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Real or 'UnReal': How does Lifetime's new show measure up to reality?

Season 1 | Episode 1 | “Return” | Aired June 1, 2015

UnReal, a super-juicy new drama on Lifetime, is not a parody of The Bachelor—but it does seem very familiar. Whether you are a fan or a hater, there’s plenty to love, and recognize, in this new show.

UnReal is an intense story of a young producer who returns to work on a network reality dating show called Enchanted, after a short break. The character Rachel, played by a cute yet disheveled Shiri Appleby, is (allegedly) based on UnReal’s co-creator, Sarah Gertrude Shapiro, whose last gig was producing for the actual Bachelor on ABC. This is exciting news from those of us dying to know what goes on behind the scenes.

If you believe the rumors, UnReal gets the whole reality-show vibe mostly right. Even a real former contestant, Deanna Pappas, told People, “It’s totally realistic. It reminded me of the show in the way the carriage rolled up and the woman got out playing the violin. It’s totally something a contestant would do to get someone’s attention!”

Rachel makes sure the suitor does as he

Below are 10 quotes that come from either The Bachelor or UnReal. Can you guess which is which? The answers follow!

1. “That’s not a bush, that’s a freaking shrub!”

2. “Why doesn’t she shower? I don’t understand.”

3. “You can plow the f–k out of my field any day.”

4. “There’s nothing like the feeling of a powerful animal between your legs.”

5. “Burn in hell, you witch! All of you, just burn in hell!”

6. “I almost want to rip her head off and verbally assault her. Or shave her eyebrows in the middle of the night.”

7. “I’m gonna straddle him every day. ‘Cause that’s what life is about. Straddling people and things.”

8. “He looks young enough to be my stepson, so needless to say, I’m in love.”

9. “You don’t find me attractive? I’m too short? I have small boobs? What?!”

10. “I am COMPLETELY lovable.” *sob*

Seconds before Rachel has to break up the lovebirds on

Answers:

  1. UnReal: Brittany, on Faith’s waxing habits

  2. Real: Carly, on Britt’s questionable personal hygiene (Chris’ season, season 19)

  3. Real: Kaitlin, upon exiting the limo and first meeting Bachelor Chris (season 19)

  4. UnReal: Grace, discussing her love of horses with suitor Adam

  5. UnReal: Brittany, after a conversation with producer Rachel

  6. Real: Courtney, on her feelings for Emily, and her plans for a fellow contestant (Ben’s season, season 16)

  7. Real: Victoria, on her life’s purpose (Juan Pablo’s season, season 18)

  8. UnReal: Mary, the MILF, on her first impression of suitor Adam

  9. Real: Allie G., after being dismissed following a talk about the next phase in her life, the reproductive phase, with Bachelor Travis (season 8)

  10. UnReal: Brittany, defending her personality

Now, as the UnReal season unfurls, see if you can’t find anything comparable to these additional quotes, all from actual Bachelor contestants:

I need him to see me as a panda in a room full of brown bears.” —Sharleen, Juan Pablo’s season (season 8)

“I was happy to take my top off, as always.” —Lucy, Juan Pablo’s season (season 8)

“Nice to meet you. Wanna hug? Wanna make out?” —Charlie O’Connell, THE Bachelor (season 7)

“I would let him ravish me any time. I would want him to (bleep) and like (bleep) like (bleep) a couple of times and maybe (bleep) and then call it a day. Who wouldn’t want that. I’m trying to think of something G-rated.” —Hillary, Brad’s season (season 11)

“If that’s what he wants, I am not what he wants. How can he look at her and think she could be his wife?” —Ali Fedotowsky, Jake’s season (season 14)

“Maybe we can share a tampon sometime.” —Jenna, Ben’s season (season 16)

“She’s uglier in person. And her thighs are thicker than mine, which always makes me feel better.” —Erika, Ben’s season (season 16)

 

UnReal airs Mondays at 10/9C on Lifetime.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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