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'Freaks and Geeks' nostalgia recap: Fake IDs, please

Season 1 | Episode 7 | “Carded and Discarded” | Aired Jan 10, 2000

Let’s face it. Mr. Rosso may have the freaks’ best interests at heart, but there’s no way an awkward serenading of “I’m Eighteen” by Alice Cooper is going to suddenly show them the path toward good grades and college. It’s too late, Mr. Rosso, but good effort. Unfortunately, we’ve got bigger concerns this week on Freaks and Geeks. Namely, one of the greatest dilemmas of youth: how to get a fake ID.

Lindsay conveniently receives $300 in the mail from some distant aunt and uncle. Although the money is strictly meant for college, Lindsay deems getting a fake ID a better investment. Turns out our freak men need some, too—including Daniel, who lost his last one because he couldn’t tell the bouncer what his astrology sign was. Tough break, Mr. Desario.

Their first ID option (Jason Schwartzman!) turns out to be a bust. Although he does a tremendous job of examining their faces—brown eyes and brown hair being his detailed analysis of all four of them—he ultimately turns up with a bunch of Vietnamese IDs that look nothing like them. Only Ken decides he can make do, though his new identity of a mustachioed guy named Jesus seems like a stretch.

Plan B is Millie’s weird cousin, Toby, who has a sketchy house with an even sketchier rooster out front. He hooks them up with the needed IDs, though not without awkwardly hitting on Lindsay in the process. Nick quickly steps in to inform Toby that Lindsay is his girlfriend. Lindsay enthusiastically agrees, more to stop Toby than encourage Nick, but that last part doesn’t register with poor Nick.

They get to test their new purchases at the Rusty Nail later that night. The bouncer lets them all through (he doesn’t even check Lindsay’s ID) with nary a problem. He wasn’t the least bit fooled, though: “Those IDs look nuts. Business must be pretty bad if we’re supposed to let them in.”

So, at last, the freaks get to see a cool band and drink beer like adults! As if. In a funny turn of events, this cool band they’ve been hearing about is actually Mr. Rosso with another rendition of Alice Cooper’s “I’m Eighteen.” Our poor, underage freaks don’t even take a sip out of their beers before Mr. Rosso calls them out and gets their alcohol switched for soda. Mr. Rosso: 1. Freaks: 0.

The geeks face trouble of a different kind this week, as they are introduced to a new, pretty student named Maureen Sampson (Kayla Ewell). She unknowingly sits at their table during lunch, but the geeks are elated. They assure her it’s okay to hang out with them and quickly crowd around her like vultures. She’s the female companion they’ve never had before, and they offer her what little they have: model rockets and the inside scoop on pizza days in the cafeteria.

It doesn’t take long for each of them to fall head over heels with this new female friend—roughly 24 hours —before they have to make a tough decision on who gets to date her. They carefully evaluate their choices and create several charts and graphs and … oh, wait, no, they just choose from a hat. Bill’s the lucky guy.

Unfortunately, Maureen already seems destined for bigger and better things than Sam, Neal, and Bill. The geeks have known all along that she’s too good to be true, and now she’s starting to talk to the cheerleaders. The geeks scheme to hold on, but it seems all for naught, and she gets invited to a party with the popular kids.

Their last-ditch effort is an all-you-can-eat ribs night at the Iron Horse Restaurant, advised by Harris the Wise and Hairy-Lipped. It’s a joyous occasion, but not enough. The following Monday, Maureen asks to sit with her new friends, though not without inviting the geeks along, too. The geeks sadly decline. It’s still high school, and there are lines you just can’t cross. Farewell, Maureen. You were a nice honorary geek while it lasted.

Notables

  • Papa Weir, who just wants to see his baby Weirs a bit more: “We’re going to spend some quality time, and we’re going to enjoy it, dammit.”
  • Bill, on the merits of Maureen: “She’s the kind of woman you could cut the cheese in front of.”
  • Daniel, not making any mistakes again about this horoscope stuff with the bouncer: “Being a Sagittarius, I’m always forgetting these things.”
TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it an <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile "> <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component"> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <interaction data-token="59d54344f64720010063394c" data-context="true" data-tags="" data-fallback="true"></interaction> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" data-endpoint="/element-api/content-proxy/documents"data-request-data="%7B%22count%22%3A6%2C%22crops%22%3A%22thumbnail%2Cmarquee_large_2x%2Capp_list_thumbnail_2x%22%2C%22page%22%3A2%2C%22types%22%3A%22article%2Cgallery%2Crecipe%22%7D"data-partial="tile"data-variation="bottom-recirc"data-flair-size="30"data-type="feed"data-title="You May 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