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The 'UnReal' all-star of the week: Mary, off her meds

Season 1 | Episode 6 | “Fly” | Aired July 6, 2015

This week’s UnReal all-star—in true reality-show fashion—is the weirdest, craziest, most ridiculous person capturing our very short attention spans. Maybe she’s sweet or endearing and makes us fall in love with her, or maybe she reveals the depths of her depravity and proves herself worthy of ultimate guilty-pleasure status. Either way, the all-star is always the star of the show.

When this week’s episode, “Fly,” first started, we thought Mary’s biggest problem was being (as Quinn puts it) “a grade-A boner-killer.” Little did we know that she would, quite literally, take such a tragic downward spiral. She gets the all-star award for the spectacular way exited the show.

Shia has been replacing her meds with God knows what, so her plummet into mental illness was only a matter of time.

Mary greets her sister, Louise, with a smile that is pulled a little too tight, and a voice that is a little too loud and cheery, but she’s okay. Right? RIGHT?!?!

Scariest quote (as her eyes get wild): “Yeah. Look at me. Couldn’t be happier.”

Mary makes manic sexy. She’s revving it up pretty high in the double interview with Adam, and she’s practically purring. Keep it in your pants, Mary.

Once Adam pries his arm from her grip to “go get ready,” she’s all drool and libido, and is giving major bedroom eyes while talking about their upcoming helicopter date.

Scariest quote (as the anger in her tone rises): “They need to know he’s a good man. That was the problem with my ex-husband. He PRETENDED to be a good man. He pretended to be a loving man, but he was just a narcissistic nightmare.”

You have to admire her pluck. She’s downing pills with her mimosa, scoffing at her doctor’s orders to never mix the two. I guess she’s mostly in the clear since she’s taking fake pills, but it’s a little unnerving to hear her claim invincibility.

Scariest quote: “My doctor told me never to mix this [holds up pill] and this [holds up champagne], but I feel amazing. I could do anything.”

Mary isn’t going to let a damn bunny steal her thunder. Thankfully, it wasn’t necessary for her to harm any bunnies during his scene, but Mary has real bunny-boiler potential (as Chet points out).

She turns her temper on Anna when Anna threatens to get more attention, and hisses at her to remove herself from the date—but not quite as politely as that. When she turns to Adam, she’s all smiles, but it’s too late. The frayed edges are starting to show a little.

Scariest quote: “This is MY time. I have eyes. You hear me? So get lost. Get the hell out.”

Oy, with the ex-husband. When Kirk shows up, all bets (concerning Mary’s composure) are off. She actually handles herself pretty steadily during that whole confrontation. She’s a little shaken and teary, but it’s nothing like what’s to come.

She’s saving it for the interview. She rambles on about the weather in the UK and Lilly Bell with an English accent, and it’s obvious the tenuous grip she has on reality is loosening.

Scariest quote: “And Kirk. He’s really had his last laugh, that’s for sure. He thinks he can just waltz in here and tell me what to do. NO ONE can tell me what to do.”

You have to give it to her. The lady knows how to go out in style. Who else can say they took a header off the roof of a mansion wearing a full-on ball gown? Not many.

She also took the chance to tell off her skeevy ex-husband, and to tell her daughter how much she loves her. Mary knows about some closure.

Yes, it’s in terrible taste to make light of suicide, but I’m just the messenger. It looks like Mary’s death is going to stir up a ton of fresh new drama next week. And I can’t complain about that.

Any predictions?

UnReal airs Mondays at 10/9C on Lifetime.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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