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'Bates Motel' fan recap: The only thing that's real

Season 3 | Episode 8 | “The Pit” | Aired Apr 27, 2015

Tonight’s Bates Motel begins with a surprise pool delivery! It seems Bob Paris made good on his deal, and has sent a construction crew to dig a hole for the pool he promised Norma. Norman questions how Norma can afford it, and then chastises her for wearing a bathrobe in public. Classic Norman, always robe-shaming his mother.

Bob, meanwhile, is at the harbor, where his goons have James tied up. How much do you think goons get paid? Is it per hour, or are they on retainer? Anyway, Bob asks James for any and all information that Norma told him in his capacity as her therapist/one-night stand. James initially refuses, citing doctor-patient confidentiality, but a nail gun to the foot quickly solves that problem.

Up on the mountain, Chick is preparing Dylan for his gun run. He hides the guns under the bed of a pickup truck, and explains that Dylan’s cover story is that he’s delivering art to a gallery. Said art is a giant metal monstrosity that looks like a hornet made of chain-link fence, but whatever, I don’t get art. Caleb shows up and forbids Dylan from going, but Dylan’s all “Daaaad,” so Caleb tags along.

The next scene cuts between Norma leaving James a message asking what transpired between him and Norman, and James, beaten to a pulp, being dumped on his front lawn from a moving car. Norma complains that Norman has been acting strange and distant. James complains (in his head) that he can’t walk and has to drag himself through his own front door, leaving a trail of blood.

Norma goes to inspect her swimming hole, and notices that it’s rather deep. The foreman instructs her to take it up with Bob. Romero shows up with another surprise: He’s gotten Norma’s old car back! What a great day for Norma! She asks him why he did it, and he gets all cute with those eyelashes of his. She kisses him, but sadly, there’s no studio audience, so we’ll all have to yell “Ooooh!” alone in our living rooms.

Romero goes to see Bob about the suspiciously deep swimming pool. Bob tells him that he’s spoken to James about Norma, and learned a few things—notably, that she bought some sexy clothes (who cares?), once dated Romero’s deputy (he knows), and, oh yeah, Norman killed his dad and Norma covered it up. Bob thinks this will turn Romero to the dark side, but he declines.

Dylan and Caleb stop at a gas station, and Dylan calls Emma to flirt. She flirts back. He tells her that he’s leaving town for a couple days, but stops short of admitting that he’s running guns in order to bribe a doctor to give her new lungs, because that’s more of an in-person conversation, really. Emma promptly tracks down Norman, brings up his blackouts, and breaks up with him. Norman goes to his room to rock in the Psycho chair for eight hours. Understandable.

Romero comes to Norma’s house to ask her about Norman’s father. She sticks by her story and he says goodbye forever, although he’s the only one who buys that, am I right?

Norma goes to Norman’s room, and he tells her that James accused him of being attracted to her. Norma explains it away as perfectly normal, because women have breasts and teenagers have hormones, and everyone else in the world is silly except for them. Then, they cuddle and giggle while lying on Norman’s bed, and that’s it, I’m not making eye contact with my son for the next few days.

Emma shows up at the farm with a picnic basket containing a vase of flowers, complete with water, and I’m not even surprised, because this is the same girl that drove up that mountain with 99 pot plants in her car last month. Gunner answers the door, and she tells him that she’s leaving Dylan flowers, brownies, and a handwritten note because he’s been having a rough time lately. Gunner tries to get friendly with her, and she tells him she’s focusing on her health, and not interested in anything romantic right now. While carefully arranging the flowers, brownies, and handwritten note for Dylan. Smooth.

Dylan and Caleb arrive at the meeting spot, which is a pay phone. I’m still having a really hard time believing that this show is set in 2015. They receive a call from the buyer, asking where Chick is. They’re instructed to meet at a second location, where they’re ambushed by a bunch of guys with guns. Apparently, Chick’s made a habit of screwing over customers, and they planned to take the guns and kill Chick. Instead, they’ll kill Dylan. A shootout ensues, with Dylan and Caleb killing all but one of the customers (are they still considered customers?), and escaping, sans guns, money, or that hideous sculpture.

James is packing up his car when Norma arrives at his house. He tells her that some men beat him for information on her, he told them everything, he’s leaving forever, and she should never contact him again. Talk about a bad second date.

Norma goes home to visit Norman in the taxidermy dungeon, and admits that she told James that Norman killed his father. Norman takes that pretty much how you’d expect. She adds that a “bad man” now knows, and wants to hurt them. They have a scream fest, she tells him she’ll fix it, and leaves. Imaginary Norma in the blue-flowered dress shows up to tell Norman that she’ll protect him, and Norman briefly fondles her shoulder strap before yelling at her to go away (yes, ew, I had to watch it).

Norman runs out of the house, and Juno, the dog who shows up once per season, decides that’s a great time to run away. Norman gives chase, loses the dog, but finds … Bradley Martin? Whaaaat?

Bates Motel airs Mondays at 9/8C on A&E.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it an <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile "> <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component"> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <interaction data-token="59d54344f64720010063394c" data-context="true" data-tags="" data-fallback="true"></interaction> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" data-endpoint="/element-api/content-proxy/documents"data-request-data="%7B%22count%22%3A6%2C%22crops%22%3A%22thumbnail%2Cmarquee_large_2x%2Capp_list_thumbnail_2x%22%2C%22page%22%3A2%2C%22types%22%3A%22article%2Cgallery%2Crecipe%22%7D"data-partial="tile"data-variation="bottom-recirc"data-flair-size="30"data-type="feed"data-title="You May 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