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'Finding Carter' recap: Lori is SUCH a manipulative creeper

Season 2 | Episode 9 | “I Knew You Were Trouble” | Aired May 26, 2015

Lori is just the absolute worst. In spite of the other huge things that happened this week on Finding Carter (and trust me, they are HUGE — but more on that later), Lori’s status as a creeptastic psychopath takes the cake in terms of memorable moments from the week. After weeks and weeks of using every trick in the book to get Carter to contact her, Lori takes her cries for help to a new level — attempted suicide. Carter receives word that Lori tried to take her own life and resolves to go to the hospital to talk to her doctor. Ever since Lori’s hospitalization Carter has been remembering moments from their life together and suspecting more and more that Lori was suffering from mental illness the entire time. Once at the hospital, the doctor talks Carter into seeing Lori, thinking that maybe it will help since she’s been so fixated on reaching out to Carter during her stay. I don’t have a medical degree, but I had a hard time following this logic, particularly given the circumstances, but hey, TV, right?

Carter feels terrible about ignoring Lori’s attempts to reach out (in addition to the phone calls, she’s been writing letters about twice a week since she was hospitalized) and responsible for the suicide attempt. She begs Lori to talk to her, tells her that she loves her and sobs as Lori not only refuses to say she loves Carter more, but insists that she needs to go. Lori’s new story is that the time away from Carter has allowed her to see things clearly and that she was wrong for taking Carter and they need to stop having contact. It’s the kind of reverse psychology manipulation that works on young children and confused former lovers and, apparently, Carter Wilson. Carter is wrecked by Lori’s insistence that they, for lack of a better term, break up.

Now, all of this would actually seem like growth. It would feel like Lori was learning to accept the truth of the situation and responsibility for her actions. It would seem that way, if it weren’t for the crazy, crazy flip that switches the moment Carter and the doctor are out of the room. Lori goes into FULL-ON PSYCHO mode, babbling to a nurse (I think? She seems like a nurse?) about how much Carter misses her now and how great it is that she still loves her and wants to be a family. She smiles like one of the Joker’s henchmen and makes Orange is the New Black-worthy crazy eyes.

It’s terrifying. Truly. I’m still shuddering just thinking about it.

Of course, the terror of Lori spreads far and wide, as it always does, like emotional shrapnel. On the car ride home from the hospital, Carter leans on Max (who gave her a ride and came around for emotional support) and things take a turn for the sexy and the terrible. Carter kisses Max. He kisses back. The sleep together in the back of the truck and both regret it immediately afterwards. Taylor was just starting to forgive Max and move on and Carter feels like she’s betrayed the closest family member (and one of the best friends) she’s ever known. It’s devastating, not just for Taylor, whom you can’t help but feel sorry for, but for Max and Carter, who are genuinely destroyed by guilt just moments after the indiscretion. My heart is breaking a little as I relive it, which is intense considering no one in this terrible triangle is real.

Max Carter kiss

And Max and Carter’s kiss wasn’t the only surprise romantic connection this week. Madison is still around and still dropping cryptic clues about a complicated relationship with Lori (she calls the hospital and speaks to the same sketchy maybe-nurse who witnessed Lori’s bonkers excitement about Carter being emotionally destroyed by her manipulative ruse and also admits, again, to having regular contact with Lori). In addition to being a very creepy and Lori-connected presence on the show, Madison bonds with Bird this week. The two hang out at the country club and are almost kicked out, thanks to Bird’s parents’ lapsed membership (they’re saved by Taylor and Carter’s grandma, who declares them her personal guests). They laugh. They bond. They flirt. And, since Madison is openly a lesbian, that comes with some serious connotations. Bird makes good on her flirtations though, rewarding Madison with a very more-than-friends kiss at the end of what they decide to label a great date.

Madison Bird kiss

In the Wilson household, the drama is pretty run-of-the-mill. Taylor feels neglected because everyone forgot about the ginormous community project she’s heading up this week. Elizabeth is emotionally withdrawn and stressed out about everything. Kyle is insecure about his relationship with Elizabeth and trying to move things along too fast to compensate. David is quietly wooing Elizabeth back with his sensitive I’m-the-father-of-your-children-and-we’ll-always-have-a-bond-like-no-other eyes. Grandma is butting into everything and Grant is being largely ignored. Yawn, Wilsons. Very yawn.

But with a new, unexpected romance for Bird, the worst rekindling of a fling ever for Carter and Max and Lori giving Hannibal Lecter a run for his money in the crazy department, the Wilsons are allowed to take a week off from edge-of-our-seat drama. This week gave Finding Carter fans a lot to process and a lot of questions to consider. What’s Lori’s next move? What’s up with the creepy maybe-nurse? Is she really a nurse or just someone Lori managed to plant on the inside to help her? What’s going on with Madison and Lori? How will Bird affect Madison’s plans? Will Carter and Max tell Taylor the truth? What specific kind of psychotic break will Taylor have when she learns about Carter and Max? Will her crazy eyes in that moment beat Lori’s crazy eyes this week? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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