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'Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt' fan recap: 'The big thirty-o!'

Season 1 | Episode 9 | “Kimmy Has a Birthday!” | Aired Mar 6, 2015

Kimmy Schmidt is turning the dirty 30, and she is ready for a normal adult birthday party. But if we know anything by now, Kimmy Schmidt does not do normal. Thank goodness for that.

Kimmy’s day begins by standing outside a liquor store trying, to get a passerby to buy booze for her party. Kimmy only has two forms of photo identification, and neither will be accepted at the liquor store. Kimmy is about to follow some dude to his van to buy booze when Titus shows up and stops her. Kimmy, I think you should steer clear of vans.

After purchasing some adult beverages, Titus and Kimmy walk back to the apartment. Kimmy questions Titus about what he got her for her birthday. Titus tries to convince Kimmy that adults don’t get gifts, but she is not buying it. Titus then admits that he is writing Kimmy an original song. Yeah, it would have been easier just to buy her a gift, Titus.

When Kimmy and Titus arrive back at the apartment, Kimmy is shocked when she finds Randy (Tim Blake Nelson), her stepdad, and her half-sister, Kymmi (Kiernan Shipka), waiting for her to return. Turns out Kimmy has a family! Kimmy’s mom married Randy, who was the lead detective on Kimmy’s missing-child case—although now Kimmy’s mom has bailed on all of them. Randy and Kymmi drove all the way to New York to see Kimmy and give her a birthday gift, but Kimmy does not want them involved in her life.

With Randy and Kymmi gone, Kimmy begins to set up for her party. Titus heads out for work and will not be back to help get ready for party, because that is “boyfriend stuff.” Speaking of boyfriend, Logan is sending Kimmy 30 gifts throughout the day to celebrate. While at work, Titus sparks an interest for the actor who is dressed as a mummy and has an amazing torso. Titus invites Mummy Torso to the party without ever seeing his face.

Dong shows up early to Kimmy’s party. Dong enlists the help of Lillian to assist with hiding Dong’s gift for Kimmy—a bike made from parts Dong took from other people’s bikes. Though Dong is acting more like a boyfriend, Kimmy is still treating him just like a friend. Logan does call to say he is on his way. Kimmy asks if Logan can pick up some ice, because that is what a boyfriend is suppose to do.

Before the party really starts to pick up, Kimmy sneaks into her room and opens the gift from Randy. It is a locket that belonged to Kimmy’s mom. Kimmy puts the locket on, and within a beat Randy and Kymmi are back at the apartment because they can’t seem to find Randy’s car. Kimmy invites them in so Randy can use the phone.

Outside, Logan and Dong have their first run-in. It would seem that both men have brought ice to the party. Once inside, Logan questions Kimmy about Dong. Someone is a little jealous.

Kimmy gets a wee bit overwhelmed when it seems like everyone is having his or her own issues. Titus is stressing because Mummy Torso hasn’t shown up, Logan is jealous, Randy won’t leave, and Kymmi is miserable. This is Kimmy’s party, and everyone seems to be making it about themselves.

Logan gives Kimmy her final gift, a beautiful diamond necklace. Kimmy is thrilled; she has loved all her gifts from Logan—especially the bike. Logan takes credit for the bike as a POed Dong stands by. Kimmy takes off the locket to replace it with the new diamond necklace. Cue a complete teenage freak-out, as Kymmi realizes that her dad gave Kimmy their mom’s locket. Kimmy and Kymmi have a full-on sister fight.


Kymmi hates her life and it is all Kimmy’s fault. Kymmi’s life is like living in a bunker because she isn’t allowed to do anything normal, like go to Olive Garden on the weekends with kids from school. Kymmi locks herself in Titus’ bedroom.

Then the real sh*t hits the fan. Titus’ Torso finally shows up, but it turns out to be his ex-boyfriend. Kymmi won’t unlock the door, so Randy shoots it open. It turns out Kymmi ran away, and Logan and Dong start to fight over Kimmy and the bike. Kimmy has had it, and kicks everyone out of her house.

Kimmy is completely deflated. How can she have a normal life if she can’t even have a normal birthday? Titus saves the day by letting her know she did have a completely normal adult birthday party, filled with unnecessary drama.


It is time for some cheering up! Cue Titus’ “original” song for Kimmy … entitled “Firework.” Yep—when your bestie/roomie lived in a bunker for the past 15 years, you can pull this kind of sh– off.


Randy returns to the apartment. He has not found Kymmi and does not know what to do! He reminds Kimmy that Kymmi is her sister, and they need to be a family now. Kimmy knows exactly where Kymmi is: the Olive Garden in Times Square. Kimmy apologies to Kymmi. Kimmy hopes they can move past it and be a family. Eating at the Olive Garden is the first step.

Season one of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is now streaming on Netflix.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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