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'New Girl' fan recap: Performance issues

Season 4 | Episode 20 | “Par 5” | Aired Apr 7, 2015

I think Lamorne Morris deserves a round of applause for writing an incredibly funny episode of New Girl. From the wacky antics at the golf tournament, to the realities of life as a cop, Morris proves that he is definitely more than a witty actor who can deliver a line. He is officially a double threat in the industry. Way to go Winston!

“Par 5” is all about performance. Councilwoman Fawn Mescado has inserted herself directly in the middle of Schmidt’s life, and therefore has an opinion on how everyone else in the loft should attack their future. It would seem that several are not living up to their potential. When Jess complains that the school board won’t buy new computers for the classroom, Fawn begrudgingly takes Jess under her wing. Not only will she show her the ropes of how to network at charity events, but she desperately needs a photo op with an educator. Two birds—one stone. FAWN MESCADO.

New GirlSchmidt jumps at the chance to please the councilwoman and offers to help her appear appealing on all the social media platforms. She insists that Schmidt make himself “less white” so it doesn’t look like he’s haunting her in pictures. The next day, Schmidt enlists Cece to help slather his entire body (including crevices) with bronzer. Cece is quick to take on the task. Moments later, Schmidt notices that his face is glistening from the glitter that was infused in the bronzer. All he needs now is a gold lame shirt and some techno music for bumping at the club.

Meanwhile, Fawn has arranged for Jess to join her at a charity golf event where she can network with important women in the community. After a rocky start, Fawn instructs Jess on how to get in good with the powerful women. We are treated to several quick takes of Jess following Fawn’s guidelines. She introduces herself with her job title as the second half of her name. She tells quick jokes. She removes her underwear to feel empowered.

Jess manages to connect with an important woman named Marty, who agrees to speak to Jess in the club house. Fawn laughs when Jess assumes this means Marty wants to contribute to her computer fund. It’s not about the computers. It’s about the networking.

Jess wanders through the bushes, looking for her golf ball. She’s irritated that Fawn duped her into coming to this event, knowing that she had no intention of helping her. She’s also afraid that her lack of underwear is attracting wildlife. This revelation is funny, yet gross.

Much later, Jess is still trying to get her ball into the hole. She attracts a crowd, which includes the media. Marty is so impressed with her dedication, that she vows (in front of the cameras) that she will get Jess the computers she needs—in 2018. Let’s hear it for small victories!

New GirlNot one to miss a media moment, Fawn saunters out onto the green to support this local educator. When she bends over to pick up Jess’ ball, the entire media line begins to snap pictures. Jess isn’t the only one going commando.

Back in the loft, Fawn lets Schmidt off the hook. Her “full moon” moment has tainted her reputation, and she understands if he wants to break up. Unlike Fawn, Schmidt smiles at her, explaining that he likes her just the way she is. Sorry Cece!

In other news, Coach and Nick shove Winston out of his comfort zone by making him talk to a beautiful woman at a coffee shop. After Winston pushes through the weird smile and lack of self-confidence, KC invites him to a rally to protest the police who have been involved with racial profiling. Winston suggests they meet for lunch, and then he awkwardly backs away from the table so she can’t see the huge “LAPD” on the back of his t-shirt.

Lunch proves to be equally tricky. When two cops call Winston by name, he convinces KC that he’s a male stripper and the cops are his co-workers. I laughed during his entire exchange about how there’s a surprising amount of day work in the stripping business, and at each gig, you just pray that no one orders soup. You know—because of potential dipping.

Winston hates that he lied about being a cop. Nick swoops in to offer some advice, but his impression of Eddie Murphy only makes Winston more uncomfortable. There are some things that Nick can’t understand because he’s white. Winston even admits that he was once nervous around cops. Nick attempts to prove that there are no boundaries between the two friends by making Winston do a Jerry Seinfeld impression. He nails it. Nick and I both laugh.

Winston decides to be honest. He visits KC at work, assuring her that he is proud of what he does for a living. He wants to be a cop because he likes it. He also knows that if there is ever a Ghostbusters team, they will more than likely recruit from law enforcement.

KC isn’t mad that he is a cop. She’s mad that he lied about it. As punishment, she turns on some music and demands that he strip in front of her entire office. Can I get some singles over here?

I’m glad New Girl decided to tackle such a sensitive subject. Kudos to Lamorne Morris for taking it on, but still maintaining the comedic integrity of the show. Well done.

New Girl Notables

Jess: You’d think that the school board would want to give kids computers, but no. They want to get re-elected so they can keep dressing like realtors from the 1980s.
Fawn: Solid municipal burn, Jessica.

Fawn: You don’t strike me as the network type. You’re more of a “follow a butterfly around for a day” kind of gal.

Schmidt: I need you to put bronzer all over my body. None of the guys are here and they also refuse to do it.

Fawn: Never wear underwear. Power emanates from the vagina. Don’t block it.

New Girl airs Tuesdays at 9/8C on Fox.

TV Families

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TV Families

TV Families — We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ”The Brady Bunch” to ”The Flintstones”

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['header-cm-ad']['peopleAdheadercmad'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad']; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds']['peopleAdheadercmad'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad']; // POS Groups information. </script> </div> <!-- /.header-cm-ad --> </div> </nav> <span class="site-header__nav--ad__cm"> <div class="ad ad-processed" id="peopleAdheadercmad_223x92"> <script style="display:none;visibility:hidden;"> window.peopleAdMappings = window.peopleAdMappings || {}; peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92'] = {"collapse":true,"id":"peopleAdheadercmad_223x92","oop":false,"companion":false,"size":[223,92],"pos_group_name":"header-cm-ad_223x92","sitename":"cm.enw","zone":"music","targeting":{"cmpos":["globalheader"],"cmtyp":["tout"],"pos":1,"pos_group_name":"header-cm-ad_223x92","adLoadMethod":"page"},"sizes":[[[1024,0],[[223,92]]]],"ad_name":"header-cm-ad_223x92"};; // Init defaults window.time_dfp = 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/.header-cm-ad_223x92 --> </span> </div> </header><!-- #masthead --> <div id="people-time-health-banner"><div id="ad-time-health"></div></div> <div id="site__content" class="site__content"> <main role="main"> <article id="post-588800" class="article-single post-588800 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-article category-music creative-work-11730"> <header class="article-header"> <h2 class="article-header__subchannel channel__color--color"><a class="channel__color--color" href="/article/">Article</a></h2><h1 class="article-header__title">000</h1><p class="article-header__byline"><a href="http://ew.com/author/elisabeth-vincentelli/" aria-label="Posts by Elisabeth Vincentelli" class="author url fn" rel="author">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a></p><p class="article-header__timestamp">Posted on <time datetime="2000-04-14T04:00:00+00:00">April 14, 2000 at 4:00am EDT</time></p> <div class="article-header__share"> <div class="sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled"><div class="robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon-text sd-sharing"><div class="sd-content"><ul><li class="share-facebook"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-facebook-588800" class="share-facebook sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=facebook" target="_blank" title="Share"><span>Share</span></a></li><li class="share-twitter"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-twitter-588800" class="share-twitter sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=twitter" target="_blank" title="Tweet"><span>Tweet</span></a></li><li class="share-email"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="" class="share-email sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=email" target="_blank" title="Email"><span>Email</span></a></li><li class="share-end"></li></ul></div></div></div> </div> </header> <div class="ad ad--headline-sibling"> <!-- Advertisement; 300x250 / 300x600 Flex Ad Unit --> <div class="ad ad-processed" id="peopleAdhp_300x250"> <script style="display:none;visibility:hidden;"> window.peopleAdMappings = window.peopleAdMappings || {}; peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250'] = {"collapse":true,"id":"peopleAdhp_300x250","oop":false,"companion":false,"size":[300,250],"pos_group_name":"hp_300x250","zone":"music","sizes":[[[1024,0],[[300,250],[300,600]]],[[601,0],[[300,250],[300,600]]],[[0,0],[[300,250]]]],"ad_name":"hp_300x250","targeting":{"pos":1,"pos_group_name":"hp_300x250","adLoadMethod":"page"}};; // Init defaults window.time_dfp = window.time_dfp || []; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds'] = window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds'] || {}; window.time_dfp.push( function() { time_dfp.defineSlot(window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250'])}); if ( 'undefined' === typeof window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250'] || 'undefined' === typeof window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['default'] ) { window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250'] = {}; // Remember, this is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['default'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; }; // Remember, this is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['peopleAdhp_300x250'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds']['peopleAdhp_300x250'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; // POS Groups information. </script> </div> </div> <div class="article-single__content"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type:</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status:</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <div class="article-body__show-full"> <button id="button--show-full" class="channel__color--background-color" type="button">Show Full Article</button> </div> </div> <!-- template: article-footer --> <footer class="article-footer"> <div class="articles-recirculation articles-recirculation--see-also channel__color--border-color"> <!-- template: article-footer-section-title --> <h2 class="article-footer__section-title channel__color--border-color article-footer__section-title--third-party"> <div class="article-footer__section-title-inner-wrap"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-span"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-more article-footer__section-title-more--" data-mobile-title=""> sponsored stories </span> </span> </div> </h2> <div class="ob-widget-wrapper " data-url-fragment="outbrain"> <div 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