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'Odd Mom Out' recap: The safe word is 'Thermos'

Season 1 | Episode 7 | “Sip N’ See” | Aired July 12, 2015

Odd Mom Out welcomes baby Langley to the world with an Upper East Side sip n’ see that gives other mothers an opportunity to day-drink and talk about their hooker-esque bedroom exploits.

Jill gets saddled with hosting the sip n’ see for Brooke, after Candace hurts her back and (later) reveals the injury is a result of “making love with my lover. I have a lover.” In fact, we learn a lot about Candace’s (and all the other Momzillas’) sex life.

For one, the new hot trend is apparently anal sex, which Candace calls “French third base.” Jill, pouring drinks and acting like a darling hostess, is shocked at “the hooker stuff that then becomes wifely duties.” Her back door has always been firmly closed for business—until she succumbs to peer pressure and decides to try out love in the “chocolate starfish.” More on that later.

During the sip n’ see, Brooke is battling a comic case of postpartum depression, and swings wildly from loving and sisterly to dejected and weepy. In one breath, she calls Jill her “touchstone,” and in the next, she is hiding baby Langley under a giant hat because of “that face.”

Jill tries to get Brooke over her post partum depression on

Brooke thinks Langley is ugly—with the acne, the brown hair, and the probable bad teeth, she thinks the baby looks like “Bill Gates’ ninth-grade yearbook picture.” It’s a tough time for the VonWebers right now, and she needs Jill as her only “imperfect-looking” friend to help guide her through this troubling time.

Who knows what hardships that baby will face, what with a dog’s name and unfortunate looks? Brooke asks Jill to be the baby’s godmother (even though Jill believes in the wrong god), because Langley is going to need another weird-looking person to turn to when times get hard. Brooke wants Jill to remind little ugly Langley that it will get better.

While Jill and Brooke are bonding over butt sex and the futures of their children, Candace is wandering around the Upper East Side high on Vicodin and alcohol, and finally winds up overdosing on a park bench with her head in a bum’s lap.

Jill serves babytinis at the sip n

Even though Candace can’t get Vanessa’s name right (“Is it Veronica, or do you prefer Veronique?”), it’s apparent she’s not a threat to herself. Although she does think about her own death daily, it’s mostly to plan her funeral and make sure it’s better than all her friends’ and families.’

All the sisterly bonding with Brooke is getting to Jill, and it seems like she might actually care what Brooke thinks now. As she and Vanessa sit down to brunch, she can’t have a proper visit without a constant barrage of heart and soft-serve poop emojis. Vanessa gets jealous, and Jill just winds up disturbed, feeling like she’s sold her soul to “Lucifer in white leggings.”

Jill and Brooke are new best friends on

Now that Jill and Brooke are besties, Andy just needs to get settled at Hercules, working for Lex, and everything will be perfect. Except that working for Lex is more like like playing with Lex.

Andy, as part of his “executive welcome package,” gets 10 new suits, five pairs of shoes, and and a “back, sack, and crack” wax that makes it hard to unwrap Jill’s back-door present. Dressed in full pajamas, buttoned to his neck, Andy is forced to turn down sex with Jill, butt bow and all.

Andy finally comes clean with Jill about his lack of pubes, and they decide to go for “French third base after all.” The safe word is “Thermos.”

Odd Mom Out airs Mondays at 10/9C on Bravo.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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