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'Modern Family' fan recap: Life's a competition

Season 6 | Episode 22 | “Patriot Games” | Aired May 6, 2015

This week on Modern Family, there are competitions all around—to be the best, the most politically active, and the most patriotic.

Cam, Mitch, and Lily are shopping for Lily’s school project. They run into Longinus, who is picking up supplies for a protest against a local restaurant. He tells Cam and Mitch that they haven’t been invited to the protest because Longinus doesn’t think that they are political enough. He tells them that if they are dedicated, they can show up to the protest that weekend.

Meanwhile, at the school, Alex and Sanjay are tied for valedictorian, and neither is happy with the idea of being a co-valedictorian. All the grades are submitted except for gym; they both skipped a mile-run race, and the principal determines that there will be a rematch to determine the valedictorian. Phil is happy that Alex is tied—until Sanjay’s parents offend the Dunphys and the family declares war.

At the Pritchett house, Gloria is studying to become an American citizen, but a visiting Javier tells her that she is abandoning her country, which is made worse when she cannot remember the Spanish word for cow.

At the protest, Mitch and Cam discover that Longinus and his fellow protestors neglected to show up outside the restaurant. They go inside to find out what is going on, and smell the delicious culinary aromas and decide to stay and eat. But when they leave, they see the protest: The restaurant donates to super PACS that do not support health care coverage for same-sex couples. As Mitch and Cam join in and pretend to have been there the whole time, a member of the waitstaff comes out to bring Mitch his phone and Cam his to-go order.

Alex is training, and Sanjay stops by and says that his GPA and admittance into Stanford are a result of Alex always pushing him to do better, and she admits the same. Then he tells Alex that he likes her. Claire finds the timing suspicious and thinks he is trying to psych Alex out. But during the race, Sanjay refuses to run because he wants to prove that he really likes Alex, and they are named co-valedictorians!

Gloria is worried about becoming a citizen, but Jay convinces her how much her citizenship would mean to him because both he and his father fought for the country. But Manny tells her that Jay hates how long the customs lines are when they come back from Cabo because she’s not an American. So Gloria dresses up in the skimpy American outfit that Jay bought her and yells at him, and he admits to Manny’s story. He later tells her that confessing to the story was easier than telling her the truth—he’s upset that she still has connections to Javier because she’s not a citizen. Gloria reminisces on sitting near a window and watching Miami Vice on her neighbors’ TV and dreaming of becoming an American. Manny convinces her to become a citizen out of sentimentality, but in reality, he’s worried about what would happen to them if Jay died. (Not to mention the steep taxes they would have to pay.)

Gloria takes her citizenship test and winds up with only two questions, and they’re far too easy (e.g., “What color the stars are on the American flag?”—when there’s a flag in the room). She requests a harder question to show off all of her hard work, but the woman says that she’s passed already. When she demands another, the woman asks her how many members of Congress there are. A stumped Gloria screams that she passed and runs out of the room.

Graduation and summer vacation are rapidly approaching on Modern Family, signaling that we’re nearing the end of the season (only two more episodes!). Do you think the show will be renewed for a seventh season? Sound off in the comments below!

Modern Family airs Wednesdays at 9/8C on ABC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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