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9 stages you went through when Shania Twain announced her farewell tour

On Wednesday, in all her pop-country glory, Shania Twain sashayed onto the Good Morning America stage, announced that for the first time in 11 years she’s going on tour, then announced it would be her last. At 49 years old, Shania Twain has released six albums that have sold more than 75 million copies. “It’s the after-party tour. That’s how I see it. It’s a celebration tour for me.”

Clearly, for Shania lovers, it was an emotional roller coaster. Twain’s last three studio albums went to Diamond status in the United States, an almost unheard-of accomplishment for any recording artist. Needless to say, Twain’s accomplishments are a little more than unbelievable: I mean, who else can release the exact same song with both Billy Currington and Mark McGrath, and no one asks a single question about it? Shania Twain, that’s who.

Naturally, when an announcement of this magnitude is dropped, there are a lot of feelings to deal with. The important thing is to process them in an organized and sensible fashion that makes sense to you. We’ve worked to identify those feelings and lay them out in a manner that will help you deal with the rise and fall of Shania’s farewell tour:

1. You initially find out Shania’s going on tour.

Man I Feel Like a Woman

You don’t have all the words put together yet. It was pretty unexpected for a casual Wednesday morning, but you let a little smile out, just like Shania would do herself.

2. Immediately, she announces that it will also serve as her FAREWELL TOUR.

Looks up

Wait, what? This was not discussed. This was not part of the plan. This was supposed to be the day we all partied together, whether that be a “Come On Over!” party or a “Party for Two” kind of party. If we weren’t ready for a surprise tour announcement, then we definitely weren’t ready for a farewell tour announcement.

3. You let yourself grieve.

Forever and for always

You step to the bathroom or an alleyway or maybe just to your room and you let our your cry breaths—those choppy whisper-shouts that make you sound like you’re choking on a piece of apple. Shania can’t really be done, right? RIGHT?

4. Pull it together.

I Ain

Shania wouldn’t let this rattle her, and neither will you. You have a trip to plan. You need to go to wherever Shania is, because if she’s really only performing one last time, she’d better believe that you’re going to be there.

5. The planning stage

From this moment on

You check to see which of the 48 cities she’ll be touring in, and of course, she chose yours. Why wouldn’t she choose yours? You and Shania are close. Like … super-close. Like, “braid each other’s hair and gab about American Idol” close. You wonder if you have the money for front-row seats, but worst-case, you’ll take out a loan or something because you know where you need to be.

6. A poser tries to empathize.

That Don

Another one of your friend hears about your excitement and lovingly, yet stupidly, offers to go along to the concert with you. What they don’t understand is that this is not a moment for amateurs. If you’re not “Shania-ready,” you’re not going to be Shania-ready by the time the concert gets here. Sorry.

7. You have your own Shania-readiness tested.

Who

Offended, your friend calls your own Shania Twain fandom into question, and for a minute … you doubt yourself. You have been listening to a lot of Taylor Swift lately. But then you remember the last time “Man! I Feel Like a Woman” came on at your favorite country-infused bar, and how you remembered every dance move. You also remembered the stylized exclamation point in the title. You’re good.

8. You can’t find the words to describe what this farewell tour means to you.

Ka-Ching!

Yes, it’s been a while since you jammed out to the entire Come On Over album, but it doesn’t change your love for Shania. Just thinking about the tour and the music and all the craziness that she’s going to have on set—it’s pretty overwhelming.

9. You Riverdance through the haters.

Don

So instead of putting it into words, you Riverdance your way through an inch of water, past all the haters, to your nearest Internet-accessible device, and refresh the tickets page until the presale opens on March 10. It’s going to be a pretty incredible Year of Shania.

Shania Twain’s “Rock This Country” tour kicks off on June 5 in Seattle. Gavin DeGraw, will accompany and open for her on most dates, with the tour ending on August 23 in Fresno, California. Presale begins March 10, with the public sale following on March 13.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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