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Time Suck: We recommend Karl Pilkington, 'Paint,' and more

Time Suck is a regular EW Community feature in which we tireless contributors scour the deep recesses of our pop-culture knowledge to bring you the very best in current entertainment. These recommendations can be consumed in one minute, one hour, one day, or one week. No matter how much or how little free time you have, we’ve got you covered!

So dig in, fellow pop-culture fans! Whether you’ve got all the time in the world or no time at all, there’s something here for you. This week, we recommend the musical melodies of Jon Cozart; an eclectic, geeked-out shopping site where you can spend not only your time but your money; the hilarious and droll Karl Pilkington; and a cool reading experience like no other.

*Warning: Time is a social construct, so not all of these offerings will fit exactly into their allotted categories. Just go with it.

One Minute: Jon Cozart’s YouTube channel

You don’t have to be a teenager to appreciate the creative brilliance of Jon Cozart and his one-minute (roughly) videos, even though it is only through my teenage daughter that I discovered Paint, his YouTube channel where he does everything from summarize Harry Potter in 99 seconds (in song!) to performing four-part harmony of original Disney songs (with himself singing all four parts—insanely impressive!).

With over 2 million subscribers since his first video upload in 2010, Paint showcases not only Cozart’s performing talents, but his seriously clever songwriting and producing skills. Finding (Cozart’s) closure on our favorite Disney movies with “After Ever After” (above) and “After Ever After 2,” as well as watching him fly through The Lord of the Rings (in addition to the aforementioned Harry Potter) in under two minutes, will have you standing up and cheering … and not caring that your coworkers are looking at you funny. Plus, memorizing the songs gives you serious cred with the teenagers in your life, not to mention a killer party trick.

After his mesmerizing talent has sucked way more than a minute out of your day, check out his more recent sister site (brother site?) called Paintchips, where he interacts with his fans, who suddenly include you. Michelle Newman


One Hour: Shut Up and Take My Money

star trek float

If the name of this shopping site (or at least the above photo of the Star Trek Captain’s chair pool float) doesn’t make you want to click, then you are a stronger person than I. Combining novel and eclectic treasures from other shopping sites such as Amazon and ThinkGeek, SUATMM (that’s not just me being lazy; they use the acronym too) is your one-stop shopping for all the movie buffs, TV lovers, and other fantastically geeky people in your life (because what other kind is there?).

Need a shower curtain with a sloth stripping on it? Who doesn’t? Father’s Day is coming up, so why not give dad his own bottle-cap launcher so he can drink beer and shoot at random objects (i.e., you) with the caps? Or maybe a Flux Capacitor car charger so he can pretend he’s Marty McFly the next time he’s staring at a stretch of open road! (And by “he” I mean “you,” obviously.)

It’s easy to spend an hour browsing the unique, fun, and wonderfully odd gifts and gadgets on SUATMM, especially in a pair of USB heated Narwhal slippers. —Michelle Newman


One Day: Karl Pilkington on YouTube

karl and warwick

Are you having an off day? Or maybe you’re just bored at work? If so, do yourself a favor and search Karl Pilkington on YouTube. I’m late to the game, I know, as Pilkington has been a part of Ricky Gervais’ comedic team for over 10 years, but the guy is my new favorite person. In every sense of the word, Pilkington is a character—except he’s not. While everything he says feels like a bit, it’s just Pilkington’s eccentric personality. He’s strange, funny, and perfectly monotone. So, if you enjoy weird, slightly awkward British humor (and Ricky Gervais—he’s a part of the package), watch some Pilkington videos.

I suggest you begin with “Meet Karl Pilkington—An Interview with Ricky Gervais”. It’s about 20 minutes of Gervais and Pilkington discussing such topics as race, the disabled, crime and punishment, and the elderly. During the latter, Pilkington makes the shocking revelation, “You never see an old man eating a Twix.” From there, feel free to watch any part of “Questions for Karl, Part 1” (it’s over three hours). It’s Gervais’ successful podcast turned animated show. And don’t miss the wonderfully awkward “When Karl Met Warwick” video, where Pilkington meets Warwick Davis (Willow) via Ricky Gervais. There’s also a follow-up video, “Karl Pilkington and Warwick Davis Go Shopping”—preparation for Davis’ and Pilkington’s travels on the show An Idiot Abroad (available on Netflix, if you have MORE time!). In short, Ricky Gervais just loves putting Karl Pilkington in uncomfortable situations—and we are thankful for the results. Go ahead; get lost in the weirdness. Joanna Skrabala


One Week: S.

Photo of the postcards and margin notes inside the novel "S."

S. is a book conceived by J.J. Abrams (yes, that J.J. Abrams) and written by Doug Dorst, and it is one of the coolest reading experiences I have ever had. The book itself is called Ship of Theseus, by mysterious (and fictional) author V.M. Straka. Inside Ship of Theseus (which resembles an old, beat-up library book) are numerous inserts, including postcards, letters, and articles, plus marginal notes by two readers, Jennifer and Eric. Ship of Thesus is okay—exactly the strange sort of thing you’d expect to enthrall academics—but once you’ve gotten through the fake story, you can dive into the real one, told through notes written between Jennifer and Eric as they pass the book back and forth.

In conversations told entirely in the margins (in different colored inks), Eric, a disgraced grad student, and Jennifer, an undergrad stressing about the future, talk about Straka’s works and themselves. S. has the added coolness of letting you choose what to read and when (although I recommend following these instructions). Plus, it’s just beautiful. Samantha Swank

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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