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Throwback 'Seinfeld' fan recap: The apartment with a fireplace

Season 1 | Episode 3 | “The Robbery” | Aired June 6, 1990

Real estate is a big deal in New York City, and the search for a decent apartment is the main focus of episode three of Seinfeld‘s first season.

It all begins when Jerry is leaving town to do some shows and has Elaine apartment-sit for him. After showcasing his skills as “the master packer,” Jerry goes over some of the apartment’s ground rules. One: The hot water takes forever, like you can turn on the shower, go out shopping, and come back type of forever. Two: No soft cheeses of any kind can go in the refrigerator. Three: If Elaine has to engage in sexual relations, please do so in the bathtub.

Elaine is fine with all these “rules” because she needs time away from her waitress/actress (she does dinner theater) roommate. Elaine begs George—who at this point in the series is a real estate agent—to find her a new apartment. It is hard to find something in Elaine’s price range, but George has the perfect place for Jerry: a two-bedroom apartment just a short walk from the park. Elaine is all for Jerry moving because then she can take his current apartment for herself. Jerry, on the other hand, is more concerned with making it to the airport to catch his flight than talking about an apartment.

Jerry returns home from doing his four shows to find that his apartment has been broken into. Elaine explains that “someone” (aka Kramer) left the door open. Kramer tells Jerry that he came over to the apartment to borrow the spatula and was planning on returning it right away, but got caught up in the drama of a soap opera. Jerry does file a police report, but the likelihood that his stuff will be found is laughable.

This seems like the perfect time for Jerry to take a look at that two-bedroom apartment. This is great news for Elaine, because even though the apartment was just robbed, she would rather move into Jerry’s old place than live with her waitress/actress roommate. So George, Elaine, and Jerry head over to check out this new apartment. George and Elaine fall in love with the place. There is a fireplace, a garden perfect for BBQs, and a walk-in closest. Jerry seems almost unreadable, but after a beat, he decides he wants to take the apartment.

The following day, Elaine is at Jerry’s current apartment, measuring and such, when George stops by with the lease for Jerry to sign. When Jerry sees that it is a three-year lease, he makes a comment, and all of a sudden, George is trying to convince Jerry not to take the apartment. It is simple, George tells Jerry: “I want it [the apartment] if you don’t want it.” Well, now how could Jerry take the apartment if he knows that George wants the apartment?

So the two decide to flip a coin to see who will take it. Jerry wins the coin flip, but George argues that the table interfered with the flip. So then they play another game, where they draw either an odd or an even number (I have never seen this “game” before). Jerry wins again and gets the apartment.

Jerry meets George later in the week at the coffee shop, and George is still clearly upset over the apartment. The two agree that neither one of them will take the place, even if it is perfect. The coffee shop waitress overhears the conversation and asks about this apartment.

Flash-forward to a miserable Jerry, George, and Elaine attending the housewarming party of the waitress and her husband in the perfect apartment.


Elaine is still stuck with her waitress/actress roommate, and both Jerry and George missed out on living next to a good-looking masseuse.

Seinfeldthe entire seriesis now streaming on Hulu Plus.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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