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'New Girl' fan recap: A megaWatt episode

Season 4 | Episode 19 | “The Right Thing” | Aired March 31, 2015

Talk about an epic New Girl episode! Not only did we hear the vocal styling of Texans defensive end JJ Watt, but we finally got to meet Schmidt’s mom, played by the gloriously talented Nora Dunn. The three week New Girl hiatus was definitely worth the wait.

Speaking of waiting, Jess is frustrated that her lunch date Pete is late. What makes matters worse is that she sent him a sext. (Note to Jess: a picture of you wearing a bra over your shirt with a “property of Pete” sign is not a sext.) Even though Coach set Jess up with Pete, he warns her not to meddle. Cece on the other hand accompanies Jess to find out why Pete is blowing Jess off.

As it turns out, Pete has a very good excuse. He’s dead.

Jess thinks that since Pete is the first guy she ever sexted, she should attend his memorial. She guilt trips Cece and Coach into going with her, because it’s the right thing to do. When Jess enters the house, there are seven other individuals at the memorial. Awkward!

Meanwhile, Nick asks Schmidt to invest in the bar with him. Mike is willing to sell them a percentage because he needs some quick cash. The partners have half of the amount, thanks to the swuit, but where will they get the rest?

Schmidt: Well, there’s the middle school vice principal, there’s the cop, the gym teacher and let’s not forget about the community college student. Lot of options.

Suddenly, Schmidt has a revelation. His mom still owes him his bar mitzvah money. He agrees to approach the subject at lunch. Ms. Schmidt breezes into the restaurant, forcing Schmidt to kiss a picture of his baby brother (read: dog) on her phone. Schmidt politely obliges before asking how her work friend Susan is doing. Ms. Schmidt rolls her eyes and tells Nick that Susan is her girlfriend. Since they got a mattress, “work” is a lot better thankyouverymuch.

New GirlSchmidt changes sweaters and eat an entire bar of chocolate at the suggestion of his mother before summoning the courage to ask for the money. She immediately agrees to hand over the cash—as long as he writes thank you notes to everyone who attended so many years ago. Challenge accepted.

This calls for major detective work. Enter Winston and his partner Aly. Winston sets the mood with a little “Mowtownphilly” as the bar mitzvah video plays. Nick sits with his pen poised, ready to write down the intimate details of each attendee. Cheers erupt when Aly announces the ones who are deceased!

Nick: I love the dead ones!

Jess loves the dead ones too. She sits in a circle of Pete’s friends, remembering all the wonderful things about him. A lovely girl named Val introduces herself as Pete’s girlfriend and Jess has a physical reaction to the news. Since Jess is next in line, she volunteers that she was a work friend of Pete’s. Little did she know that Pete was a sports agent. PARTY FOUL!

Cece is able to escape the memorial, but Coach is left to help Jess navigate the waters of the sporting world. Just as he decides to leave, JJ Watt shows up. Pete was his agent. As Coach gives JJ a rather long embrace, one of Pete’s friends suggests that Val should retrieve Pete’s phone from a box in the garage. Jess and Coach sneak in to confiscate the phone so Jess can erase the sext. Both leap when JJ Watt busts into the garage behind them.

Jess: What are you doing here? Did you sext him too?
JJ: No! I fired him over text!

New GirlBefore they can find the phone, Val enters the garage, wondering what this mysterious looking trio is up to? JJ announces that they were singing. Jess explains they were singing about food just as Coach says they were singing about sports. Right on cue, JJ launches into a spontaneous ditty about hot dogs and pretzels—the ultimate sports foods. Coach and Jess chime in effortlessly as if shenanigans like this happen all the time. When they arrive back to the kitchen, they find Val holding Pete’s phone with the sext from Jess. Jess eases the tension by telling everyone that JJ fired Pete via text. Who’s the bad guy now?

Back at the loft, Nick tells Schmidt that his mother treats him like a little baby. He needs to stand up to her. Who cares if she didn’t like the thank you notes? Schmidt confronts his mother. She blames his ridiculous attitude on Nick’s selfish influence. Schmidt snaps and stands up for his friend. He vows to buy a portion of the bar without her help and then storms out. Of course he storms back in to tell her that she’s welcome to heat up some chili, but then he storms out again.

Ms. Schmidt leaves to get her nails done and ends up in a chair next to Cece. She confesses that “her baby” is tired of being babied. Cece tells her that she has to loosen her grip a bit. Ms. Schmidt offers to show Cece a picture of her son, but Cece stops her short—she’s in love with her ex. Ms. Schmidt nods her head, knowing that Cece isn’t Jewish, so it would never work in a million years.

Later that evening, Ms. Schmidt walks into the bar. She tells Schmidt that she met a Mexican woman at the nail salon who convinced her that she had to let go. She deems him a man and gives him his bar mitzvah money.

Mazel tov!

New Girl Notables

Mike: I really need the cash. I got swindled by a young gay roller skater. A rink twink.
Schmidt: I know what a rink twink is, Mike.

Schmidt: Try learning about the birds and the bees using a donut and a banana,
neither one of which are used for what you think they are.

Jess: Pete wasn’t just a sports agent. He understood all the rules. Offsides. Unnecessary bumping. What happens when you hit a bird with the ball you throw.

Mike: The right guys would have the money. Or Kieran Culkin’s mouth.
Nick: How about Owen Wilson’s nose?

New Girl airs Tuesdays at 9/8C on Fox.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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