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'Kart Life' fan recap: 'I'm so happy, I gotta dance!'

Season 1 | Episode 7 | “Boiling Point” | Aired Mar 11, 2015

Two weeks ago on Kart Life, Gio Bromante was sucking pretty hard on the track. So John “Bossypants” Bromante went out and bought two more tuners! Because more always equals better, right?

Unfortunately, this axiom didn’t hold true for Gio and he still couldn’t perform. To rectify Gio’s crappy driving this week, John continues to throw good money after bad and buys two new chassis. If only he could buy Gio adequate kart-control skills.

Shirley Tavella joins husband Phil and son Dylan at the track. This means dear sweet little Ryan Tavella is also there. “Of course Ryan is a distraction, so we got someone to watch him this weekend,” Phil says. Cut to a babysitter and little Ryan poking a kart’s bumper. “Stay away from Dylan, okay?” Phil tells his youngest. Little Ryan doesn’t listen and bear-hugs Shirley with all his tiny might, giggling.

JP Southern Jr. and Brandon Lemke make an agreement to unite to dismantle the Top Kart team (David Malukas and familyless Zach Holden). Speaking of Top Kart, that means a visit to the Malukas tent, where Henry is still upset and surprised by tuner Wes’ dickishness.

“Where’s Wes?” someone asks as the bouncy, upbeat music abruptly takes on a dark and foreboding tone, typically heard before a murder in a Lifetime TV movie. Wes is sitting and playing on his phone. He’s probably looking up new ways to abuse David. “If Wes wants to keep working with us, he needs to man up,” Henry growls.

The Juniors race. Brandon and JP Jr. work together and Brandon barely edges out David Malukas for the win, further fueling Henry’s ire. “David was quick for the first few laps, then the engine died. I’m fed up with Wes,” says Henry. The engine guy starts a rebuild with Henry looking on. They call Wes over to get his input. Wes, sitting in a beach chair with doofy sunglasses on, responds by flipping them off. Wes is now digging his own grave with a backhoe.

The Cadets set off. Shirley Tavella and Stacey Bromante are in the pits, trading passive-aggressive barbs. Shirley announces, “I want the kids to be safe and for my son to win.” “I know you do,” Stacey sighs. “This is where you’re supposed to say you want your kid to win,” Shirley jabs. “Why is Shirley baiting me?” Stacey Bromante asks the camera. Probably because Shirley has nothing else to do since the babysitter is watching Little Ryan and Dylan is on the track.

“Shirley’s talked a lot of crap,” Stacey tells us. “Like, she doesn’t even remember that she called my son a dirty driver! It really pissed me off.” Cut to Stacey’s pride and joy knocking a kid off the track during a turn to take second. John’s not sure if that was Gio’s fault or not. It was.

The officials deem Gio’s bump as avoidable contact and move him to a last-place finish as a penalty. John thinks this is ridiculous, and says so no less than eight times. As Gio passed the other kart, it “just drove straight off the track,” John says. TruTV’s replay clearly shows Gio at fault.

Stacey and Shirley have a chat to clear the air that Shirley didn’t realize needed clearing. There’s a bunch of fake smiling while accusations are bandied about, although the whole thing is pretty lackluster. It concludes with Stacey admitting she doesn’t “pay attention to the technicalities of racing.” Shirley had never considered that Stacey doesn’t know a thing about racing! All is forgiven, and with that, the two hug and Stacey asks how Shirley likes her “squishy” boobs. Looks like everything’s back to as normal as it can get here.

John’s still whining about Gio’s penalty to officials, who advise him to fill out a protest form. The Juniors have their final. Henry says that if David doesn’t finish on the podium, Wes is gone. Tragically, David wins, and the douche nozzle that is Wes gets to keep his job. The Bromantes meet with officials about their protest. The officials don’t back down, so John does and Gio will start the Cadet final in last place.

JP Jr. is fuming because he attributes his poor finish to his dad and mechanic tuning his kart horribly. Jr. stalks into a trailer where Sasha Brun-Wibaux is flirting with some race boy. Sasha says she hasn’t broken down this weekend. It takes Jr. a nanosecond to remind her she did yesterday.

“Oh, yeeeah. I have two excuses,” says Sasha. “You wanna hear ’em?” She prattles on without waiting for the answer. Jr. suddenly has heard enough. “You suck,” he interrupts, pointing at Sasha. “You’re horrible at racing, you realize that? Excuses are for losers. You finish last every race because you suck.”

Sasha is trying to mount a defense, while her crush is trying to contain his laughter. “I’m almost ahead of you in the points. That’s how much you suck,” says Jr., a newcomer to Sasha’s division. Jr. blows out of the room, while Sasha dejectedly tells us, “JP goes for the spots that actually hurt. Obviously, I don’t like the fact that I haven’t finished any races. Don’t bring that up.”

The Cadets have their final. Little Ryan dances around in a yellow rain slicker with an open, multicolored umbrella. It’s not raining. On the last lap, it’s anyone’s race. Shirley screams at her child to “just f—ing drive, man!” Dylan obliges and wins. Shirley emits some ear-piercing squeals, and Phil, overcome with emotion, chooses to hug his tuner instead of his wife.

At the closing ceremony, Dylan can barely hoist his massive trophy above his head and Phil is “so happy, I gotta dance.” Cut to Phil stretching his neck or something as a circle clears out around a piece of cardboard with “Tavella Breakdancing” scrawled on it. Wait, what? And then Phil Tavella starts break-dancing. The most surprising thing from all of this is that Phil is remarkably good. Why has this hidden talent not come out before? The massive crowd cheers—rightfully so—while Shirley films the whole affair.

Gio, with his two tuners, two chassis and zero skills finishes eighth, but John is still proud. Wonder what he’ll buy Gio next week.

Kart Life airs Wednesdays at 10/9C on TruTV.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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