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'Bates Motel' finale fan recap: Mother, what have you done?

Season 3 | Episode 10 | “Unconscious” | Aired May 11, 2015

My heart goes out to those who had to pee, sneeze, or blink during tonight’s Bates Motel finale, because it was as action-packed as they come. Lots of loose ends to tie up!

First, Dylan showed up at the Bates house to find Caleb’s guitar waiting for him. Dylan expresses surprise that Caleb left without saying good-bye, and Norma, full of chestnuts, tells him that “people are generally disappointing.” Sage advice, as always, from Norma Bates, Mother of the Year™.

Meanwhile, Mr. Decody receives word from the hospital that they’ve located a pair of lungs for Emma (thanks to Dylan’s bribe), and they should get ready for a transplant.

Norma has finally—finally—decided to look into getting Norman psychiatric treatment, and visits a palace called the Pine View Institute. She’s impressed with everything but the cost, which starts at $20,000 a month. Too bad she had to go and ask Bob Paris for a pool, huh?

Bradley, in preparation for her second turn as a teenage runaway, ransacks her mother’s house, steals her jewelry, and trashes the place for good measure.

Mr. Decody goes to gather Emma for her transplant, and finds that she’s taken off. He calls Dylan to apprise him of the situation, so Dylan tracks her down and kisses her! Again with the finally.

Norman discovers Bradley in her motel room, organizing her booty. She tells him that he should be ready to leave that night, and he frets about being away from Norma, of course. He returns to the house and runs into Norma, and they both lie about where they’ve been. Norma then sits him down for a frank discussion of his mental illness, which goes great! Just kidding, he accuses her of giving up on him, and stomps off. This is Norman Bates we’re talking about, after all.

Romero comes to Norma to tell her that he’s not sorry that he turned the flash drive over to the DEA, but he is sorry that he couldn’t protect her. She laments the fate of her poor, broken son, whose only crime was protecting her from an abusive husband. What will happen if Bob Paris opens an investigation into this innocent little lamb? Nice play, Norma.

It works like a charm, too, because on the way to bust Paris alongside the DEA, Romero calls and gives him a heads-up to get the hell out of Dodge. When Bob goes to board his secret boat, he discovers that it’s not so secret, as Romero is waiting for him. They chat about reputations and dads and the weather and such, and then Romero shoots him dead! For the good of White Pine Bay, of course. Not because he brought up Romero’s daddy issues, and definitely not because he poses a threat to Norma, who is as dreamy as she is manipulative. Nope. No way.

Back at the Bates home, Norma discovers Norman packing a suitcase, and he tells her that he’s running away with Bradley. Norma asks who Bradley is, and Norman alludes to their imaginary conversation that never really happened at the end of last week’s episode. Norma reminds Norman that Bradley is “dead.” They tussle, and Norma falls down the stairs. That tough broad isn’t down for the count, though, and she brains Norman as he’s going for the door. She then drags him down to the basement, binds his wrists and ankles, and locks him in, or, as I call it, “puts him in a time-out.” She calls Dylan for help, and they go down to the basement to find that Norman has escaped. A+ knot-tying, Norma.

Bradley and Norman meet up to go on the Thelma and Louise–style road trip of a lifetime, but there’s just one hitch: Imaginary Flowered Dress Norma is in the backseat. Norman tells her to leave, but she insists on speaking with Bradley first. Bradley hears only half of this conversation, and is a bit perturbed. Norma(n) scolds Bradley for trying to lure Norman away with her feminine wiles, then drags her out of the car and bashes her head on a rock. Norman (just Norman) apologizes to Bradley for his (mother’s) behavior, and ditches her body and car in the bay. RIP once again, Bradley. You can’t be a murder victim if you’re already dead.

What are your predictions for next season? Will Emma get her new lungs? Will Norman go to the Pine View Institute? Will Romero get away with murder? Will Dylan finally stop slacking and get his pot farm going? Let’s hear it!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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