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Sparks Notes: 'Nights in Rodanthe' proves Mother Nature hates love

“Sparks Notes” is one hot-blooded woman’s deep dive into the Nicholas Sparks film oeuvre. Each week, we’ll journey through another movie based on a Sparks novel. Why? Because I’m a lover of romance, the gratuitous use of extremely well-made male forearms, and honestly, I have the time. So, if you’re a Sparks fan, join me as we feel the love, mourn the dying, ogle all the beautiful people who moved to North Carolina, and cry … a lot. Sounds fun, right? Needless to say: SPOILERS ABOUND.

Nights in Rodanthe spends an hour and 37 minutes reminding us that we, as humans, cannot have nice things. You may think a person will suffer a great deal but then meet and fall in love with a handsome stranger, thus making up for the aforementioned suffering—but no, that handsome stranger will die. We get it, Nicholas Sparks, everyone dies, even (especially?) the good looking ones. That’s basically the entire plot of Nights in Rodanthe. Feel free to read on if you want, or don’t—it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. We all die and we can never have nice things. Love, amirite?

Nights in Rodanthe | Released Sept 26, 2008

Directed by George C. Wolfe | Written by Ann Peacock and John Romano, based on the novel by Nicholas Sparks

Starring Diane Lane, Richard Gere, Viola Davis, James Franco, Mae Whitman

nightsinrodantheocean

TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT-ISH: Adrienne Willis (Diane Lane) arrives in Rodanthe, North Carolina to take care of her friend Jean’s (Viola Davis) beachside inn while Jean is off in Miami selling art (but really just getting her groove back, poolside—GET YOURS, JEAN). This long weekend away couldn’t come at a better time for Adrienne. Her husband, Jack (Christopher Meloni), who moved out months ago, suddenly wants back in. He still loves Adrienne—uh, duh, Diane Lane is a queen—and thinks it would be good for the kids, teenage evil incarnate Amanda (Mae Whitman) and long-time asthma sufferer Danny (Charlie Tahan).

Dr. Paul Flanner (Richard Gere) arrives in Rodanthe dealing with a crisis as well. In fact, he’s feeling so terrible that when he turns up at the inn (he’s the only guest, of course!), he’s very distracted and a little rude to Diane Lane, who is basically like—um, dude, I’m Diane Lane.

It’s slowly revealed that Dr. Flanner is in Rodanthe because he lost a patient and her family is suing him. The husband, Mr. Torrelson (Scott Glenn), wrote him a letter, wanting to talk. Paul is hoping a quick conversation will clear things up; it does not.

Paul and Adrienne start sharing intimate details of their lives with one another almost immediately—maybe that’s just a thing innkeepers and their guests do, I don’t know, I’ve never stayed at an inn. Regardless, they connect. Adrienne fills Paul in on the Jack situation, Paul confides in Adrienne about why he’s there and the fact that his son Mark (James Franco!), also a doctor, is running a clinic in Ecuador and kind of hates him.

At this point, Diane Lane feels sorry for Richard Gere, so she shows him Jean’s secret art room and a box made of driftwood and tells stories from her past. Richard Gere says things like “what keeps you safe?” and everyone in the audience is booking tickets to North Carolina.

As Adrienne and Paul prep for an incoming hurricane, Mr. Torrelson shows up. Again, the conversation does not go well, but this time Adrienne overhears it and clues Paul in to why he’s being the worst. They have a heated argument that ends with both of them calling the other out for being afraid of things. I don’t totally see how this relates to Mr. Torrelson but again, inns.

The storm rolls in and Paul and Adrienne try to ignore one another, while obviously worried. An armoire almost falls on top of Adrienne, but Paul pulls her to safety. Feeling relieved, they hug. Then they hug with their mouths.

The next morning, Adrienne feels guilty for missing a call about Danny having an asthma attack (TYPICAL), and decides that this “thing” with Paul can’t happen; maybe he can do whatever he wants, but she has a family to consider. Paul takes the burn well, and tells Adrienne that her family is fortunate and “any man is a fool who doesn’t know how incredibly lucky he is” to have her. I swear to God, Diane Lane actually staggers a bit when he says this. She is moved; how could you not be?

So, she’s back in. Paul has a real conversation with Mr. Torrelson, Adrienne gives over to her feelings for Paul. Basically, they are becoming whole again thanks to one another. They go on a really cute crab-related date and then come home and get it on like Donkey Kong—I’ve never played Donkey Kong, but I’m assuming it’s very sensual and well-lit.

They are crazy in love, but Paul needs to go to Ecuador and make amends with his son. Adrienne understands. While Paul is gone, the two begin writing letters and fall deeper in love; even Viola Davis finds it extremely romantic.

After many months apart, Adrienne prepares for Paul’s return (mouth hugging, she thinks!), only Paul never shows. The next day, James Franco arrives at Adrienne’s door with terrible news: PAUL IS DEAD, PEOPLE. Dead. He died in a mudslide in Ecuador, trying to help Mark save supplies for the clinic. Brought together by a hurricane, torn apart by a mudslide: Mother Nature, you evil tease.

nightsinrodanthefranco

Adrienne finds Paul’s last unsent letter and enters a spectacular shame spiral. Amanda stops being a terrible teenager long enough to realize her mother needs help. Eventually, Adrienne starts to heal and tells Amanda the story of Paul. When Amanda sees a picture of the man her mother was in love with, she’s like, “yeah, I get it.”

AND WHAT DID WE LEARN ABOUT LOVE IN CLASS TODAY? DON’T DO IT, EVERYONE DIES.

BUT HOW DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL? It made me feel tingly, but then, like Adrienne, I entered my own shame spiral in which I wore sweat pants and stared out of windows, longingly. Oh wait, that’s just my typical Tuesday afternoon.

THE SPARKS RUNDOWN

  • Are the two main characters from different worlds? In a sense, yes. Adrienne is selfless to a fault, Paul is so selfish he drives James Franco away. Both find a happy medium, and thus become better people, through each other. Love, you guys, LOVE.
  • Are there parents who don’t approve? Everyone’s parents are dead because these people are OLD, remember?
  • Is there time spent palling around in some type of water-based location? There’s no tossing tiny women into the ocean here, but the entire thing does take place on the beach, so there’s plenty of time to take jaunty walks in the surf.
  • Does someone die? How could you even ask me that question? I’m still reeling!
  • Is there a wise older person? She’s not older, but Viola Davis’ Jean is dressed in wisdom from head to toe. She tells Adrienne to get a grip when Adrienne brings up reconciling with Jack and she’s completely sold on Paul once she hears he is a doctor and he’s handsome. JEAN KNOWS WHAT’S UP.
  • Do the men perform activities that require well-developed forearms? Dr. Flanner only breaks out his forearms to save lives: Adrienne’s from a falling armoire and Ecuadorian children’s from disease. Noble? Sure, but, quantity always beats quality in the forearm game. If you learn one thing from Sparks Notes, it should be that.

The Notebook is nigh, people! Wear your finest tool belt of romance and let us join Ryan Gosling in the building of houses and dreams.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it an <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile "> <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component"> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <interaction data-token="59d54344f64720010063394c" data-context="true" data-tags="" data-fallback="true"></interaction> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" data-endpoint="/element-api/content-proxy/documents"data-request-data="%7B%22count%22%3A6%2C%22crops%22%3A%22thumbnail%2Cmarquee_large_2x%2Capp_list_thumbnail_2x%22%2C%22page%22%3A2%2C%22types%22%3A%22article%2Cgallery%2Crecipe%22%7D"data-partial="tile"data-variation="bottom-recirc"data-flair-size="30"data-type="feed"data-title="You May 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