-song thirst in everyone’s life with the release of her newest single, “Hello.” In short, it’s a life-ruiner. She calls upon a previous lover in hopes of finally sorting out what happened and apologizing for maybe not being the best girlfriend in the world. The song alone is incredible but the music video, shot by Xavier Dolan and starring The Wire‘s Tristan Wilds, only makes it better. We are not worthy.
But we’re left with a number of questions afterward—some real nail-biters that should be addressed, discussed in an open forum, and eventually, answered:
1. Do Adele’s eyelashes actually have the power to start music just by moving?
There’s a good chunk of time that passes before the music actually starts. There are windows and rural shots out into a field. We even see a car that presumably has Adele in it—but the party doesn’t start until Adele opens her eyes. Some might even hypothesize that in the time that Adele has been away, her powers have strengthened so much that just the lifting of her eyelashes can start music.
2. What exactly does this do? Is this where Adele keeps her Pokemon cards?
As any bored child left in an office space between the years of 1984 and 1997 knows, this is actually used to store contacts—in this case, it presumably holds the contact information of all the second-rate suitors that have vaguely assisted Adele in collecting her seven million Grammys. In this case, it appears that while this relationship was important enough to sing about for four minutes, it’s not so important that she remembers his number.
3. What’s up with all the antiquated phones?
I’m not sure that anyone has a landline anymore, and more specifically, I wasn’t aware that you can just waltz into an abandoned house and pick up a phone with a landline that works. But it must be possible—it happens to Adele. The video is full of antiquated phones, and if we dare to get creative, it could be because this relationship shares some qualities with telephone equipment she’s using: It’s old, outdated, and kind of confusing.
4. Can the simple tone of Adele’s voice evoke a woodland tornado?
In the words of another English lady, “Anything can happen,” so it’s not an absurd notion that Adele’s voice singularly caused a woodland tornado. She has, in the past, set fire to the rain which seems scientifically impossible. The biggest supporting tidbit to this theory is that even in the windiest of moments, the weather seems to be doing wonderful favors for her hair. That is likely no mistake.
5. Speaking of antiquated phones, did they maybe break up because bro uses a flip phone?
Is he gorgeous? Yes, sure. But can you even imagine dating someone who owns a flip phone (that’s not a Razr)?
What other questions do you have? When was the last time you even saw a land line? And is this everything and more that you were hoping for from Adele?