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'Odd Mom Out' recap: Put down the bongos

Season 1 | Episode 5 | “Brooklandia” | Aired June 29, 2015

The organic, bluegrass banjo–playing, ironic-facial-hair grass is greener this week on Odd Mom Out when Jill schleps to Brooklyn. It seems like she’s found her Shangri-La of cool moms, frizzy hair, and artisanal mustards, but even “Brooklandia” has a seedy side.

When Jill and Vanessa step off the train in Brooklyn, Jill is typically grumpy about the long ride, checking to make sure that she didn’t, in fact, go through menopause on the long trip down. The ladies, with Jill’s daughter Hazel and her giant stuffed frog, start toward Krista’s housewarming party, and start to feel like maybe Brooklyn isn’t so bad.

As they stroll past Brooklyn’s version of the Champs-Elysées, they reminisce about the old days with Krista: SoHo house, a feather bikini, illicit drug use. Hazel interrupts the nostalgia with a legit question: “Mommy, what’s E?” And so the trip down memory lane is abruptly ended.

Jill, Vanessa, and Hazel roll into the party, and Jill immediately announces her real estate boner. The house is full of “regular” people, without a pair of white cigarette pants in sight or a touch of silicone to be found. Jill is in a Brooklyn-induced state of euphoria.

Once they find Krista, pregnant like the rest of the Brooklyn breeders, they say their hellos. The chit-chat turns a little awkward once they learn that Krista met her boyfriend met at Narcotics Anonymous.

Jill’s attempt at small talk turns inappropriate when they learn that Krista’s rock bottom was Jill. Krista saw Jill one day, pregnant and pushing a stroller, after she’d just given a blowie to the busboy for a bump of cocaine. Just seeing Jill at that moment moved her to wipe the cocaine and jizz off her face and change her life. Good for you, Jill. Inspiring people and changing the world.

It

The party only gets better from there. While Jill is busy drinking the Brooklyn Kool-Aid, Vanessa meets a hottie named Elliott who lectures her about her phone use. Their banter leads to a first date in which they go the the whole meal without their phones. Kinky.

Vanessa and phone-cutie Elliot hit it off big, despite the challenges of having to date without your phone. They finally succumb to their collective TA (technology addiction) and decide, via text, to get naked.

Jill is still riding her Brooklyn high, and gets sucked in deeper and deeper. Suddenly, it seems completely normal for your child to major in rock bands, cultivate an organic rooftop garden, and attend a cheese-making program. She proclaims, “I think we belong in Brooklyn.”

Jill gets in so deep that she even rushes over to an open house down the street and puts a bid on a house. She goes full-on Little Mermaid on the rocks, singing and twirling around, delighting in her new home. She’s convinced that this is where they belong.

That is, until a Brooklyn mom pulls her boob out to feed her six-year-old son, and the other moms scold Jill for telling a child she’s pretty and smart, citing gender politics and a recent Atlantic Monthly article. Apparently that screws up kids. Also, you can’t teach them how to spell or tell them, “Good job.” This is disappointing—and wildly disturbing—to Jill.

Jill’s disillusionment turns to anger when,while sipping a smoothie out of a mason jar, she learns she is drinking a placenta smoothie. It’s all fun and games until you “drink the contents of someone’s uterus.” Her disillusionment sparks a full-on rant, lasting a good minute, concluding with an accusation about the Brooklynites being a “messianic cult” and a demand for Hazel “to put the bongos down” so they “can get the F outta here.”

Jill can

Odd Mom Out airs Mondays at 10/9C on Bravo.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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