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'Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt' fan recap: Kimmy's first blind date

Season 1 | Episode 3 | “Kimmy Goes on a Date!” | Aired March 6, 2015

It would seem like Kimmy Schmidt, Jacqueline, and Titus are all trying to hide some kind of information in this episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Kimmy is still having issues when it comes to adjusting to life above ground. Waking up to find yourself choking your roommate is not a normal activity. A lot of the things Kimmy does are not normal. The poor girl can’t even have a dream date go right.

Titus is concerned that Kimmy is repressing way too much and fears for both his and Kimmy’s safety. He thinks that Kimmy should go talk to someone about what has happened to her, but Kimmy does not think anyone would fully understand her situation. And she is not in the mood to share it.

Anyhoo, Titus is excited to get his new headshots done; his old ones are a wee bit dated …


Titus needs to spend his extra money before Lillian, the landlord, finds out he has it. It seem that Lillian is still looking to collect some extra dough from Titus due to a certain bathtub accident that happened some months ago. Titus thinks he is in the clear from Lillian until she notices how nicely he is dressed. Titus cannot tell her that he is getting new headshots done, so he lies and says he is attending a funeral.

Lillian insists on going to the funeral with him, so the two end up crashing a stranger’s funeral service. To continue with his cover story, Titus performs a Boyz II Men song, but he sings the wrong one. “I’ll Make Love to You” is not appropriate for mourning. With his cover blown, Titus admits he was going to get new headshots with some extra money. Lillian is thrilled that Titus is singing again and refuses to take his headshot money. All seems good, until the two get mugged and that’s that.

Over at the Voorhees household, Charles (Andy Ridings) the tutor is working on Buckley’s family-tree project for school. It turns out that Jacqueline does not want to include any information regarding her side of the family. In a flashback, we learn that Jacqueline is really Jackie Lynn and a Native American. Jackie Lynn became Jacqueline after she dyed her hair blond, got blue contacts, and moved to New York City.


The family tree project gives Xanthippe the idea to start researching Kimmy. Kimmy tells her that her last name is Smith and she is from Middletown, Ohio. To continue the Kimmy Schmidt oddities, Kimmy says she “lost” her cellphone, and Jacqueline gifts her with a new one.


Welcome to modern times, Kimmy Schmidt.

Kimmy confines in Jacqueline that she wishes she had someone to talk to. Jacqueline decides to set Kimmy up on a lunch date with a rich man named Grant Belden. Kimmy heads home and preps for her date and tries to figure out makeup for the first time. Well, it turns out that Grant Belden is far from the man of Kimmy’s dreams. He is old and a bit crazy, but Kimmy has finally met someone she can talk to since he won’t remember anything she says.

Kimmy agrees to go to dinner with Grant, but it does not go so well this time around. Kimmy realizes that she does not want someone to talk to but someone to talk with. Plus, Kimmy says the word “bunker” and sets off a World War II flashback for Grant, which ends with him chasing her through the streets throwing pinecones at her.

Kimmy finds Jacqueline and the two return to the Voorhees home, where a miserable Xanthippe greets them. Xanthippe has been trying to find information on Kimmy all afternoon but comes up with nothing!


Jacqueline stands up to Xanthippe and informs her that Kimmy’s past does not matter. People come to NYC to start over, and Kimmy doesn’t have to defend herself to Xanthippe.

Kimmy’s date may have not gone well this time around, but it seems like a certain tutor named Charles may have a wee bit of a crush on the unbreakable Kimmy. Get it, girl.

Season one of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is now streaming on Netflix.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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