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'Bates Motel' fan recap: I want my mother

Season 3 | Episode 6 | “Norma Louise” | Aired Apr 13, 2015

Strap in, folks, because tonight’s Bates Motel is more action packed than a movie about skydiving cars that must not be named!

We open with Norman trashing the kitchen, screaming at Dylan. Seems he doesn’t take too kindly to his mother taking off. And by “doesn’t take too kindly,” I mean that Dylan is left with no choice but to knock him out. Dylan tries calling and texting Norma, and Norma responds to this by shooting her phone. Shooting her phone. With a gun. Remember the old days, when she would just kind of half-heartedly beat on inanimate objects?

Elsewhere in town, there are more bullets flying … into Sheriff Romero.

Norma arrives in Portland and has finally decided to shed her 1950s look. She buys an Oregon couture outfit (think early-’90s Law and Order: SVU hooker meets your favorite Kardashian), and trades in her classic Mercedes for a Mustang.

Emma shows up at the house and offers to stay the night to help Dylan take care of Norman. Dylan is concerned that Emma can’t breathe after dark outside her own home, but eventually gives in.

Romero wakes up in the hospital and verbally abuses a nurse until she produces his phone. He calls Norma to warn her that she may be in danger, but, you know, the shooting thing. It goes to voicemail.

Norma, meanwhile, checks into a seedy motel not unlike her own, in order to lie on the bed and have a frantic flashback to her childhood, hiding under the porch with Caleb, listening to their parents fight.

Dylan goes to the farm to tell Caleb that Norma will not speak to him, and he should leave. Caleb sheds a single, silent, rapist tear.

Norma has a classic Norma freakout and leaves the motel. She goes to a bar, where she meets a man named Taylor. She tells him that she’s just run out on her wedding (okay …) and that she was married once before, but she killed her husband. Smooth pickup line, Norma. They slow dance, go to his truck to make out, and then she freaks out yet again when he unbuckles his belt. I don’t know whose side I’m on anymore. Norma leaves, but unbeknownst to her, she’s being tailed by one of Bob Paris’s goons.

Norman has woken up and is down in his taxidermy dungeon, rocking out to classical music while cutting open a pigeon, as one does. The pigeon then comes to life, so Norman crushes it with his bare hands. Completely understandable. A dog who I do not remember at all shows up and starts barking. When did they get a dog? Does anyone remember this dog? Please comment. Norman then snuggles the dead-again bird. A while later, Dylan and Emma arrive and try to talk to Norman, but he’s too busy smirking and snuggling the bird. (You would think that’s our Psycho moment of the week, but in the immortal words of Barney Stinson, “Wait for it.”) Dylan and Emma walk him up the stairs, and decide that it’s best for his mental health to put him in Norma’s bed. These two are clearly ill-equipped to deal with Norman.

Marcus Young visits Romero at the hospital, and tells him that Bob Paris is going to have him killed, because he’s no good to him anymore. Young says he’s going to be sheriff, but if Romero will work for him, he can convince Paris not to kill him. Romero tells him he’ll think about it. Moments later, as Young is leaving the hospital, Romero follows him to his car, attacks him, and kills him with his own gun. Romero hops in the driver’s seat, still in his johnny gown, and takes off with the body. Good luck to you, sir!

Norma shows up at James’s house in the middle of the night for some impromptu therapy. She spills the beans on Norman, and I mean all of the beans. The blackouts, his father’s death, everything. As soon as she lets it slip, she realizes she’s make a mistake. She tries to leave, but James stops her. He puts her to bed, and then she puts him to bed, if you know what I mean. (Sex is what I mean).

Back at the house, Dylan awakens to a ruckus in the kitchen. And here is your Psycho moment of the week, ladies and gents! Norman is cooking breakfast in Norma’s robe. He calls Dylan “honey,” and asks him to wake his brother. We’re so close to peak Psycho, you guys! So close!

Up at the farm, Caleb is being sad down by the river when Chick shows up and asks him again about the driving job she offered last week. Caleb accepts.

Norma comes home to find her two grown sons sleeping in her bed (NBD) and tells them they’re going to see Caleb. They arrive at the farm, and the boys look on as Norma and Caleb cry and embrace. Norman looks jealous, and the rest of us look nauseous. Stay tuned for next week’s episode, where they probably all move in together to cook French toast and kill pigeons, like a normal, happy family!

Bates Motel airs Mondays at 9/8C on A&E.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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