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'Bitten' fan recap: Fair is foul, and foul is fair

Season 2 | Episode 2 | “Scare Tactics” | Aired Apr 17, 2015

Tonight, Bitten kicks off with a flashback. Twenty years ago, young Clayton Danvers sits outside his family trailer in East Baton Rouge, Louisiana while his mama hangs the laundry. Any minute now, his daddy is gonna come home from serving in Somalia, an event which Young Clay is not too excited about. Mama sends him off to play, but instead, Young Clay finds Big Bad Wolf Malcolm Danvers (James McGowan). Malcolm is hungry, and decides Young Clay is on the menu once he chases him down. But Young Clay hides in the brush and all Wolf Malcolm manages to do is bite his leg.

Young Clay hides from MalcolmPresent day Malcolm is imprisoned in Stonehaven’s cellar with Logan standing guard. Upstairs, Nick and Elena are making a snack for the pack that would normally feed a thousand. Wolves be hungry. Elena is fixated on killing Malcolm, who has yet to give up any info on Rachel’s whereabouts. She’s also dodging calls from Dead Boyfriend Phillip’s sister, Diane. Jeremy cautions that they need to keep Malcolm alive for now and reach some resolution before the Alpha Council returns. Elena throws out that Clay would already be torturing Jeremy’s father if he wasn’t still in Baton Rouge, but Nick knows Malcolm enjoys pain too much for that to work.

Speaking of Clay, or rather, Doctor Danvers—the hot History 101 professor all the coeds lust after (or at least they would were he not a werewolf enforcer)—he has located Doctor Shayhaus, an expert in pagan symbology at Tulane. The professor is immediately alarmed by the sigil and reluctantly asks what Clay knows about left-hand path, malevolent witches. Shayhaus points him toward a woman named Euroba for more information.

From his cage in Stonehaven’s cellar, Malcolm warns Jeremy something is coming for the wolves. Unconcerned, Jeremy points out no one knows that they exist. He’s more interested in the fact that Malcolm is negotiating, something he’s never done before, which means he’s afraid—”And I’m enjoying that,” Jeremy says. The scenes between these two crackle with more menace than a full-out battle.

Clay arrives at Euroba’s abandoned house and finds her dead in her backyard witch shed. He finds a hidden grimoire, which includes the blood sigil, underneath which is written: “The Destroyer Comes. Best put on the kettle.” Next, he returns to his family’s old trailer, now broken down and covered with graffiti. When discovered by an armed local, he learns that Malcolm killed his mother 20 years ago. When Clay’s father returned from Somalia to find wife dead and son missing, he killed himself.

Rodrigo, the Spanish Alpha, returns to Stonehaven at Jeremy’s invitation. When he learns that the pack captured Malcolm, Rodrigo offers to kill him and thus bind his and Jeremy’s pack in a united front against the Council. Instead, Jeremy rips Rodrigo’s throat out in front of Malcolm as an example of the repercussions of treachery. Show and tell. They’re interrupted by a sinister whispering in the wind, and then all the lights go out.

Jeremy kills RodrigoOutside, the sky darkens as white mist covers the grounds. Logan stays behind, in wolf form, to guard Malcolm. There’s more eerie whispering as Jeremy, Nick, and Elena split up to search the property. Nick runs right into a young witch who puts a spell on him that makes Nick believe he’s bleeding from the eyes. When Jeremy and Elena are distracted by Nick’s screams, an older woman enters Stonehaven, but when she tries for Malcolm, guard wolf Logan chases her out.

The spell on Nick breaks as soon as Elena gets him back in the house, and just as quickly, the lights come back on and the mist disappears. The next morning brings no answers, but Elena has to take a time-out from the witchy business to go into town and meet Phillip’s persistent sister. Nick: “If you see any strange women with white eyes, run ’em over.”

This close encounter of the witchy kind is enough to loosen Malcolm’s lips. He reveals that the Rochester house was attacked by humans who felt no pain and admits he doesn’t know whether Rachel’s still where he stashed her. A newly returned Clay spills the beans about the witches, and that it was Malcolm who killed Euroba while searching for the grimoire Clay found, a book that holds the key to the witches.

Elena goes into downtown Bear Valley to meet Phillip’s sister, Diane (Natalie Brown), whose cold shoulder is sprouting icicles. She blames Elena for getting Phillip involved with her “crime family” and thinks Clay killed Phillip. Elena pushes the party line that Phillip died in a car accident while racing to meet her so they could flee to Paris and escape the darkness in Elena’s family, and admits she’s ultimately to blame for Phillip’s death. Diane tells Elena never to contact her family again.

The boys are in the kitchen cookin’ up some witchcraft from the grimoire, figuring that if the witches hid them, then the spells must be real. Jeremy casts the spell. For a moment, nothing happens. Nick: “Maybe we should’ve used chamomile?” A wind blows out the candle and the guys hear the front door slam shut. Upstairs, they find both witches comfortably holding court behind Jeremy’s desk.

Clay moves to attack but is warned back by both the younger witch and Nick’s firsthand knowledge of what comes from messing with witches. The older witch has decided it’s time for a meet-and-greet with all cards on the table, but the younger witch can’t resist a little preening about how much more they know about the pack than the pack knows about them. She shows off some power, which makes Nick twitch. Jeremy sends Clay and Logan to guard the entrances while he and Nick parlay with the witches.Ruth and Paige hold court at Jeremy

They introduce themselves as Ruth (Tammy Isabel) and Paige (Tommie-Amber Pirie) Winterbourne, members of The Otherworld, like the werewolves. Also like the pack, their power is hereditary, though in their case, the witches only give birth to female children. Ruth assures Jeremy they have no interest in exposing or interfering with the werewolves. Jeremy points out that, even so, here they are, “in my home, calling us out into the woods.” Ruth warns that the culprit of the Rochester carnage knows all about all of them. “We’re being hunted.” Ruth and Paige want to trade Malcolm for Savannah, a young witch who’s been kidnapped. Jeremy denies the request, which goes over with Ruth about as well as expected: “You’re either on our side, or you’re in our way. Right now, you’re in our way.”

Still riled over her meeting with Diane, Elena sneaks into Stonehaven determined to end Malcolm once and for all, which works for him. “I made Clay; he made you. It’s only fitting that you’re the one.” At the last moment, Clay streaks in to slam the cage shut and holds Elena back while Logan locks it down.

Later, Clay comforts a calmer Elena, who finally admits she needs to deal with Phillip’s murder. Clay just wants her to find some peace, and they search for it together in his bed.

Jeremy sits in front of Malcolm’s cage and ruminates over all the maneuvering that’s brought them to this end. He knows now that Malcolm doesn’t have any idea where to find Rachel. Malcolm warns Jeremy the pack won’t survive what’s coming. Jeremy vows to protect the pack no matter what, and says, “you will not be around to see it.”

Logan is already drowning his despair in scotch when Jeremy breaks the news that Malcolm knows nothing about Rachel’s whereabouts. He gently warns Logan to brace for the worst and vows to help him through this ordeal. “You would’ve made a great dad.” Awww. Sniff.

The next morning, Elena wakes in Clay’s bed knowing something is very wrong. Sneaky Ruth left her ring in the bowl of nuts in Jeremy’s study and now every door and window in Stonehaven is open wide. Elena and the guys rush downstairs to the cellar to find the cage door also open and Malcolm gone.

Fin.

Notable Quotables:

Young Malcolm: Are you scared, boy? Good. Adrenaline makes the meat takes good.

Nick: I don’t believe in ghosts and neither do you, right?

Elena: There was a time if you told me werewolves existed, I would’ve laughed. I’m not laughing very much anymore.

Nick: That’s not reassuring.

Ruth: We don’t fly around on broomsticks or twitch our noses to cast spells. I run a successful cosmetics company.

Paige: Wholly organic, of course.

Malcolm: She’s better than all of you put together.

Elena: You want to see the wolf, huh? HERE I AM.

Jeremy: I spent most of my life afraid of you. Not anymore. Make peace with yourself, Dad. For this night will be your last.

Bitten airs Fridays at 8/7C on Syfy.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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