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'Bates Motel' fan recap: MOTHER, all caps

Season 3 | Episode 5 | “The Deal” | Aired Apr 6, 2015

Tonight’s episode of Bates Motel opens with Dylan waking up in his truck at the Beer Country Barn, a place I would very much like to visit. Elsewhere in another vehicle, Norma is run off the road and threatened by one of Bob Paris’s goons. She’s told to contact Paris because she has something that belongs to him.

Norman wakes up to find Emma watching over him from a rocking chair. Is … is that the rocking chair? Ew, girl, get out of that chair! Emma tells Norman that Norma asked her to stay with him. He tells her that he’s learned Caleb is staying at Dylan’s farm. Emma defends Dylan for harboring Caleb, without admitting that she already knew. Dylan comes home, and Norman tells him that he told Norma about Caleb.

Dylan gets a call from the hospital informing him that Norma was in an accident. He arrives and immediately apologizes. She doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for; it seems that Norman had a blackout that morning, and he didn’t actually tell her about Caleb. She tells Dylan about her run-in and asks if he knows who Bob Paris is. He tries to convince her to turn the flash drive over to Romero for the 18th time, and for the 18th time, she refuses.

Romero arrives at the Arcanum Club to find Paris dining with Marcus Young. Young leaves, and Paris does a bunch of those veiled-threat thingies he loves so much. Eventually, he scraps his policy of being vague and tells Romero that Norma has his flash drive, and he wants it back.

Up on the mountain, Caleb is wailing on a tree, because therapy is expensive and axes aren’t. Chick shows up with a rifle and some dead rabbits and offers Caleb (in order) a hug, some boar jerky, a rabbit, boar jerky again, and finally, whiskey. Caleb accepts the last offer, and the next scene finds them sitting on an abandoned truck, smoking out of a pipe. I didn’t know you could smoke whiskey, but then again, I’m not really into the mountain scene much these days. Chick offers Caleb a job transporting some sort of illicit goods (my money’s on smokable whiskey), and tells Caleb to let him know by the end of the week.

In other news, the psychology professor finally has a name! It’s James. James takes Norma out to a diner and confides that he had crappy parents. That’s all it takes to finally convince Norma that James would make a great therapist. He also admits to being attracted to Norma, but it totally won’t interfere with him psychoanalyzing her. Um, is this guy licensed or what? I’m thinking no.

Back at the house, Norma tells Norman that he had a blackout that morning. That morning. She managed to tell both Emma and Dylan about the blackout, but waits 12 hours to tell the person whom it actually happened to. Rude. Norman has trouble wrapping his head around the idea that his memory of telling her about Caleb is false. So he does what any of us would do in his shoes: goes into Norma’s closet, steals a dress, smells it, hugs it, and hides it under his mattress.

Gunner is up at the cabin when the lights go out. When he winds the timer, it falls open and he discovers the flash drive Dylan hid there last week. With nothing better to do, he plugs it into his laptop and cracks the password, then calls Dylan to report that it’s a financial ledger detailing $15 million of drug-related transactions. The names of many prominent locals are attached. Dylan tells Norma, and you know exactly what argument follows.

Norma visits Romero at his home, and asks him to help her extort Bob Paris. He tries to talk her out of it. She yells at him and tries to leave, but can’t seem to get his front door open. It’s my personal favorite part of any Bates Motel episode: the part where Norma has a breakdown while fighting with an inanimate object. Yay! I guess Romero finds it endearing too, because he agrees to help her after all.

Paris receives Romero and Norma at the Arcanum Club the next day, and Norma lays out her terms: She wants an exit on the bypass that leads directly to her motel. She also wants billboards on either side of the highway advertising her motel. Oh, and a pool. In exchange, she will absolutely not return the flash drive, but she pinky-swears not to reveal the contents. This deal sucks for Paris, but she’s got him over a barrel. He agrees.

Down in the taxidermy dungeon, Dylan tells Norman that he plans to tell Norma about Caleb, and ask her to consider speaking with him. Norman says that he now realizes that he was trying to drive a wedge between Dylan and Norma because he was jealous of their relationship, and he apologizes. He offers to back up Dylan when he talks to Norma.

Norma comes home in a good mood, thanks to her successful blackmailing operation, but quickly sours when the boys try to get her to be nice to her brother, who, again, raped her, resulting in Dylan. I can see her side. In a spectacular bonus fit, she throws everything she can find into a suitcase, breaks a couple of things, grabs a gun, and gets the hell out of Dodge. Emma comes out of the office in time to witness Norma leaving, and Norman losing his damn mind over it. So is she going to quit this week, or … ?

Bates Motel airs Mondays at 9/8C on A&E.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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