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'General Hospital' fan recap: Schemes reign supreme

Season 52 | Episodes 245-249 | Aired Mar 23-27, 2015

It’s striking on General Hospital just how poorly thought out the actions of seemingly intelligent characters can be. Ric Lansing is an articulate and successful lawyer, but when it comes to matters of love, his thought process is severely lacking. Ric’s ineptitude when it comes to scheming is baffling, especially with his latest plan.

It doesn’t take long from Jakeson making the acquaintance of his alleged wife, Hayden, for viewers to learn she is working for Ric. Knowing that Jakeson is Jason and married to Sam, there is never any doubt that Hayden is a fraud. Ric’s grand scheme is for Elizabeth to learn of Jakeson’s marriage, then come running back into his arms. But there are so many loopholes in his scheme that it is baffling that Ric even thinks it could work.

There is the hurricane force that is Carly. While Elizabeth questions Hayden, Carly attacks the newcomer with a barrage of questions and unrelenting skepticism. Hayden has answers for everything (marriage license, wedding ring, doctored photos, and stories), but Carly’s instinct that everything is a sham in unwavering. Elizabeth sees copies of Jakeson’s “medical records” and is convinced that Hayden is telling the truth. But Jakeson is not ready to give up on his newly realized attractions to Elizabeth. After a passionate kiss, Elizabeth calls it a day on her time with Jakeson, believing he needs time to rediscover his feelings for Hayden.

However, Ric’s plan still leaves a lot of wiggle room to be shot to hell. While Hayden tells Jakeson that they live in nearby Beecher’s Corners and that he only works odd jobs, there doesn’t seem to be any accounting for their actual life together. What about friends and employers? Won’t there need to be people who actually knew them as a couple? Did Ric pay off even more people? One person he paid off was a model named Pete, to stand in as a pre-plastic-surgery Jakeson. Pete is already a loose cannon, demanding more money from Ric to keep his role a secret.

And what is it about the men of Port Charles assuming that exes will immediately fling themselves back into their arms just because a different relationship is in trouble? After the ill-advised boxing match, Nathan declares that he is walking away from Maxie. Spinelli assumes that Maxie will automatically form a family unit with himself and Georgie. Never mind that they were never together in the first place. Maxie, reflecting on her years of scheming, is rightfully insulted at the men trying to make her decisions for her.

Anna steps up her work to bring Duke down by having Jordan wear a wire to confirm his orders to kill Julian. Jordan tries to get Duke to make the order include payment, but Duke suddenly reverses face and calls off the hit. Jordan scurries back to Anna’s room, but doesn’t realize an already-in-the-know Sloan is with Anna in the suite. But if Sloan is taking orders from the Cassadine clan, what will he do with this information? Elsewhere, we learn that Duke was aware of Jordan’s wire, but he doesn’t clue Sonny and Shawn in on the information.

Kiki and Morgan step up their plot to make Michael appear unfit by switching out his allergy medications with some sort of narcotics. Michael and Morgan come to blows at the Quartermaine mansion, which only serves to cement Morgan’s commitment to bringing his brother down. Kiki temporarily serves as the voice of reason, wondering if drugging Michael could harm others, like if Avery is in a car with him when Michael is incapacitated. But the worries are brushed aside as the incredibly reckless scheme continues. Of course, it’s completely ludicrous on so many levels, especially considering that Morgan himself tried to bring Sonny down not too long ago. What is Michael’s crime again? Oh yeah, not forgiving people who kept the truth about A.J.’s murder from him.

Franco and Nina have their competency hearing in court as well. Amazingly, not one medical professional is on call in either courtroom. Franco thinks his goose is cooked when Scott takes the stand and exposes his fraud, but it evolves into just the opposite. Franco is declared sane, but Pentonville is off the table, as Scott dismisses all charges against his son. Locking people together with threats of an imaginary bomb isn’t apparently a crime, since Heather was the original kidnapper. Once Nina learns of Franco’s exoneration, she apologizes to the court for her fake breakdown and is also released. Alexis advises Nina that all of her financial assets are tied up in bureaucracy and suggests rooming with Nathan above Kelly’s. Franco has a different idea, and using Olivia’s confession about her baby’s paternity (when she thought he was tripping) to blackmail her for a suite at the Metro Court.

Cohabitation is on the table for Patrick and Sam and Julian and Alexis after the former catch the latter going at it in Sam’s living room. Alexis is chagrined that Patrick might have seen her nipple, leading Julian to suggest that it is time for Alexis to stop living under her daughter’s roof. Shouldn’t Alexis be able to afford her own place? Surely she had home insurance on her exploded lake house? Patrick offers for Danny and Sam to move in with him and Emma, but Sam isn’t ready to take that step. After some vigorous, uhhh, discussions, the two also have post-coital chatter about Jakeson’s pre-operative words about there being only one ring. Sam wonders if it might be about where she keeps her wedding ring, and neither wonder if he’s just a Lord of the Rings fan.

Tracy and Lulu fail to get any real information out of Valerie, largely because Luke is hiding in the closet with a gun on his niece. Luke grills Valerie about Patricia, not believing her story that her mother is deceased. Luke gets his confirmation, leaving his niece unconscious after a struggle, and heads to the Oak Hills convalescent home. Simultaneously, Bobbie and Tracy figure out where Patricia is, as Lulu and Dante come to Valerie’s aid and learn the same information. Bobbie and Tracy arrive, only to be greeted by a gun-toting Luke. And, if previews are to be believed, viewers are only days away from learning the Spencer family secrets!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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