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'Barely Famous' fan recap, as told by the Foster sisters

Season 1 | Episode 2 | “Waiting for James Franco” | Aired Mar 25, 2015

Barely Famous is really funny, and it’s no secret that I am a giant fan of this show. Its humor is silly enough for broad appeal, but it’s the uninhibited cannibalization of Hollywood that is just too juicy to pass up.

I adore all the name-dropping and star-studded cameos, and I find the characters of Erin and Sara so laughably unsympathetic that this show could probably satisfy my “train-wreck” quota for the week.

But what you also really, really need to know is that Barely Famous is also incredibly whip-smart. Even when the sisters Foster are pretending to be vapid, ridiculous, fame whores, the show is still asking us to examine how their behavior reflects our cultural values as a whole.

That is scary stuff when you consider storylines like the James Franco bit this week. Instead of telling you, in my own words, about this week’s show, I’ll let the show speak for itself, sort of.

Here is the recap of “Waiting for Franco” told using quotes from the episode itself. I say some stuff, too.

“You snooze, you lose, bitch.” —Abby

Abby, Sara’s new and completely unnecessary assistant, is weirdly aggressive, immune to humiliation, and Sara’s biggest fan. These are standard qualifiers to work as an assistant in L.A., just so you know.

Abby thinks it’s a brilliant idea to give Sara a spray tan, completely naked, while they film. Erin wants a spray tan, too, but Abby’s not her assistant, after all. She chides Erin, “You snooze, you lose, bitch.”

The lesson here, obviously, is wake up sooner so you, too, can get a spray tan … naked, by an employee, in front of a camera crew.

“It zaps you if it’s Vince Gilligan.” —Sara

It’s super hard to tell who matters in Hollywood. Clearly, you need some kind of system (maybe an app?) that would alert you when you’re talking to really important people whom you should know. It should have some kind of color-coded alert system to tell you if the person speaking is very successful. Erin and Sara are still working on the details of this brainstorm, so don’t steal it, America.

This app would have really come in handy the time Erin shushed the man sitting next to her for talking about his boring work, and it turned out to be Vince Gilligan, the creator of Breaking Bad. Had this app been around, who knows how Erin’s life would have changed, because “it zaps you if it’s Vince Gilligan.”

“Him being famous is my least favorite thing about him. He doesn’t even want to be famous.” —Erin

Erin and James Franco might be in love, if only she could see him in the daytime. Even though she’s sworn off famous guys, James Franco is different. He writes poetry, which he reads to her; he is a certified reflexologist; and he also runs a passport business that is absolutely government official. He’s the total package.

Too bad Erin can’t lock him down for anything more than a booty call. She chases him all over town with the hopes of scoring a day-date, but James Franco isn’t taking it as seriously as she is. Erin gets to the “F— you, James Franco” point, and it looks like it might be the end of this very one-sided romance.

“Life is an audition.” —Sara

This is just all-around good advice from Sara. One time she flipped the double bird to a terrible driver on the freeway, and it turned out to be Steven Spielberg. That is absolutely why Sara hasn’t been called in on any of his movies.

“Would you like to face the wall again?” —Leslie Grossman

Sara heads to an audition and says some pretty atrocious things about the script. Like, really mean. She calls it “amateur,” “awful,” and “terrible,” so naturally the woman she thinks is a fellow actress turns out to the be creator of the show, Leslie Grossman.

Before Sara catches on and leaves, Leslie asks her to improv the scene with no hands, face the wall once, do it with a high-class Southern accent, and do it like she’s deaf; she even wants one take drunk. Right before she leaves, Leslie asks her, “Do you want to face the wall again?” Remember: Life is an audition, Sara.

“Jessica Alba knows who I am.” —Sara

Really, she doesn’t, though. Sara and Talia, the daughter of a friend of Sara’s mother, have lunch so that Sara can mentor her about being an actress. Sara doles out advice about how to get an agent (Talia’s already signed with the giant CAA), whom to take meetings with (Talia recently ate dinner at Judd Apatow’s house), and whom to socialize with (Talia is joined by old friend Jessica Alba for the rest of lunch).

Jessica Alba takes Erin’s seat, forcing her to squat on a borrowed stool. Lunch winds down, and Talia thanks her for being a “mother figure” and leaves with Jessica Alba, who has no idea who Sara Foster is.

“It’s not an emergency. My sister’s dead. I gotta go.” —Erin

During Erin’s James Franco-induced chase, her “battery vampire” of a sister made it necessary to stop by the Apple bar and see Jensen, normal-guy extraordinaire (and charge her battery—2 percent is not enough to get a text from James Franco).

Erin and Jensen wind up on a second date, but James Franco is having none of that. Her phone goes off incessantly, and when she checks it, she gets sucked into a text convo, in which Franco insists, “I need my muse.”

Erin becomes flustered because she desperately wants to leave, but assures Jensen it’s not an emergency. She then blurts out, “My sister is dead. I gotta go,” and darts out the door. She sleeps with James Franco that night, so all is well.

Erin goes on a date with normal guy, Jensen, on Barely Famous.

Next week: “Who do I have to sleep with to get her into this school? I’ll do it.”

Stick around after the credits: “That’s just called a good, old-fashioned c-ck tease.”

What did I miss this week? What are your favorite moments from this week’s episode?

Barely Famous airs Wednesdays at 9:30/8:30C on VH1.

TV Families

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TV Families

TV Families — We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ”The Brady Bunch” to ”The Flintstones”

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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<div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. 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