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'The Strain' react: Eph is finally de-wigged in 'Quick and Painless'

Season 2 | Episode 5 | “Quick and Painless” | Aired Aug 9, 2015

Now that’s what we’re talking about. This week’s episode of FX’s The Strain was the best so far this season. With Ephraim Goodweather assuming a new identity to get out of town, and Kelly Goodweather unleashing her chirping babies into the world to scare the living daylights out of people, the episode was nonstop action. It also raised several questions that we need to discuss. Let’s talk about the best moments from “Quick and Painless,” and why Eph thought simply shaving his head was enough of a change to not be recognized.

Spider kids: When a group of cops show up to evacuate and clear out an apartment building, they run into something they’ve never encountered before … the Feelers. This was the creepiest moment so far this season, and a hell of a way to kick off the episode. The spider kids (as they were affectionately dubbed by the police) are faster than normal vampires, can hang upside down on the ceiling, can climb walls, and are absolutely terrifying to look at. Watching them zip around the building and then go cuddle with their mom, Kelly, was something straight out of a horror movie, and we loved it. This has to be one of the strongest and most exciting elements in season two. We just hope we don’t have to wait until the season finale to see them cross paths with Team Eph … and perhaps induct Zach Goodweather into their gang.

Oh dear god, please yes GIF

The best creature hunter in New York: Nora tells Justine Feraldo (who’s posted up at a police station) that she’ll help her with her vamp-hunting project if she frees Vasiliy Fet. Done deal! It seems like the cops don’t really give two licks about holding Fet in jail anyway. In fact, Dutch boasts to them that Fet is “the best creature hunter in New York,” so they bring Dutch and Fet along on another mission. Fet and Dutch play a little game of “my hunting gear is cooler than yours” with the officer they’re with at an apartment building. Listen, the cops may have some nifty gear, but seeing how some of them are still under the impression that you can only get infected by getting nicked in the neck (really?), we’re guessing Fet and Dutch could out-hunt them any day.

They head into an apartment to clear it, and find the shower running. They know something isn’t right, and Fet (being the genius/badass/expert he is) can hear something in the bathroom wall. He starts stabbing holes in the wall to try to kill it, then proceeds to put his face up to a hole instead of shining a light in there first … because dramatic effect, y’all. A strigoi proboscis comes flying out—but, of course, they kill it. We also get a pretty kickass scene of Fet and Dutch dropping a silver grenade down an elevator shaft and sizzling a group of strigoi. Win!

What exactly was the purpose of this little outing with the police? To show viewers that Dutch and Fet are going to be joining up with Team Justine to clean up the city? They could certainly use Dutch and Fet’s knowledge, since they don’t even know about silver. Maybe the scene was just to illustrate and reiterate how much of a total badass Fet is in all aspects of his life, which we’re fine with.

Eph undercover: Eph decides to make a move by traveling to Washington, D.C., with his virus. Since Eph is technically an escaped convict, he needs to assume a new identity and change his appearance. He shaves his head bald, which was probably the show’s way of conveniently getting rid of the wig Corey Stoll was sporting that fans have been making fun of since day one. Twitter was set ablaze with celebratory tweets over the de-wigging of Stoll.

Side note: Why the hell does Eph think simply shaving his head is enough to not be recognized? There are about one million and twelve other things he could have done to alter his appearance if he was that worried about it. He could have glued a mustache on his face, shaved his eyebrows off, gotten a neck tattoo, put his hair in microbraids, or called up Eichhorst to borrow some of his facial prosthetics. Anything! He went through all that trouble to get fake documentation, but we just think he could have put a little more effort into altering his appearance.


Apparently Eph should have taken our advice, because when he’s on the train to D.C., he spots his ex-boss, CDC’s Dr. Everett Barnes. May we remind you that Barnes is in Eldritch’s pocket and is anti-Eph? Eph can’t avoid running into him, and Barnes immediately recognizes him, because who wouldn’t? After a fist fight ensues between the two, Eph decides the best course of action is to throw Barnes off the train. We’re not judging. Desperate times, y’all!

Eldy’s got game: Eldritch Palmer takes the lovely Coco Marchand out to a fancy dinner, and his mere presence gets a standing ovation from all the restaurant patrons.


A friend of Eldy’s, Cardinal McNamara, approaches their tables and tells him, “A certain item you were looking for might be turning up soon.” He’s obviously referring to the Occido Lumen. Hopefully a race for the ancient text makes Abe’s storyline more interesting. On another note, we thought Eldy was the one putting all the moves on Coco, but she seems to be the one hitting on him. We don’t trust her … which is probably a good thing. She most likely has an ulterior motive—or she could just be after his money, because there are no sparks flying between these two.

Episode Assessment:

  • Are we the only ones who continue to be uninterested in Abraham Setrakian’s storyline this season? He’s one of the most compelling characters on the show, but his search for the Occido Lumen isn’t drawing us in. After five episodes of no real progress in his search, it feels sluggish and unimportant. We are, however, excited to see Fitzwilliam thrown back into the mix.
  • The episode ends with a small plane illegally landing in NYC. We then see a hooded strigoi (Vaun-style) hopping in a car. This must be the infamous Quinlan. The Strain fans, rejoice!
  • We’re thoroughly confused by the fact that people are still going out to nightclubs and fancy dinners like nothing is happening. The flow of information may be controlled by Eldritch, but nothing stops word of mouth. There’s no way in hell the people of NYC are not aware of the severity of this vampire outbreak. We find it hard to believe there’s no chaos, there’s no mass exodus from the city, and that the Feds have not yet caught wind of this and infiltrated. Someone please help us understand this.
  • Missing characters: Gus, Eichhorst, and the Master. We’re ready to see all the characters’ storylines come together so we don’t miss out on anyone each week … mainly Gus, because we love him.

Sound off with your thoughts on this week’s episode, and we’ll catch you next time! #FangsOut


TeamTSD (Liz and Lindi)

The Strain airs Sundays at 10/9C on FX.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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