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'General Hospital' fan recap: And the cradle will fall

Season 53 | Episodes 4-8 | Aired Apr 6-10, 2015

Kiki Jerome and Morgan Corinthos have never proven themselves to be the most rational characters on General Hospital. Remember when Morgan went to work for Julian Jerome because he wasn’t his daddy’s favorite? Or how indignant Kiki was that Michael dumped her for covering up Sonny’s involvement in A.J.’s death? Is there anybody watching right now who was actually rooting for them to succeed with their plan against Michael?

Somehow their imbecilic plan manages to work to near perfection. Michael and Kiki arrange to have a tabloid reporter on hand at the Metro Court. Morgan tips the reporter off to the missing shares of ELQ stock. Then Kiki and Morgan flaunt their “rekindled relationship” in Michael’s face. A tampered allergy pill and some scotch push Michael over the edge, and he’s an angry, incoherent mess. After lashing out at his brother and ex-girlfriend, Michael stumbles into the lobby in time to see a conveniently located Sonny near Avery.

Michael rants at Sonny to stay away from Avery and, in the melee, trips over the stroller, sending it and his sister crashing to the ground. The whole incident is caught on video; within a day, Michael becomes a viral sensation. Who knew that so many people (Ava, Michael, Sabrina, Carly, Sonny, Olivia, Morgan, Kiki, Nina, Franco, Julian, and Alexis) watched Access Port Charles, let alone watched it live? Morgan jumps at the opportunity to point out to his father how unstable Michael is, pushing him to call Child Protective Services, deeming Michael an unfit alcoholic. Carly, shockingly, stands as the voice of reason in defending her son. Sonny, believing that he is protecting Avery, says they can no longer enable Michael’s behavior. Was anybody else wondering exactly when they “enabled” Michael in the first place?

At the Quartermaine mansion, Michael and Sabrina wonder exactly how two drinks incapacitated him to such an extent. Sabrina discounts the allergy medicine, thinking Michael would’ve felt drowsy, not enraged. With her own past of switching medications, Sabrina still doesn’t question the authenticity of the pills. CPS arrives with Kiki and Morgan in tow, and revokes Michael’s custody. Kiki, as the previous legal guardian, is awarded temporary custody. Kiki and Morgan smugly taunt Michael. While Alexis goes to investigate at the Metro Court, she tells Michael to stay put at home. But a short time later, Sabrina finds the living room empty. Where did Michael go?

Ava once again begs Silas to kill her and end her suffering, but only after he goes to Port Charles to check on Avery. Sobbing that she can’t take the pain, Ava finally convinces Silas to hasten her inevitable death. Back at GH, Silas runs into Nina, who apologizes for her past behaviors. Kiki and Morgan arrive with CPS so that Avery can be examined post-fall. Kiki is furious to see Nina out and about, and Nina quietly provokes her further by badmouthing Ava. Kiki lashes out at Nina, calling her a crazy bitch, but is restrained. Too bad CPS didn’t witness the event and strip Kiki of her guardianship, eh?

Silas examines Avery and snaps a photo of her for Ava. Meanwhile, Nina eyes Avery’s now unattended exam room. As Kiki and Morgan cheer their victory over Michael, an unseen person enters Avery’s room. Is it Nina or Michael—or perhaps Ava isn’t as sick as she has claimed? Will the infant be kidnapped for the second time in her short life?

Jakeson continues to make himself useful at Xtreme Motors, first by driving Sam to her new home, then by overhearing Carlos and Julian plotting some official mob business, which he promptly reports to Sloane. Back at the hotel room, Hayden meets with Ric. With Jakeson not partaking in marital consummation, she makes a halfhearted pitch to Ric to take their business relationship to a more intimate level. Ric demurs, due to his sole focus being Elizabeth. Elizabeth, proving she is incapable of just being single, decides to give Ric another chance. Elizabeth’s caveats are that Ric pay her the respect and honesty she deserves, so the expiration clock is already ticking on the renewed pairing.

Having learned of Hayden’s existence, Nicolas makes a beeline for the Metro Court. Storming into her hotel room, Nicolas tells Hayden he knows she’s a fraud. And while she may have only entered into this arrangement with Ric via online dating, Hayden is clearly no dummy at the art of the con. She calls out Nicolas, saying that he could only be certain that she is a fraud if he knows Jakeson’s real identity. Not wanting to give that information up, the two dance around each other for a bit before … falling into bed together. Neither gives an inch on their individual secrets, but at least they got some action?

Spencer shows up at the Drake house with the ring he procured from his father’s safe. Emma wonders why he has Alan Quartermaine’s ring, but the question is overlooked when Spencer asks her to accept it as a promise to be his one true love. When Emma declines, Spencer freaks out and tosses the ring at her. It rolls under the living room couch. Depending on Sam and Patrick’s vacuuming skills, one can only wonder how long it will remain there.

Luke, restrained in a hospital bed, is back to his original personality. Filling in some large blanks in history, he admits that all of his disappearances over the years have coincided with his dark personality emerging. Feeling the evil, Luke would leave Port Charles, and during those times made the business relationships with Faison, Jerry Jax, and Julian Jerome … and somehow amassed the power we’ve seen him display for the past year. Luke is despondent over his actions, and when Valerie shows up at his room, scalpel in hand, he instructs her on how to kill him and make it look like a suicide. Devastated by the loss of her mother, Valerie comes close, but Dante and Lulu intervene.

Elsewhere, Julian and Olivia continue to have an insane amount of interaction. Ned learns of Franco’s blackmail and tries to shut it down. Franco agrees, provided Ned signs over all of his shares of ELQ to him. And Nina … we all love When Harry Met Sally! Maxie decides to give it another go with Spinelli just as Nathan puts on a shirt, arrives at her door, and asks for another chance.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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