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The 'UnReal' all-star of the week: Quinn

This week’s UnReal all-star—in true reality-show fashion—is the weirdest, craziest, most ridiculous person capturing our very short attention spans. Maybe she’s sweet or endearing and makes us fall in love with her, or maybe she reveals the depths of her depravity and proves herself worthy of ultimate guilty-pleasure status. Either way, the all-star is always the star of the show.

It seems unlikely that it would have taken me this long to name Quinn the all-star of the week, but her conniving and scheming really put her at the forefront of consideration in the latest episode. She’s definitely got a Plan B, and I don’t mean that pill she took on the plane.

“It’s too big to wear at work.”

The ring, that is. Now that Chet is getting the mousey PA, Madison, to service him, Quinn has taken that 10-carat sign of betrayal off and is out for blood. I hope that blowie was worth it, Chet.

“I want to cut out the middleman.”

While Chet thinks Quinn is at the lady doctor, pregnant from his super-sperm, she’s actually brokering a deal behind his back.

Remember that little drive that we thought had all sorts of incriminating evidence about Chett? It’s actually eight years’ worth of ideas that she’s about to take straight to the network.

Chett who?

“Your frontal lobe hasn’t even finished growing yet.”

It’s not enough for Quinn to edge out Chet professionally. She is hell-bent on total ruin, and this means a sexual harassment lawsuit from Madison.

Quinn insists to Madison that Chet forced himself on her, whether she knows it or not. Next step: hiring a lawyer.

Chet wouldn’t have seen it coming if it weren’t for that nosy show-shrink. She goes straight to tattle to Chet, tipping him off about Quinn’s plans.

“I don’t want to be with Chet. I want to be Chet.”

Quinn is getting her affairs in order, and is leaving Enchanted behind. She’s starting her own company and invites Rachel to be her partner.

Quinn is all smiles and wishful thinking—until Rachel breaks the news to her that she may be quitting the business to be with Jeremy.

Quinn gets ugly fast, attacking Rachel’s feminism, her dreams, and her “below-the-line, coupon-cutting boyfriend,” who could never offer her something “more interesting that a five-year deal with me.”

Quinn feels rejected when Rachel declares she doesn’t want to be here, but incredulous. She doesn’t believe Rachel wants a life in Jeremy’s log cabin, writing her novel. Do we?

“You need someone with a strong hand to point you in the right direction.”

Quinn always finds a way, and when Rachel turned down her offer, she had to find … well, a Plan B to get her on board.

By chance, Quinn stumbles onto the footage of Rachel and Adam’s steamy night, and uses it to blackmail the two into doing what she wants. Because of course she does.

If Rachel doesn’t agree to come work with Quinn at her new company, and if Adam doesn’t agree to an actual marriage, Quinn is going to leak the tapes, and Rachel’s fairy tale with Jeremy goes down in flames.

I’m secretly rooting for a Rachel-and-Quinn partnership. I like them together. What do you guys think?

UnReal airs Mondays at 10/9C on Lifetime.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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