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'The Fosters' fan recap: They say it's your birthday

Season 3 | Episode 6 | “It’s My Party” | Aired July 13, 2015

Is your greatest birthday wish a party that includes all of the following: dancing with your friends, cake, your ex-brother-lover fist-fighting your new brother-lover, rap songs for presents, more cake, a birthday kiss, a bouncy house, discovering your sister and your ex-boyfriend had sex, Rosie O’Donnell, and even more cake?! If so, The Fosters just hosted your dream evening.

Yes, it’s our dear Callie’s birthday. All she wants is a quiet night with her family and permission to use her savings to buy a new car. She’ll get neither.

When Lena and Stef put the kibosh on Callie purchasing the car of her teenage dreams (in all fairness, they’re just pushing it off because Robert Quinn is buying his daughter a car: BE STILL MY HEART), Mariana tries to alleviate some of her guilt over the Wyatt hookup by gifting her sister $600. Because it’s kind of weird for one teenager to give another teenager a cool six hundred for her birthday, Callie suggests the girls buy a car together. Sadly, Mariana’s negotiating prowess backfires, and the girls lose their first prospect.

They have little time to nurse their wounds, though, as they show up at home and walk right into Callie’s giant surprise party. Everyone is there: Rafael, Sophia, the Girls United crew, Rita, and … WYATT.

Mariana somehow tries to ignore the man and his mane, until she can resist no more. She confesses that she had a boyfriend when they had sex, and Wyatt (oh, Wyatt!) cheekily asks, “Had or have”? They smile at one another—this may be happening.

While out seeing (and buying!) another car, Mariana asks Callie for permission to date Wyatt. Callie says it’s totally fine, of course, but it’s not totally fine, OF COURSE. Callie admits her conflicted feelings to Lena, who alerts Mariana. Mariana pulls Wyatt aside and ends things before they even begin. But Wyatt isn’t having it. He reams Callie out for stringing him along when they were together and now interfering in his relationships. He’s tired of worrying about Callie’s feelings, and his hookup with Mariana is a non-issue. That’s right—Wyatt spills the beans.

Mariana tries to defend her actions by admitting she wanted to date Wyatt because she was embarrassed that she lost her virginity to someone she barely knew. Callie has no time for that. So what happens to the car?

The Callie/Wyatt/Mariana triangle of sex and discoveries isn’t the only drama going down at this party. Brandon is still extremely wary of AJ. He catches AJ on the phone with Ty, but AJ adamantly denies it. At the party, Sophia chats with B about the new foster sibling, and very quickly susses out Brandon’s true feelings about AJ. She thinks Brandon should do something about it.

Hey, B, remember last week, when you were whining about all the dramatic women in your life? WALK AWAY SLOWLY.

He doesn’t. Instead, he and Sophia devise a plan to steal AJ’s phone and find proof of AJ sneaking around behind Mike’s back. When AJ discovers B has his phone, he confronts him—in the middle of the party. The two go at it, and Mike and Stef have to physically pull them apart. Brandon rats on AJ, but when Mike hits the old redial button, he says it’s just a kid who saw AJ’s number on the water tower. He also yells at B to “stay the hell out of it.” Not Mike’s finest moment.

Stef reminds Mike that he’s now a parent to two kids, and he can’t help one at the other’s expense. Mike goes to B and apologizes; he is feeling extra-protective of AJ because of what went down last week. Poor Brandon is worried that AJ is the son Mike never had (you know: sports), but Mike wants to make it clear that he would never choose anyone over Brandon. Hug it out, boys!

AJ comes clean to Mike about being in touch with Ty, and Mike is quite lovely about the whole thing. AJ is surprised by his kindness. Something else he’s surprised by? Callie being completely into a big-time makeout session in the bouncy house. I guess she doesn’t care about the whole foster/sibling thing so much anymore. But something tells me Stef, who catches the kiss from inside the house, is going to care a whole lot.

Oh, and if you thought I wasn’t going to post this picture, regardless of relevance, do you even know me at all? MY GREATEST WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED:


In other family news:

  • THANKFULLY, a Callie party means Robert Quinn is back. It’s really a birthday gift to me, if we’re being honest. Since Robert told Sophia about his infidelity, she’s stopped talking to him. After Callie turns down a car from RQ because it wouldn’t be fair to her sibs (huh?), she tells her dad that the greatest gift he ever gave her was not giving up on her, no matter how hard she pushed him away. He and Sophia are going to be just fine. Awww.
  • I’m really over this Lena lying to Stef thing. Every word Lena says to her wife is tainted and it is not cool. How many couples therapy sessions will it take for this to blow up in Lena’s face?
  • The Girls United crew made a welcome appearance at the party! Rita (Rosie O’Donnell) always knows what to say, doesn’t she? Her “a lot of people love you, Callie” maybe, possibly, made this old gal tear up. Also: Rita in the bouncy house was magic.
  • Mike wearing a “Home is wherever mom is” apron. That is all.
  • Jude, open your own events company, bud; that was a GREAT party. On a related note: Does the Adams Foster backyard rival the Braverman backyard? Discuss.

The Fosters airs Mondays at 8/7C on ABC Family.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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