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'Family Guy' fan recap: Stewie has Brian's babies

Season 13 | Episode 12 | “Stewie Is Enceinte” | Aired Mar 8, 2015

Stewie worries he and Brian are growing apart when Brian starts acting distant. Stewie watches Joe and Bonnie’s rocky relationship turn around after they have a baby, so, using sound toddler logic, he reasons that babies save relationships.

Naturally, Stewie decides he and Brian must have a baby. Stewie tries to bring it up at dinner, but Brian won’t stop texting, so he collects Brian’s dog hair and saliva to do it himself. Stewie invents a fertilization device to give himself a temporary uterus and get pregnant. It works, because this is Stewie Griffin.

Stewie tries to ask Brian to have a baby with him.

Brian is horrified. “People are going to think I had sex with a male baby!” “Thank you for finding a way to make it sound awful,” Stewie responds, saltily. Brian demands an abortion, but Stewie refuses. He starts complaining about his back, getting mood swings, and raving about his mini-chocolate-chip ice cream cravings. Their doctor completely ignores Stewie’s lack of lady parts, and readily believes Stewie in a blond wig is a 15-year-old girl.

Meanwhile, Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland watch a viral Internet video on the news and decide to make a viral video of their own. They decide all a viral video needs is people reacting to watching gross stuff and cats. All of their attempts fail, from filming a frog dancing in a miniskirt to Joe doing 30 impressions in 30 seconds. Nothing really comes of Peter and gang’s attempt, but a video of Chris trying to get across a crosswalk makes the evening news. It’s a pretty weak commentary on how it’s impossible to make a viral video, but the point is clear: People love body-shaming and racism on the Internet.

Peter attempts to make a viral video.

Brian grows angrier and angrier with Stewie until his water breaks. They can’t get to the hospital in time, so Brian must deliver the baby in the car from … somewhere? How the baby would be born was obviously one point the writers couldn’t settle on, so no birth scene is actually televised. Instead, we see a series of beige explosions inside Brian’s car, while Stewie screams to save the placenta.

Stewie gives birth to six grotesque half-human, half-dog creatures. Most of them are deaf, blind, or otherwise horribly malformed. Stewie gives them names like Jack, Rose, and Finn. Quickly, Stewie and Brian turn into exhausted, terrible parents who can’t keep track of them all. One puppy-baby drowns in a pond while Stewie and Brian fight. Another is run over by Joe’s lawn mower.

Stewie admits he’s not attached to any of them, and the whole point is for them to spend more time together. “I was only distant because you were so moody,” Brian says. Brian and Stewie make up, then drop off all their human-dog babies at the animal shelter, which actual unhappy parents could never do. Depending on where you are in life, this story could either make you laugh or make you dreadfully depressed. So it’s a typical Family Guy episode.

Insult of the week: “You look about 40, so that means whatever is in you is completely brain-dead.” —Stewie to a pregnant woman at the baby store, when his mood swings start

Family Guy airs Sundays at 9/8C on Fox.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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